Would this bother you?

[FizzyPink]

I’ve been dating bf for about 4 months now and he has been utterly lovely, welcomed me into his life, introduced me to his friends etc etc.

He’s also done things like buying me slippers and a dressing gown to keep at his, encouraged me to leave toiletries so I don’t have to carry so much when I stay over and due to him working late hours given me a key so I can let myself in and have dinner instead of waiting around for him to finish work.

After some horrendous dating experiences with other guys this feels so lovely and while he’s not an emotional man and would never say over the top lovey things, his actions make me feel extremely secure.

However, a lot of my friends are constantly asking if we’re official yet. I’ve brought it up with him and it’s become a bit of a joke. I’ll say something like “oh we can’t break up now if we’re booking a holiday for next year” as a joke and he’ll say “we can’t break up, we’re not together”.

I asked him directly why he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet and he just said there’s no rush and we have all the time in the world for that.

I really have no worries at all, he deleted all his dating profiles in front of me, calls me every night, has put photos of me on his social media and is obviously not dating anyone else but is it a bit weird he doesn’t want to say we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?

@Lexplorer fair enough in that case. Thinking about it, same for us

Four months is too early for keys etc imo

But seeing as he's done the key thing and then backed off re the relationship thing - I'd say he thinks you're not 'the one' and he's waiting to see if the same feelings as he had for therapy girlfriend miraculously appear for you. If they don't, he'll dump you

It sounds like a convenient way for him to shag about and having the "well, we're not officially together" bollocks to defend himself.

I agree. Might not be seeing anyone now but that might not always be the case.

I don't think you necessarily need to worry too much. I had similar with my current BF for longer than I liked. I was seeking out the GF title as it means relationship and exclusive , both important to me. He made it clear after discussion that he was exclusive, still didn't like the GF title, I simply let him know that without it in my mind we aren't serious so I'll keep my options open too. 5 months in, he calls me his GF, not just the girl he's seeing 😉.

Regarding " not together" that was a dumb thing for him to say hopefully, not nice though, so give it a while, don't push for it, make sure you're not too available for hi. Either he'll get with the program or he's a cock that you're better off without.

So I confronted him about it last night and he was shocked I even thought that and said he’d never said he didn’t want to be considered together as we obviously already are, just without the labels.
We’re going away in a couple of weeks for a romantic pre Christmas break in a beautiful place with private hot tub etc and apparently he’d planned to ask me then

he was shocked I even thought that and said he’d never said he didn’t want to be considered together as we obviously already are, just without the labels

Hmmm.

“we can’t break up, we’re not together”

So did he say that or didn't he?

Think your setting yourself up for a few issues in the relationship if this carries on.
It’s not hard really is it. Your either with each other or not. It shouldn’t be this complicated at all op.
My now husband asked me after a few dates if he could call me his girlfriend, that was that.
Sounds like he’s playing head games if I’m honest and keeping his options open.

Don’t get this “I don’t do labels nonsense either”.
You are either a couple or your not. Normally someone who says they don’t want a label means they don’t want to be tied down yet.

as we obviously already are, just without the labels.

Ok. But you want the label

he’d planned to ask me then

Ask you what? If you want to go ahead with the label?

as we obviously already are, just without the labels.

?

So bone achingly immature. So it needs to be 'without labels'? Why is that, then? To make him feel more cool? Less tied down? That he's so scintillatingly different?

So teenage. Please, for me, have a conversation like this in the near future:

You: 'Do we have any of those red things in the fridge?'
Him: 'What do you mean?'
You: 'You know, round, can be cherry or plum, have seeds?'
Him: 'Err, you mean tomatoes?!?!'
You: 'Oh hang cool now, I don't want to label them!'

You see how ridiculous it is? Ti be honest this would be the biggest issue I'd have with all of this. Totally immature dickish way to be.

Or, more directly,

'Without labels? Do you mean you consider us to be seeing one another but if you don't use the words it will make you feel better? Um, don't you think that's a little childish for someone your age-?'

He sounds fucking exhausting.

Ask you what??

God he loves the drama doesnt he!

But - 'Together without the Labels'
You asked him for reassurance and he refused to give you reassurance.
Enjoy your holiday OP but be very wary. He is withholding from you and it gives him all the power and control.

He is very good at luring you in! Then when he gets bored, it all goes pear shaped he can say I never said we were together in that way.
What is the holiday about, to ask you what? To agree to a label he doesn't agree with?

I would step back, be unavailable to him. If he works late, just make other plans. Do not be sat in his place waiting for him, wearing the dressing gown and slippers he bought you.

I label this "red flag " .

I wouldn’t be satisfied with that! Can’t believe you are my friend was seeing a guy for 2 year, then when he wouldn’t come to her birthday she was upset about it and he pulled the whole “but we’re not together.”

He strikes me as someone similar who will throw around the “not together” when he feels like it. Good luck

Gosh, these are the early days when you should be enjoying getting to know each other etc. Sounds far too complicated to me.