My partner suffers from severe anxiety can't cope.

[livvvv]

Hello guys my partner suffers from severe anxiety, health anxiety panic attack and depression. I honeslty just don't feel like I can cope with it any longer. I understand he's the one who is struggle but being a carer for someone with mental issues is so mentally draining. Especially when it's a one way street. He doesn't support me or even bother to ask if I'm okay, and it's getting to the point where I can feel myself wanted to spend less time with him as I just can't deal with it anymore it's too much. He's issues effect him leaving the house without breaking down he spends all day every day freaking out and it all lands on me to reassure him for hours on end, or relationship isn't a relationship. I can feel my mood changing so much not to mention the added pressure of finding out I'm pregnant. Am I being selfish for feeling like this anyone got any advice or tips on what to do how to cope.

I completely understand what everyone saying and a lot of myself does agree it's a lot and you know a lot people will read this thread and think I should support him etc but there's only so much I can do. I'm only 21 and I also have a little boy that also needs all my attention, all these questions are definitely ones I have asked myself. Unfortunately I have had an abortion I also how much it effect making that choice the first time round but yeah I do need consider what circumstances I am in and the person I am with and I don't want my child growing up around that sort of thing it's not fair them or me to have to deal with all either

Honestly right now your priority is your little boy. It's in my opinion not fair to bring another baby into the equation when dealing with this. You won't be able to give them all enough time.

I would end the relationship and terminate the baby. Concentrate on what you have.

He's not bad person by any stretch it's just I need more for my life. I wish he could get better but his life has been on a loop for 7 years and without medication I honestly don't see his life changing or getting anywhere. He physically won't take it. He needs serious help, I'm not sleeping I'm up stupid hours in the morning while he has panic attack convinced his going to have a cardiac arrest to the point where he's going to hospital all the time when essentially nothing wrong. I just don't know what he can do at this point and I'm completely out of options and patience.

I don’t think you can have a long-term relationship with someone who you feel sorry for. I also think that he’s become too reliant on you, and that won’t help him to take the steps needed to get better.

You're going to end up resenting him and angry. Better split before you hate him.

Totally understandable OP. You have only so much to give and you should not spend your efforts on someone who isn’t willing to help themselves when you have other priorities. As his issues have been going on so long it isn’t likely that he will change and become the partner that you need and deserve.

It’s not clear from your posts whether you have already had the abortion or whether you were talking about a previous one. It does seem like the best choice in this scenario.

I also think you need to take some time to work on yourself and develop better judgement with regard to men and life choices. Your choice in men does not seem to be healthy and above all - arrange some bulletproof contraception so you don’t keep having unplanned pregnancies.

Good luck with everything.

You're so young to have all this going on.

Give consideration to terminating the pregnancy and separating from this man. Concentrate on making a better life for you and your 2 year old. Following down this path will likely see you in a worse position next year - all of these responsibilities plus a newborn? The impact of this on your existing child is just as important as it's impact on you, arguably more. You don't have any real ties to this man at the moment. Separating now will be far easier than separating later.

I would end it with him, terminate the pregnancy and concentrate on your little boy. You also need to keep up with your contraception, id recommend a coil if you’re prone to forgetting medication but your gp will be able to suggest more options.

Get out of this relationship, before it ends up destroying you and your own child. He may have mental health issues but he also sounds selfish and manipulative, with that comment he made to you about you not thinking about him and how hard it is for him.

I’ve suffered MH problems, my brother has schizophrenia and my sister has bipolar and narcissism. My nephew, who lives with me got into a serious relationship and later down the line was saying how difficult it was because the poor girl has bipolar, his mental health started to suffer as a result, but he couldn’t leave her because of the guilt. They were together a year and I know he loved her and I genuinely cared about her as she was such a lovely girl, but it was such a difficult way to live as she would be so volatile.

My take on it was that it was a new relationship in the scheme of things, people spend decades together, they had no children together and he lived a childhood that was massively affected by his mother’s mental health issues. I advised that he leave before he got in any deeper. They did split and he now has a good healthy friendship with her. You’re far too young to take on the burdens that come with caring for someone with a mental health problem. You have in fact, stopped being in a relationship and have become a carer.

This is not the life you should living and this is not the childhood your little boy deserves. He will threaten suicide and may even make an ‘attempt’, but that is not your fault, that is his mental health issues causing that combined with his selfishness. If he loved you, he’d want you to go as he wouldn’t want you to suffer.

I was on contraception bill so it definetly wasn't down to my lack of responsibility why I've ended up being pregnant again but I completely understand your point. I definitely agree I need time to concentrate on myself. I don't think being with some with metal issues is bad men picking on my behalf he can't help it I just think life's a learning curve and now I realise that it's just not something I personally can handle or need right now. But I appreciate everyone's opinions and Thankyou for taking the time out to respond to my thread.

OP, does he know that your pregnant. I’m concerned that he will try to manipulate and bully you into keeping the pregnancy, because he will know it will make it easier to keep you. I know I’ll get the shouts off ‘that’s so wrong, not fair, his rights, etc’, but if I were you I’d just go and have the procedure without discussing it with him. To be blunt, your born child is the most important person in this whole situation. Good luck for the future and maybe take time out to concentrate on creating a new life without a man for while.

