Possible to have a row-free long term relationship?

[anyname147]

Just wondered if anyone has been or is in a long term relationship (7 plus years), or knows of any long term couples, who only have minor disagreements/rows on rare occasions (behind closed doors), as opposed to huge rows/disagreements from time to time? I would be interested if such relationships do actually happen?

We very rarely argue. Why are you asking?

Me - I’ve been with DH for 20 years and we hardly ever row and if we do it’s 100% behind closed doors.

Of course we disagree but we talk it through & even if we end up still disagreeing that’s OK.

Over 10 years here and no rows. We do disagree and occasionally get snappy/irritable but so far have managed to keep the sense that we both want what's best for each other/the family even if we have different views about what that is. I also think trying to air and resolve little niggles before they become problems helps.

8 years together and married for 5 and a half. I can count on one hand the amount of arguments we've had. We are just pleasant to each other and laugh quite a lot

Nearly 40 years. No big rows. Very few small ones, and very rarely in public.

Yes. Plus all my friends actually. One friend and her husband argued all the time and it was pretty clear they were en route to breaking up because it must be exhausting being like that all the time. They did break up and are much happier with other partners.

We might bicker about small things but fundamentally like each other and want to spend time together, no trust or resentment issues etc.

Sorry you’re going through it, but no, it isn’t normal or healthy

10 years together, 2 years married, 3 month old baby. I can count on one hand the amount of small rows/disagreements we have had. We always talk it through and try to help each other understand where we are coming from.

We never argue. Married 25 years

If we break up it’ll be because we never argue. Or have disagreements. Which means one of us is often swallowing our thoughts.

We've been together 10-11 years.

We've never had a big blow out argument or even come close to splitting up.

I don't think we've ever had a serious argument. Though we've had a few disagreements.

Me (and DH 😉).

10 years, no big rows. But we’re both not really rowing type of people. Do you have short tempers with other people/in other situations too? No offence, but I know some people who make massive mountains out of molehills all the time and turn little things into big deals - people like that tend to get into big arguments, it’s almost as though they thrive off the drama - although there is no real drama. So I guess I’m asking, are you arguing over little things? Or big things? Because if there are constantly big problems for 7+ years then maybe it’s just not meant to be. Little things creating big arguments, one partner or both need to change their attitude (and grow up a bit).

Not here I’m afraid, we have big rows from time to time, though not in public. We have in the past argued both more and less than we do now, probably linked in part to the stressors in our lives, which is a big element in relationship harmony IMO. It’s not ideal but on balance we’re really committed, love each other a lot and try to be nice to each other (even when knackered and sleep deprived from DC, stressed about work, worried about an ill family member etc.)

14 years together, never row. My DH is one of the most laid back easy going people ever ,I'm very lucky. Things that might cause an argument with other couples we just laugh about and work out. His parents were married 42 years ( before lovely MIL died ) and he says he never heard them row ever.

I'm not an arguer. My parents hardly argued. Sibling and spouse never argue.

When with my ExH we never argued (15 years).
He knew from near the beginning that we discuss things as adults.
Both put our point across and we can either compromise or agree to disagree without it causing any tension.
That was a problem when we split up as our DD couldn't understand it as we never argued. She soon figured out he was a cheating scumbag though.
Some couples love a good argument though.
Some thrive on it.
It works for some but not for others.
Everyone is different.
But.... if you are having huge rows in public then something is wrong.
What do you argue about?
Is it the same thing over and over?

17 years together and married 11. Can count on one hand the amount of big rows we’ve had over this time and it’s always been behind closed doors although mostly when we were younger. Don’t get me wrong we have disagreements but we aren’t confrontational and don’t nag each other..... I think that’s the biggest thing for us, we give space and respect the other persons view completely even if we disagree. Why do you ask?

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am truly surprised - but pleased - that my heavily cynical view on male/female relationships is wrongly skewed. I was under the impression that all couples (bar a rare few) had major tensions behind closed doors. Many give the appearance in public of being tension-free but I assumed this wasn’t how it was in reality. I really thought most men & women could not really live harmoniously together for years and years but as I say - my view is very skewed from personal experience. It’s really encouraging that you have all proved me wrong!

Me and my husband have had one argument. The day before our wedding over kitchen floor 😂

I am truly surprised - but pleased - that my heavily cynical view on male/female relationships is wrongly skewed.

Its mumsnet, what do you expect. This is the home of people with troubled relationships. You get a totally skewed view of life here.

Nearly 25 years and we occasionally have the odd bicker, usually if we're tired. No rows though. Parents and sibling seem to be the same.

We've been together 19 years, married 15, 3 children. We've had 2 big arguments I think, though obviously we bicker or disagree only twice could count as rows.

Approaching the 7 year mark. We’ve never had bad rows. We’re simply not the kind of people who row. We have disagreements, we get cross with each other, we get hurt by one another etc but we don’t have rows. Our kind don’t do that sort of thing.

Am truly amazed by everyone’s positive storiies - incredible!

My teenage ex bf and I rowed once. I was drunk and chucked his drink away (I was tantrumming basically) and he lost his temper at me in public, shouted at me and grabbed me by the shoulders. We were 19ish so yeah.

My exh and I had some very unhappy years. He could be a dreadful misogynist, hugely jealous and controlling, manipulative etc. But we never had a single row in public. He slightly raised his voice to me about twice in over 10 years, in private. I probably did the same 3-4 times out of frustration rather than anger. We never name called. We did have some really painful upsetting conversations, we were not happy but we didn't have rows.

My current dp and I are 4 years in. We have never had a row or angry words. He says something that upsets me about once a year, I tell him he upset me and why, he says sorry and then it's fine. I finally upset him myself about a week ago by comparing myself to someone he dislikes. I noticed he was getting worked up and said sorry. That was it.

My parents never argued in front of us. My dp's parents, same. My exh parents, same though his dad could be really difficult.

Violent, nasty arguing is something that can be really common in certain communities / families, and totally unheard of in others. Arguing is a skill, you learn it from others so it's a case of having role models (for good or ill).