One way ticket.

[hunkyfunkymunky]

Hi all, I'm new to the fold and even though I'm a guy in my late 50's, who apart from being reasonably clever, has moved with the times and done courses and classes to educate myself further to enhance my career prospects. My friends call me a great guy who has been a good grafter/bread winner to my family and not one to shy away from making sure my family are a priority. After leaving a long term relationship, I made sure my teenage kids, who live with their mother and are finished school, are well cared for and never short or stuck in any way.

However, I met a lady some 6 months ago and it was immediate, that we knew we were the only two parts of a jigsaw. We got on superb from that first date and apart from a few times that I've been ill or had other things needing my attention, we spend the weekends together.
Something to note from the start, I drive and she can't, due to a medical issue, but, this doesn't bother me, I enjoy driving, so it's no biggie and she's less than an hour away. After seeing her for a month, she suggested staying the weekend with her, I was in agreement, so that weekend, we spend together. The same happened every weekend since. On Monday gone, I ordered an item, that because of what it is, the laws and how the company works, they only deliver on Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday, so I suggested to her, having the weekend at my home as I had a very important delivery being made to me by a courier this weekend. I said, "the delivery I'm expecting is very valuable and has cost me a large sum of money, I have to be at home between 8.30am and 11.30 am, this is in case, the courier is ahead or behind on his deliveries, the time scale is 3 hours". She went very quiet, I asked if she was OK, she replied, "yes, but I don't want to go to your home", when I asked why, she simply said, "I don't like it". I was both stunned and offended, I keep a very clean and tidy home, that doesn't smell like that of some single guys, in fact, my home is tidier than her's. I asked her what the issue was, she claimed she didn't like where I live. I told her, "I've been here all my life and although it's nothing like where you live, it's a nice small and quiet village, that doesn't have a huge high street or shopping malls within ear shot and the place is a good way from a major road. Once the delivery has been made, we can jump in the car and go to her house, even at that suggestion, she flatly refused.

I've sat on this, mulling it over, but the last couple of days has become an issue for me. It's only one weekend and it's not going to be a big deal, but I feel taken for granted. I can't understand her reluctance, it's not like she's a million miles away from home.

Is there something I'm missing and can't see here?

Hope the delivery does turn up!

I agree moving too quickly. Take weekends to yourself occasionally

Think long term if she won't come to you would you be happy with a permanent move to her location?

Good luck

It's neither polite or fair to always have things her way - i.e. in terms of never going to your house.

Personally, I would be a bit offended.
I think you are right to have a little breather from her this weekend and mull things over.
I hope your delivery comes on time and that you have a good weekend.

You see her as a jigsaw, I do as well...only in my case I see power tools with barbed teeth that will wear you down and break your will in two eventually. This lady wants a doormat who does as she says, and panders to her princess-like preferences. It is rude to comment on your home. She is acting like a child with poor manners, and she doesn't drive so the responsibility for transport is all at your door. The bottom line is that you sound like a bargain fella who has got his head screwed on, and his priorities in the right order...the problem is that she doesn't and is not interested in a relationship involving give and take. If she is that inflexible then she has personality issues, selfish tendencies and will make a lousy long-term partner especially if her medical issues get worse, rendering you more carer than lover.

Just a little catch up, I've asked several of my friends for an honest answer if there is a smell or aroma in my home and none have said anything negative, I have a plug in type of air freshener in the front room and the bathroom has a battery operated one, so most of the time, my home has a fresh cotton scent.
I moved into my home just under 2 years ago and my ex and the kids live in the house we shared. My current partner does not have any issues (or so she tells me) in meeting my ex and/or kids and she has been in my home several times, but not for a long while.
I don't have a lot of money, apart from what is tied up in the house, so I do budget carefully and there are times, when I struggle and we have to have a quieter time some weekends, but I do my best. She has never bought a drink and only paid for dinner once. Once, a little time back, I wasn't feeling very well, because I suffer from fibromyalgia, I informed her on the Friday night, that if I felt the same on Saturday morning, I wouldn't be spending the weekend with her, her reply was, "that's not good enough, I've made plans and I deserve to be treated like a lady and with respect"! Apart from feeling like crap, this also annoyed me greatly, so I put the phone down and turned it off.

I turned it back on, on Monday morning and within seconds, it rang, she started to berate me for putting the putting the phone down on her, she was promptly informed that I was ill and not even in any condition to drive, before she could say another word, I told her, I would call her when I was feeling better. That seemed to calm her down a bit.
The more I look back on this situation, the more I'm convincing myself to get out of this relationship.

Thank you all for your input.

Your posts make me think of an ex of mine.

