Possible to have a row-free long term relationship?

[anyname147]

Just wondered if anyone has been or is in a long term relationship (7 plus years), or knows of any long term couples, who only have minor disagreements/rows on rare occasions (behind closed doors), as opposed to huge rows/disagreements from time to time? I would be interested if such relationships do actually happen?

14 years together, 4 married. We've had rows but never fallen out or anything like that. We just make sure we talk about things before I gets to the point of argument I suppose!

Us! Together 15 years and maybe about 5 bickering/row episodes.

I think what's stood to us is that both of us are fairly easygoing, we both are very respectful of each other/ each other's possessions, we deal with minor things with humour, and when we do have a disagreement we are both focused on hearing the other's point of view and both make an effort to take on board some of the points or meet them halfway with a compromise both of us can live with. We don't shout and calling each other anything derogatory is something we've also never done because long after you've forgotten what a row was about, you'll remember what they called you.

We've been together 11 years and rarely argue. Maybe once or twice a year. We respect each other enough to know that if one of us gets angry then there's a reason for it and back off enough to calm down and talk about it rationally. We are pretty honest with each other and often disagree but we never have stand up blazing rows. I don't think there's anything wrong with arguing - it's essential that people in a long term relationship can express themselves and be honest with each other, and that sometimes means getting angry, but it's not good when you argue about all the same things and build up resentment.

Yes, been together 11 years. We get annoyed with each other or have minor disagreements if we’re especially tired or stressed. But I can probably count the actual shouting arguments on one hand. I mean some of them extended over several arguments but they are rare enough that I can remember exactly when they were and what they were about.

We generally agree about things (finances, housework, work-family balance) and talked a lot about those issues before we got married, so the big things most couples argue about are things we ironed out very early on. We also have pretty compatible personalities (I am more fiery but dh more chill, so even when I get worked up, his relaxed attitude to it all does help prevent it escalating!).

I don’t think no arguments is healthy though. The arguments we have had were about big things (financial priorities, balance of parenting burden, horrible MIL) but they were productive enough that we only needed to have them once!

29 years together, married 27. No rows apart from one memorable one on the Coventry ring road and hardly any disagreements. I'm the more feisty I would say and DH mostly lets me get on with things. If he ever states he's against something then we do things his way 99% of the time. We treat everyone politely in this house. To me it's bonkers that people are politer to randommers rather than their nearest and dearest.

I will admit that it's not always easy but to think of the other person first makes for a much smoother life.

20 years,we bicker a lot but never serious!

9 years, 1 row that lasted 5 minutes - that one was my fault, he put his side forward, I apologised. We bicker sometimes but usually end up laughing and talking it through. I think that I learnt not to game play from first marraige which was full of rows. If there's a problem I say so, we discuss and compromise. I now never say "I'm fine" or "do what you want" etc.

Person 1: "I didn't like it when you ... because...."
Person 2: "Fair enough. How should we deal with this?"

Very interested in this thread - a very good question OP.

My situation is that my parents never argued, and because of that plus other psychological reasons I am terrified of conflict and arguments. As a PP said, I bury things inside.

So what I'd like to know is how those who don't argue see things. Are they really that close that arguments are unnecessary? Or does one partner harbor resentment and internalise it, and quietly seethe with resentment? Or something in between?

Together 14yrs. DH is very laid back. I would say I'm the shouty one.
We bicker but it's never ended in massive argument.

My partner and I have been together 6 and a half years. We've had 1 argument, which wasn't even an argument, more a disagreement, and one or two strops. That's it. We've never had a blazing row or stormed off etc.

Been together nearly 10 years since the age of 19. We bicker occasionally (although it's more banter) and then it's done it's not carried on into an argument more just we are happy to disagree sometimes. Very rarely do we argue.

Been together 13 years, married for 2 years. We have two young children. We never row. I can't remember the last time we did. We disagree of course, and irritate each other sometimes but it's never an argument.

I'm quite fiery and difficult, I have a short fuse and get frustrated easily so I've often wondered if it's DH that makes our relationship so straightforward and harmonious, and if it would be different if I was with someone else. But I think I play a role, we talk well and are both able to be open without it turning into an argument.

I think not playing games helps. There has never been silent treatment, door slamming, sulking, leaving the house etc. Just talking.

Together 35 years, and back in the early days I used to be a bit difficult. Just testing I guess cos he was younger and much more attractive than me so was testing to see how much he really cared. Since then, hand on heart, I can't remember a single row. Differences of opinion, mistakes made but we've always been kind to each other and behaved with love and respect. Smug brag over.

We have been together for 20+ years and we very very rarely row. There are issues and disagreements in all relationships, of course, but when they arise we both try very hard to resolve them by calm, sensible discussion.

One very important factor which contributes to the lack of rows is money. We are not rich, but we are comfortable and we have separate finances. This is absolutely fundamental. Each partner’s salary is paid into their own account, then we both pay a set amount into a joint account each month, out of which the mortgage and all household bills are paid. The remainder of our salaries are our own to spend, save invest or set fire to as we see fit. There is simply nothing to argue about. We have never had a single argument about money.

DH and I have an argument maybe once a year if that and usually over something stupid like taking out the bins. It rarely lasts longer than a day or so and would never happen in public. Been together 23 years.

I said this recently on a similar thread, be careful which yardstick you use to measure a relationship. I know people who never argue, at least three couples, it's because one party is never listened to or respected, or one partner is incredibly dominant and in at least one there is an abusive partner, so they go along with what the other says. One couple he has done this for so long I think he'd have a hard job even knowing what his own opinion is now. They would all accurately say they don't row, it doesn't mean their relationships are healthy.

Me and OH coming up to 7 years , we don't argue at all really. Not huge rows, we bicker sometimes, more now post baby, but we've only ever had one big row where we split around year 2 or 3 for a few weeks but that was more to do with my mental health and shutting people away.
It's possible.

Over 30 years together and we never row, never have. We do bicker occasionally, but it's very minor. Our relationship is healthy, we are equals & neither of us dominates the other. There's mutual respect.

20+ years. We've had a few massive rows but v. rarely. We do bicker and snap sometimes but we try not to let things get heated- one of us will say let's stop arguing and we change the subject, or we do separate things for a while and calm down.

I used to be more of a shouter but I've realised how unpleasant and disrespectful it is - no one should be yelled at. So I've learned to watch my tongue!

We never row. He has never raised his voice at me either

Together 20 years. Rarely row, I get a bit snappy when I have PMT but am good at apologising. If he seems out of sorts is usually work stress so I try to be supportive rather than escalate things. I don’t think it’s caused issues for our children, they seem to have healthy relationships!

Both our sets of parents had very unhappy marriages which helps us keep focused on. It being like that I think.

I think it's possible for certain matchings of personality types. I also think you can have more fiery pairings who will clash, but also love each other deeply.

I don't see a complete lack of arguments as a guarantee of a wonderful relationship.

I agree with other PPs that not rowing is not necessarily a sign of a good relationship. I also think it's important that you're not afraid of rowing as honesty is vital and sometimes honesty means expressing when you're angry! That brings the risk of a row with it. If you try too hard to avoid that then you're not being straight with other.

20 years in January - never row as in shout and yell at each other. We get snippy occasionally but by and large we generally have the same view point on most things which is what makes us compatible.

We are very good at communicating and discussing things if we don't agree. I agree with a pp that we both have the best interests of each other/the family at heart so we start from that truth.