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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's cheating isn't he?

56 replies

Leileilei04 · 21/11/2019 03:40

So DD 6 was getting ready to go to dancing class and OH said he would wait for her in the car. I went out to the car just to give him a hug, he was on his phone and wasn't expecting me, the colour drained from his face and he was trying desperately to click off whatever he was on its not porn as I don't care about that and he wouldn't be watching it in his car .

I let it go later that night I asked him to send me a video of DD he got his phone but was hiding the screen on his WhatsApp so I couldn't see.
Then the next day OH cleaned the bathroom, hoovered up and done the dishes (he doesn't do that without me nagging). He suggested taking me to a nice restaurant next week then talking about taking some time off work to spend time with me he's never normally this nice .

The frequency of sex is the same nothing changed there
He's gone to work now in London til Friday evening, (he stays at his parents 3 nights a week to work).

My gut instinct says something fishy going on I have no idea how to get on his phone and I'm just wondering where to go from here.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 21/11/2019 03:48

Do you share a bank account? Can you see his expenditure? Go through every single pocket....all jackets and trousers. It does sound as though something's going on sadly. I'm sorry OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/11/2019 03:59

His reaction is concerning, I agree. Not normal at all.

BlueGingerale · 21/11/2019 04:08

Certainly sounds like he’s cheating.

Pixxie7 · 21/11/2019 04:16

Sounds odd but it could be something else. Ask him.

Sadiesnakes · 21/11/2019 04:22

Don't ask him,, he's obviously not prepared to admit to anything, hence his reaction in the car.
You need to dig dig and dig some more, it may take awhile as he'll be on alert now, but if he was going to be open and honest about it he had his chance.

prezziebox · 21/11/2019 04:29

Are you married Op? Could he be planning a proposal? I wouldn't straight away jump to the conclusion that he's cheating because from what you've said it doesn't really sound like that's enough to go on to assume that.. All's he's done really is go on his phone and be nice to you..

everyonebutme · 21/11/2019 05:02

Don't assume the worst. Other signs are phone constantly glued to him or put upside down so you can see the screen. Does it have a lock/pin on it?

Cloverbeauty · 21/11/2019 05:56

I was thinking proposal too, or Christmas present shopping. Hopefully it's nothing bad.

Passthebubbly · 21/11/2019 07:57

I was thinking perhaps he was ordering your Xmas gift too

TheBlueStocking · 21/11/2019 08:03

Could easily be a Christmas present.

booboo24 · 21/11/2019 08:15

I'd say christmas present too, I did exactly the same thing last night to mine, I went to show him an email, but turned the screen whilst scrolling because of the order confirmations sitting there! I didn't think anything of it until I went to turn it back and I thought hmmm, I wonder what would have gone through my mind if it was him turning his screen away! I really hope that's all it is x

EvenPhilip · 21/11/2019 08:18

Certainly sounds like he's cheating ffs Hmm
I'm going with Christmas present/proposal.

BlueGingerale · 21/11/2019 08:20

No way is it a Christmas present. He (apparently) stays with his parents 3 nights a week. He has loads of time to organise a Christmas present - and to meet other people.

Wallywobbles · 21/11/2019 08:23

Ring the landline this evening where he's staying. Do you have find my phone or similar? I'd be gathering evidence for a week or 2.

Original poster
Leileilei04 · 21/11/2019 08:27

He doesn't get me surprise Xmas presents he asks me what I want and that's it.

OP posts:
tomatosoup4 · 21/11/2019 08:28

I don't know if this will be any use to you but have you got the find my friends app? If you have go on it and his location might be open and you can see where he is. I know that sound really stalker'ish but my dd showed me and I can see where my ex is when he's lying about being at work when he's suppose to have the kids 🙄

Lllot5 · 21/11/2019 08:29

I thought Xmas present too.
Think you need a bit more evidence to jump to cheating. Unless he has form of course. Is there anything else?

nocluewhattodoo · 21/11/2019 08:30

Why would he be doing his Christmas shopping on his phone, sitting in the car waiting to take DD somewhere, not when he has wife/child free time 3 days a week? Making an excuse to wait in the car sounds like he got a message from someone and couldn't wait to reply, people get sloppy when they are in the throes of lust. Then hiding his whatsapp screen. All not good signs imo.

You need to act totally normal, go along with his love bombing to lull him into a false sense of security before you go digging for more information. Although I bet he will have a passcode on his phone now if he didn't have one before, or he will change the code.

Sadiesnakes · 21/11/2019 08:30

If you feel it's not right op, listen to your gut.
Lol at the optimism on here, obviously very new to relationships.

starfishcoffee · 21/11/2019 08:31

It does, sadly, sound suspicious. Could you ask to look through his phone? If there's nothing to hide then he'll be open with it. Otherwise, do you know his password? I'd definitely have a look..

booboo24 · 21/11/2019 08:31

In that case watch and wait, but hopefully it's not what you're thinking, and to be honest I think that that on it's own is a large conclusion to jump to. I'm easily convinced people are cheating (prolific cheater of an ex husband of mine to thank for the cynic in me) but I think there would be other behaviours to go along with it.

EvenPhilip · 21/11/2019 08:35

Obviously very new to relationships Grin
How very patronising.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 21/11/2019 08:45

Are you certain he is at his parents? Do you speak to him on their landline??
That's where I'd start my investigations.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 21/11/2019 08:52

I think it could be a proposal too!

MikeUniformMike · 21/11/2019 08:56

I'd say cheating.

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