Initially he seemed really nice and we talked for hours on the phone, well he talked I listened.
He did not drive. Lived n hour's drive away. He was totally set in his ways and was absolutely ok with me driving all the time.

Moaned about meeting half way for night out(train station at end of his road) train station 3miles for me.
Did not want to come to my home said it was too much hassle for him so I had to visit him. He worked part time(2days a week).
Anyway I ended it after a few months because he just whinged about everything in his life and was so negative about everything and it just dragged me down.

This woman sounds like she is a right PITA(pain in the ares).
You shouldn't have to make all the compromises in a relationship.
Give and take comes naturally in good relationships.
You're the one who is doing all the work to try and make it work.

Being with someone who wants it all their way it's mentally and physically exhausting...and it does absolutely nothing for your self esteem in the long term and just raises your anxiety around the whole relationship.

The best test of how someone will act in a relationship is this type of situation you have this weekend and their reaction to it.

Her reaction to you asking to come to your house seems to indicate she is not willing to be flexible in any way.

So you either stick with someone who will make you miserable very quickly or you stop it before it goes any further. Life is too short.

@hunkyfunkymunky
Just crossed posted with your update
Well after reading your update.

You definitely need to end it with her she's a nightmare and sounds really awful.
Fibromyalgia as you know is exacerbated by stress.
You don't need that type of stress in your life.

she doesn't pay for drinks? what would happen if you were to say " your round next. I got the last one"

OP I think ending this would be the right thing for you.

It is quite satisfying to think of her phoning constantly, only to hear a dead line.

She's not a good match for you, OP. She's utterly selfish and you deserve better.

She has never bought a drink and only paid for dinner once.

This combined with the 'I deserve to be treated like a lady and with respect"! makes me think she wants to be queen bee and she expects you to dance to her tune - and pay for it.

You need to decide if that's the type of dynamic you want. The whole 'this pub stinks' over and over makes me think she was making a point that you were 'cheap' for taking her to a pub and not a nice wine bar.

You sound such a lovely gentleman who really deserves an equally lovely lady. This lady is not the one for you. Don’t give up and find someone who would adore cosy nights in with you at your house.

She has never bought a drink and only paid for dinner once.

Another Red flag.

I'd cut and run she is not a keeper.

If she's sensitive to smell, I bet the chemical smell of the plug in air fresheners is the problem. Well, one of them anyway. From the sounds of it, I don't necessarily think you want to encourage her to come to your house.

I'm wondering if she has some type of OCD behaviours where she can't cope with other people's mess, or germs or some such thing? It's certainly odd.

I hate the smell of air freshener in some peoples houses.
But if it was a man I wanted to date, I'd just tell him to turn it off or remove it as it made my nose run. I can't imagine why you wouldn't just say if that was the issue.

She sounds like hard work. Some of her behaviour is controlling. Other parts of her behaviour are very odd. Her reaction to the weekend you were unwell would be enough for me to end it without the other stuff.
Is this actually what you want?

She seems a bit odd all right, and after your last update I think you should dump, she sounds like a right pain in the arse. You can do better op.

She sounds like she has had bad experiences with men in the past and keeping you at a distance. Its your call do what feels right for you. Personally I didn't like my dp house eather. But thats becouse he had a moterbike in his hallway.

Wow OP, she sounds dreadful! I think it's a real test, seeing what people are like when you are ill ( a proper illness like fibro, not 'man flu'). You need someone who cares for you and not just themselves.

Just end it then OP, you hardly know her and don't sound at all compatible. You both come across as pretty odd to be honest and would clearly both be far better off with someone else.

Good morning all, the weekend has come and gone, I've had time to myself to think, apart from hopping out for a couple of hours on Saturday night to see friends.

Although we are all fully aware of people, circumstances and other factors that make us question our own judgement, it is with the benefit of others, who give a different perspective to problems that may or have arisen, that we make a decision. So it with advice given and my own common sense/realisation, I have decided to call it a day with her.
I've come to realise, I'm in danger of becoming a door mat and a lunch ticket, as anyone who suffers from fibro will know, there are days when thinking is difficult and I don't want to be in the situation were I cannot hold a conversation, when the fog descends. So, that's it, she will be getting informed of my decision later today, no doubt, she'll say, "lets talk this over like adults", no, it's not happening, the time for talking is finished, my mind is made up and the next step in my life does not include her.
Thank you all for your input and advice, another persons perspective to a situation can be very invaluable at certain times in ones life and for me, that time is now.

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape op.

I would just text her she sounds a bit odd, you don't want to get into a big conversation with her.

Good on you OP.

Just read the full thread and I'm glad you've come to that conclusion OP.
I think you're right and were a meal ticket.

Although next time you go on a date just order a pint because drinking 2 half pints instead of a pint is weird