My partner suffers from severe anxiety can't cope.

[livvvv]

Hello guys my partner suffers from severe anxiety, health anxiety panic attack and depression. I honeslty just don't feel like I can cope with it any longer. I understand he's the one who is struggle but being a carer for someone with mental issues is so mentally draining. Especially when it's a one way street. He doesn't support me or even bother to ask if I'm okay, and it's getting to the point where I can feel myself wanted to spend less time with him as I just can't deal with it anymore it's too much. He's issues effect him leaving the house without breaking down he spends all day every day freaking out and it all lands on me to reassure him for hours on end, or relationship isn't a relationship. I can feel my mood changing so much not to mention the added pressure of finding out I'm pregnant. Am I being selfish for feeling like this anyone got any advice or tips on what to do how to cope.

What professional help is he accessing?

Do you have kids together ?

Of course you’re not being selfish; it’s very draining to effectively be a cared for someone who is mentally unwell. When did this start? And is he getting professional support?

Do you think it's your pregnancy bringing this to a head for you?

No its not selfish at all it must be utterly exhausting. How long have you been coping like this? Is he making progress, getting the right help?

We don't have any kids together i have a 2 year old already but I am only 21 so still really young. If I'm being true to myself I think I've been feeling this for a while but finding out I'm pregnant has definetly added a lot of thought and pressure to the situation as you can imagine. Especially as he doesn't want to keep the baby and I essentially don't want to let doing it my own or with someone I'm not going to be with in the long or make a decision that might I'm going to regret if I choose not to keep it because he's not mentally ready or stable but that's a completely different conversation all together. He's been struggle with this for 7 years. I've only been with him for 2 but he doesn't seem to be getting any better. He just started going back to doing CBT therapy but honestly I don't think its enough but he will be consider taking medicine as he's health anxiety makes him believe he's gonna die with everything it's just a lot and I'm really struggle to figure how I can do this as it really start to affect how I feel now.

Gosh OP, you're so young to have so much on your shoulders. I would take a step back from the relationship and decide what you want to do about the pregnancy.

Am I right to assume he’s not working? If that’s the case, how will he provide for a child of his own?

My ex was like this, he actually broke up with me but when I think back on it I am so unbelievably relieved to be out of it. I wasnt myself when we were together, I was nothing but someone else's support. You already have a lot going on with a little one at a young age, don't add more to your shoulders.

Yeah it's a lot I don't have all the answers and I just don't know what I'm meant to, with any of this. No he doesn't work so again everything falls on me as it is anyway. I pay for everything and have done since I met him etc I essentially feel like I'm the man in the relationship which is fine it's just what's the point in being someone if they can't offer you anything mentally physically financially emotionally and I understand that isn't his fault but it just puts me a pretty shit situation because is it fair to bring into this. As a mother you do everything for kids you make it work but that doesn't mean I should have to on my own I don't know it's all abit too much for my liking

Why are you with this man? What does he bring to your life?

If I was you I would break it off, seriously consider ending the pregnancy and making a new start for you and your existing child not dragged down by this pathetic excuse for a boyfriend.

This is going to sound very harsh and I’m sorry but at 22 with a 2 year old you don’t need this shit. I would terminate the pregnancy and dump the partner and start over. You have your whole life ahead of you and you and your 2 year old deserve better than this.

It wasn't always like this and I think that's what makes it hard you always want to see the best in people. I just feel we've been through too much as it. Thankyou for everyone advice I think deep down I know what it is I need to do but that's never really the hard part it's doing it which is. Getting rid of a baby is a very hard thing to do but maybe it's something I really need to consider.

Well first off, you need to prioritise your 2yr old's best interests. And your own.

Is it in their best interests to grow up in this situation, where you're doing everything and your boyfriend is draining you emotionally? What do you have left after your head is filled with his needs? Is he the role model you want for your child? Is this the kind of relationship you want them to replicate in future?

You can clearly manage on your own, as he's bringing nothing to the party. If it's guilt or feeling he needs you keeping you with him, you have to remember that he's an adult and if you're enabling him, you're not actually helping him.

Oh lovely it's not selfish to want more from life.

He's a grown man, he shouldn't be expecting you to care for his difficulties he should be finding ways to support himself and work on improving his mental health. You're not his mum and you're not supposed to be his carer.

Please consider yourself and your child.

Yeah he needs medication - his health anxiety is not a good reason to ruin his life, and he’s taking down yours and your existing child’s too.

I know it seems harsh, but having a baby with him will not help him or you. You’re going to have to make a hard decision here to take care of yourself and your existing child first.

Knowing that if you go ahead with the pregnancy you will be tied to him forever, with all the associated stresses his condition brings for those who love him, you need to think long and hard about whether that’s fair.

Not to mention how unfair it is on him to add a child into the mix when he’s struggling already.

Nobody terminates a pregnancy lightly, but in this instance it seems like the kindest option to everyone, future potential child included. Then you need to decide if you can live with this situation and whether it’s fair on your 2 year old to live in this environment.

Sorry you are having a hard time. It’s not your fault he is like this. I would think very carefully about keeping the pregnancy; it doesn’t sound like the right environment for a new baby. And you want to do the right thing for you and your daughter.

I'm not disputing for a second that he isn't ill? And I think quite obvious how much support I give him on a daily basis and I have never once made him feel judge however I can't simply bypass the fact that his "illness" is now having a massive impact on my life and my own mental health and unfortunately I can't afford to bottle my feelings up as I know have other priorities I have to consider. I've tried many time to have conversation with him but he just things I'm being insensitive to his anxiety and what he goes through without taking any consideration to what it's doing to me.

I think that your first loyalty is to your daughter; how will she feel when she is older; I am certain you don’t want her to look back and feel she came second always. And frankly, being with someone with mental issues who is blaming you at times for not thinking of them; well that is not a great environment for her as she gets older

You dont need this in your life, time to let him go.

My dh has severe depression and bi polar disorder. My mum had schizophrenia. My comment comes from a position of knowledge of what it’s like to live with those with severe mental illness- the only reason dh and I have done so well to be married for so long is that he seeks help for his issues and takes medication for it. In your situation things are very different. I wouldn’t want to be tied into such a relationship at such a young age with a child to think about as well. It sounds horrible but your life can be so much better without him. Do you really want to be doing this in 10/20 years?

If you were my daughter (and I am old enough to be your mother) I would advise you to end this relationship which isn't making you happy and terminate the pregnancy so you can make a total clean break from him.

Marchez. My comments are based on the OPs post.

“He doesn't support me or even bother to ask if I'm okay, and it's getting to the point where I can feel myself wanted to spend less time with him as I just can't deal with it anymore it's too much. He's issues effect him leaving the house without breaking down he spends all day every day freaking out and it all lands on me to reassure him for hours on end”

He sounds like a useless, pathetic, boyfriend who is not suited to being a father. Why should the OP at her young age with a vulnerable young child in tow get dragged down by this man who is incapable of looking after himself let alone a family.