How often do you see your adult children?

[hazeydays14]

If they don’t have kids yet, as I think that changes the dynamic slightly.

I’m in my 20s, no children yet. I last saw my dad in September when he kindly drove me to pick up a new car. Prior to that I saw him for about 15 mins on my birthday in Feb. He lives a 10 minute drive from me. We only text if I initiate it and it’s usually about my grandparents who aren’t in good health. My parents separated when I was 18 and I don’t think his new wife likes me or my sister very much and this could play a part in it.

I last saw my mum at my nan’s 2 weeks ago where all 14 (aunt, cousins and partners, cousins son and new baby) met for Sunday lunch and to meet the baby. Prior to that she called in to see my new dog for about 15 mins at in early October. We text fairly regularly. She lives 15 minute drive from me. I used to call in for a cuppa on my way home from work fairly regularly but now I have the dog I usually go straight home. She’s been to my house a handful of times since I moved in 2 years ago.

I’m just wondering if this is normal after you’ve grown up and moved out. I just feel a bit sad that we don’t have a close relationship any more and I always initiate texts/visits unless there is an occasion or they need something.

(Oops that was longer than intended)

I'm mid thirties and speak to my mum on the phone every day! We live at opposite ends of the country but we (myself, DH and DD) visit them for a few days every 6-8 weeks, they would visit us but we don't have any room for guests and it's too far to pop in.

DH sees his DM a few times a week and texts most days. I think your parents sound a bit cold OP. I can't imagine not wanting to be in touch with my DC when they're grown up, I hope we will all be very close.

It is interesting to see how often people see their adult DC. For most people (not all), frequent visits seem to be possible because the DC and DP live nearby and presumably work standard hours. I don’t think less frequent contact mean that you are not close. My DD and I need to travel for 2 hours to meet up and we both work 60+ hours a week - frequent visits are not possible. We plan regular meet ups around a mutual interest and enjoy each other’s company despite the distance. If the chips were down, she would be here and vice versus. On the other hand, I am not particularly close to my DPs despite the fact that they live nearby.

When they come home from university, it's too far to travel in between holidays.

My son lives 200 miles away and we make sure we see each other every other month but more if anyone feels sad or is having problems but we talk on the phone all the time. I hardly ever see my own mother as my stepfather doesn't like me.

Dcs are in their 20s and live 300 miles away. See them about 6 times a year.

It's changed at different stages in my life. In my 20's, I probably visited my parents every two weeks until I moved to an office round the corner from them and my DF became ill. Then I visited about 3 times per week. In my 30's, probably once per week (except when DCs were babies and I didn't visit as regularly). DM never visits me (except on DCs' birthdays) and only calls if she needs something.

It makes me a bit sad that I always need to instigate contact but I decided long ago to take stock regularly, decide how often I wanted to see her and then just make it happen regardless of what she does in return.

I'm in a different country from my Dd, But we see each other around 4 times a year. We speak around once a week but text in between most days, depending on what's going on. I would say we're very close but don't live in each other's pockets.

Weekly or twice when I was in my 20's. My dd lives with me so all the time

I'm in my 30s and see my parents roughly every couple of weeks. They live about 30 miles away. I used to live more like 200 miles away and saw them every 3-4 months. I missed them though. DP sees his mum about once a year/two years. She lives about 150 miles away. They chat often though,

I think I could count on them both in a crisis, but routine meet ups don’t seem to happen unless I push for it. I can see why it would come across cold from my updates.

A few people have mentioned step parents, I wouldn’t consider either of my parents partners and their families ‘step’ because I was 18 when they split but I do think it would be different if they were both single or still together even.

It does seem that those of you who have responded, who live near your family see them more often than I so I am considering letting them know I’d like to see them more often as maybe they assume I’m too busy with my job/DP/life. I just don’t want to ‘guilt’ them into making time for me 😬😂

My dc mid twenties works and lives in same city as me. We see or are in contact at least every 2 weeks, depending on our schedules. He comes to me when he has things to talk over which I like. Sometimes we go out for a meal or eat at mine.

My son is 25 still lives at home so I see him most days even if it’s when he wakes me up at 3am to let me know he is home 😂
My dad only lives a 5 min drive away or 10 mins walk. I speak to him pretty much every day and see him most days and if not then every other day
And I normally try to take him out to lunch or dinner at least once a week and if I can’t then my DH will take him out instead .

Before my mum passed away  I would visit them generally every other day and call every day and if I didn’t see them my husband would pop down and check they were ok and if they needed anything .

I see my sister maybe once a month and my nieces every other week normally when at my dads .

My DH on the other hand rarely sees his mum maybe 3- 4 times a year and chats once or twice a month on the phone but he rarely rings her
He sees his sister every week though

I like being close to my family although it’s important to me

Oh and my DH sees his two boys every week they are grown men but they like to meet for breakfast every week and catch up with each other

I see my dad about once or twice a year. He lives 1 mile away. We are not close, never were even when a child. But I do know he would help me if I ever needed it.

About once a month, more if occasions like birthdays. Text most days.

DS1 is 23 and lives with his girlfriend in the next town. He rcomes over by himself every Tuesday after work ( he works in the same town I live in) He rings up several times a week. He and his girlfriend pop around at least once over the weekend. Ove a month we will go out on a walk with him and his girlfriend, go out to lunch or tea. He will give his dad a hand with something that needs doing, he tags us on on FB and we go to gigs, cinema and theatre together.

DS 2 is still at home . We can go a couple if days without seeing each other due to work patterns but we catch up and chat. He was in the local pub last night when I rang up on my way home from work and he asked if I wanted to join him and his mates. His dad was also there so we had a good chat and laugh.

If I didn’t have dcs I’d probably text dm every week or so, just meet for birthdays Christmas etc and only see df once or twice a year- he doesn’t use texts/ phone unless emergency.

When dp and I were in our 20s we used to go to his parents for a roast dinner (30mins drive) every fortnight, and drive to my parents (1h45mins) every 4-6 weeks.

I'm late 30's and probably see my parents every other month? Maybe slightly more. Only really see them for special occasions, like family birthdays etc. We WhatsApp each other daily and probably talk on the phone once a week. They live 50 miles away so not close enough to just pop in.

Back in my 20's I definitely saw them more often, but times change and things move on. My children are now older ( but not all old enough to look after themselves) so trying to fit visits in with their social lives too is tough. So we do the best we can.

I live 45 min drive away from parents and see them every 1-2 weeks. This has been our routine since I moved out 10 years ago. I am now married with kids and see them the same frequency.

I don't ever call them to chat and rarely text.

Mine are dead. We see fiancés at least once a week for a few hours and they often text through the week; too. I'm 29 and he's early 30s.

My parents live an hour away and I see them once every 1-2 months. It used to be every 2 weeks when I was single.

My mom is my best friend. I speak to her everyday, sometimes more than once😳
I see her on average every other day as she has my DD some days during the week. Before DD every Sunday. I am very lucky

I see my muM, dad and sisters twice a week and usually speak every day. They’re my family I don’t see why they wouldn’t be involved in my life.

My husbands family is spread across the world and the family WhatsApp goes every day with photos messages and videos. The Aussies obviously send things through at strange times but they all get read by the family and responded to.

I’d be sad if my dd didn’t want to talk to me no matter where in The world she decided to go.

My son is 22 but lives 145 miles away . We speak every day but see each other about once a month , maybe more .
I don’t have a relationship with my mum so try to make sure that pattern doesn’t repeat .