One way ticket.

[hunkyfunkymunky]

Hi all, I'm new to the fold and even though I'm a guy in my late 50's, who apart from being reasonably clever, has moved with the times and done courses and classes to educate myself further to enhance my career prospects. My friends call me a great guy who has been a good grafter/bread winner to my family and not one to shy away from making sure my family are a priority. After leaving a long term relationship, I made sure my teenage kids, who live with their mother and are finished school, are well cared for and never short or stuck in any way.

However, I met a lady some 6 months ago and it was immediate, that we knew we were the only two parts of a jigsaw. We got on superb from that first date and apart from a few times that I've been ill or had other things needing my attention, we spend the weekends together.
Something to note from the start, I drive and she can't, due to a medical issue, but, this doesn't bother me, I enjoy driving, so it's no biggie and she's less than an hour away. After seeing her for a month, she suggested staying the weekend with her, I was in agreement, so that weekend, we spend together. The same happened every weekend since. On Monday gone, I ordered an item, that because of what it is, the laws and how the company works, they only deliver on Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday, so I suggested to her, having the weekend at my home as I had a very important delivery being made to me by a courier this weekend. I said, "the delivery I'm expecting is very valuable and has cost me a large sum of money, I have to be at home between 8.30am and 11.30 am, this is in case, the courier is ahead or behind on his deliveries, the time scale is 3 hours". She went very quiet, I asked if she was OK, she replied, "yes, but I don't want to go to your home", when I asked why, she simply said, "I don't like it". I was both stunned and offended, I keep a very clean and tidy home, that doesn't smell like that of some single guys, in fact, my home is tidier than her's. I asked her what the issue was, she claimed she didn't like where I live. I told her, "I've been here all my life and although it's nothing like where you live, it's a nice small and quiet village, that doesn't have a huge high street or shopping malls within ear shot and the place is a good way from a major road. Once the delivery has been made, we can jump in the car and go to her house, even at that suggestion, she flatly refused.

I've sat on this, mulling it over, but the last couple of days has become an issue for me. It's only one weekend and it's not going to be a big deal, but I feel taken for granted. I can't understand her reluctance, it's not like she's a million miles away from home.

Is there something I'm missing and can't see here?

Your dialogues are not very convincing.

Not sure why your opinion that you're reasonably clever is relevant.

Maybe she is anxious.
Maybe she only likes being in her own space.
It is odd though as a relationship is a two way street.
It's give and take.
What will happen if this relationship moves forward?
I assume your family are close to you.
So what? You move to be with her and leave everyone behind.
I think you should really consider where this is going.
If she isn't prepared to compromise, that is not a good sign.
It appears so far, that it's all on her terms.

Ignore the PP - you were painting a picture - I get it!

What is you gut feeling op?

Either she doesn't like you enough to make the journey to your house, or put herself out for you in any way, or she has some sort of anxiety or need to be near her own house.

Have you told her how it made you feel?

Have you got a toilet brush?
She may be an mnetter and it's a def no no...

Maybe she is nervous of being somewhere so rural? She doesn't drive, and if you are in a small village there is unlikely to be frequent public transport, so she is rather at your mercy.

You said she can't drive due to a medical issue. She may very well have anxiety problems with being far away from home. Gently talk to her, dont write it off yet. She may not want to divulge anything at the moment but just be weary of this reaction may not be voluntary.

Maybe she feels safer in her own home, maybe she has had an issue with another man in his own home? Maybe she said it in a way she didn't mean. Perhaps you should leave it to her to contact you so you dont seem to be putting pressure on her?

Good luck!

My wild guess is that there’s something about your home that makes her feel like she doesn’t want to be there, maybe a hygiene issue you can’t see/smell, maybe you lived there with an ex and she’s insecure about it, who knows. If she’s not willing to actually tell you what the issue is that doesn’t bode too well for your communication and honesty together.

Thank you for the very fast replies, I hope I didn't offend anyone with my remark about being clever, what I should have said was I'm not stupid, but cannot get my head around her way of thinking.
I don't want to put pressure on her, but I have to be at home for the collection. I might just suggest we both stay at out own homes this weekend and catch up again next weekend.
Where I live is a small place, my kids are only 100 yards away, the majority of my friends are here and all of my hobbies are based within 10 miles.

