I found out earlier this year that my husband had been having a ‘years long’ affair with a close friend. He did leave me and our two children (under the age of eight) for a couple of weeks and then ended it with his mistress and came home.
Since then we have been trying to heal. He refuses counselling from the very beginning. I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea. Twice I have cancelled appointments for myself out of fear he’d find out and think that we weren’t ‘working’.
But the past two to three months, he has grown distant. He’s quiet, snappy etc. I have noticed that he has shown a lot of signs of a ‘mid-life crisis’ and recently he’s gone berserk with buying antique and old furniture online.
Then I found it. A phone number. It was on a piece of paper that belonged to him from the GP after a recent visit about a condition he has been diagnosed with. I googled it and it’s a NHS support service for depression, anxiety and low mood.
I won’t lie, it startled me. The man who said no to counselling, the man who several times has denied anything wrong with him when I asked him during his quiet and withdrawn moments has seemingly contacted or is going to contact support services for his mental health.
Part of me is glad he’s dealing with this as I firmly believe it’s been brewing for a few years going by what he’s told me regarding the affair. But also I am scared.
I know he told this ‘parasite’ who was his mistress that he loved her - at least twice. I am thinking is he depressed over regrets of ending their relationship or is it guilt because of what he did?
My friends say not to confront him it but equally I want to considering her persuaded me for months not to go to counselling and here he is, possibly hiding the fact that HE is attending sessions he denied me.
Any advice appreciated about how to handle this.