I remember being single and 21 with no responsibilities. I admire you, managing what you are faced with each day, I know I couldn't deal with it. That said you are young and need to concentrate on your son. I can't imagine life is much fun for him?
You are not responsible for your partner, however you are responsible for your son. Do what is best for him. Good luck x

OP my comment about poor choice of men is also due to the fact that you’ve already had a baby and separated from another partner. You should definitely take this time to work on yourself and look after your son without having to babysit a grown man. You sound sensible, level headed and pragmatic so you could build a lovely life for you both and in time you may be in a position to meet someone who adds and improves your lift rather than being a parasite and bringing you down.

Listen to fairylea

Yeah he's fully aware that I'm am pregnant. However he has no thought or consideration to me keeping the baby. He wants me to have an abortion because he's not ready nor does even want to try to be ready at 25 years old. Also to the other comment I am aware it doesn't look fantastic 21 with a 2 year who's father I'm not with. But unfortunately that's life and it happens it didn't work out he's abit of twat doesn't really care to spend any time with his son but I can't change people or make them what they need to be but my son doesn't want for anything l, and I will always make sure that's how it stays. As for keeping for this baby again that something I have to figure out, I just don't feel comfortable getting rid of a life not because I'm incapable of looking that child but because my partner is somehow I just don't see how that's fair but unfortunately it is what is and I just need to move with my life because I deserve better and so does he.

You are 21. You have a 2 year old already.
Please end this.
You cannot have this as your life.
You also cannot have this person as a role model for your DS.
What will that teach him?
Please consider a termination.
You do not want the fun-sucking, emotional leech attached to your life forever more!
It's your body and your decision. No-one will judge you what ever you decide.
But do decide on a better life for you and your DS and that means this guy is not part of it!

At 21 you are so young to have so much responsibility on your shoulders. Most 21 year olds would find being a mum is enough to cope with. To have a partner with obviously severe MH issues is very hard.
Do a list split into two halves. One with your reasons for staying in the relationship. The other with reasons for leaving. Which one out weighs the other with stronger, more important reasons? If you were to stay in the relationship, would anything improve soon or is this how things are going to continue?
You may find that doing this helps you answer a few questions about how you feel and make a rational decision about the relationship and also your pregnancy.
Your priority at the moment needs to be looking after yourself so that you can be a good mum bringing your toddler up in a stable environment. How would another baby impact that? Especially if you decide to leave.

You have to tell him that he has to take his meds and treatment/self help because you can't carry on like this.

That's what DH did with me, I was a mess and if I didn't get help and take my meds I would have eventually been sectioned or hurt myself/DH. 4 years later I am doing better in all aspects of life. DH would remind me to take my meds daily, and I fought him on it many times but remained firm.

It sounds like you want to leave. I would want to leave rather than be carer/financial supporter to this man ad infinitum. Yes it is sad this he has a problem with MH but at the end of the day it is HIS problem. You are in an unhappy situation, I for one would not sentence you to being life long carer when you have your whole life ahead of you and must think of your DS.

As others have said you have a hell of a lot on your shoulders at 21 and with all this to cope with you are now having to cope with being pregnant and the decisions that go with that when the father neither able to cope with life nor wants the baby.

You are coming across as very caring and mature and whilst reading all the posts seem able to cut through the sometimes poorly expressed advice without taking on board the negativity about things you can't change or know not to be true,

I hope this thread helps you sort out your own feelings around this and helps you come to a decision that you can live with knowing that you've done your best.

My take, for what it's worth, is that you have a right to a life where you are not having to take responsibility for an adult who will not take the medication he needs. No he can't help being ill but refusing medication is just bizarre to me. I appreciate some of his fear is around taking medication but he is expecting you to be there and be supportive then he has to do his bit.

Coping with pregnancy and then 2 children will make life even harder for you. It was a contraceptive failure so not down to carelessness and I feel you can give your son and you a better life if you opt for abortion and then make moves away from your partner unless he commits to working with the professionals and taking medication.

You have a lot of life left to live, please don't waste it and then look back and realise that your young years are behind you.

He needs to be on medication but he won't even consider or even try to take them as he things he'll die and doesn't believe they work. He's way to bad just to be doing therapy as he has no coping mechanism. He has tried to kill himself before and I found him unconscious which is a horrible thing to witness, he wasn't even no where near as bad as he is now. I think he needs to put full attention into getting better and he cannot do that and be in a relationship.

Everyone's opinion have been very helpful. Sometime you need an outside opinion. You can't always make the right logical choice when emotions are involved

Sorry for your position OP you're in a tricky situation, but I think your last post sums it up. He needs to take responsibility for his health and his condition, and you need to focus on yourself and ds. It's time for you to leave.

The pregnancy is entirely up to you - you already know you'd be doing it on your own if you go ahead, it's whether you feel you can do that. You are young but you seem very level headed, I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

He sounds like he needs to be sectioned pretty quickly.
If he's tried to commit suicide and is now WORSE, the emergency care team need to step in.
If he threatens anything when you end it - anything at all - call 999!
You cannot SAVE this man.
You are too young and you are not qualified to do so.
This is going to take a whole MH team. YOU can't do it.
You have too much on already!