The break up with my ex was a very torrid situation, I was left in a horrendous financial situation, I moved into a bungalow with nothing, bar my clothes and for 6 months, I was like a hermit. I really have struggled to get back to my feet and trust anyone again.
My gut feelings are all over at the moment, I don't know whether to stay with her or walk away, before I get in too deep and can't get out, I'm also very wary about my finances, having been exploited before.
We have been very open with each other and more or less, know each other inside out.

It does seem a one way situation with her and this concerns me, I have had the feeling that I'm chasing my tail with no compromise from her. One thing has just hit me, a month ago, we'd arranged to go out on a Saturday night, a bite to eat was planned, then a walk along a street of some 6-7 pubs, a couple of which, we'd tried before and didn't like. We left the restaurant and walked to the first pub, she pulled me passed, saying she didn't like the smell, at the next pub, it was the same. At the third pub, I walked in, turned around and she was no where to be seen, I went back outside and she was walking towards pub No 4. I followed her, she went passed it and caught her up outside pub 5, she walked in, then straight back out, claiming, "it stunk". Al of there pubs have had a lot of updating and upgrading in the last 5-6 years and none have a smell, sometimes the smells from a local takeaway drift in, but after a few seconds, it's gone. We ended up in the last pub in the row and we were sat alone, no one we know was in there, we were stared at for most of the night and eventually we left and went home after 2 drinks. She was in an odd mood that night, very much, "it's my way or the highway".
The more I consider the way things have gone recently, the more I think I should call it a day, sooner, rather than later.

I'll spend the weekend giving it some serious thought.

It seems really inflexible of her that she doesn't want to come to yours this weekend. If she liked you and wanted to see you then she would visit. Unless she has some weird medical sense of smell issue then she's just not that into you.

Also a jigsaw with only 2 pieces is a pretty simple jigsaw, not casting aspersions, just saying

She's a bugger to take on a pub crawl, isn't she?! She does sound odd, and not in a good way.

And yes, to @Shoxfordian, what's this two piece jigsaw?

She clearly doesn't understand the concept of a pub crawl

Which is another reason to dump her

Could she be worried about seeing someone you know?

She's obviously got some kind of sensory issues. Has she told you what the medical condition that prevents her from driving is?

I'd guess she doesn't like the smell of your house

Dear god! Where to start? Too much, too fast. You don't know this woman well, much less the whole two pieces of a jigsaw - for real, my teenage boyfriend said that to me, and you're in your 50s? The whole live like a hermit. This all sounds odd AF. This gal is odd. You can't spend a weekend apart? Gees, slow down with this!

She sounds like her unwillingness to be flexible is bothering you and it is unlikely to change

She seems very odd and very hard work!

If you live 100 m from your kids presumably that's from your ex as well? She maybe worried about seeing her or the children?

I agree with PP, slow it down a bit, you've been through a tough time and it's very easy to fall into a trap of not being able to see people's faults when you like someone when you're vulnerable.

Either that or she's not as much into it as you are, you're doing all the work so far. A weekend apart may give you some perspective.

I might just suggest we both stay at out own homes this weekend and catch up again next weekend

This is v sensible.

Have you ever been away for the night somewhere else? Eg hotel) friend's house? Does she just have a very strong sense of smell?

Christ OP, I think you deserve better than this moron.... find someone who cherishes you and your background.

Thank you all for the replies, my reasoning behind the "jigsaw" quote, is that we really seemed to click, like the only way a 2 piece jigsaw can fit together, this is my way of looking at it. My comment about the pub crawl, might seem extreme, I only drink halves and she drinks red wine, with orange juice in between, so in all, she might have 3 or 4 glasses of wine and I might have at most 7 halves of beer/lager at most.

I've sat on this for the most of tonight and I think I'll be telling her, I'm staying at home this weekend, to mull over my future with her.

Thank you all.

Did she stand her round?
If not, dump her.

I don't think she is that into you.

Does she just not like pubs or drinking that much?

Regardless, I can't see it going anywhere as she would never be willing to move to your village as she won't even go there, and you would never move away from there.