My partner suffers from severe anxiety can't cope.

[livvvv]

Hello guys my partner suffers from severe anxiety, health anxiety panic attack and depression. I honeslty just don't feel like I can cope with it any longer. I understand he's the one who is struggle but being a carer for someone with mental issues is so mentally draining. Especially when it's a one way street. He doesn't support me or even bother to ask if I'm okay, and it's getting to the point where I can feel myself wanted to spend less time with him as I just can't deal with it anymore it's too much. He's issues effect him leaving the house without breaking down he spends all day every day freaking out and it all lands on me to reassure him for hours on end, or relationship isn't a relationship. I can feel my mood changing so much not to mention the added pressure of finding out I'm pregnant. Am I being selfish for feeling like this anyone got any advice or tips on what to do how to cope.

OP you need to get out of the relationship for your own sake and that of your child. From your description, he's having panic attacks 24/7 and won't take medication. After a while, you're enabling someone. They come to rely on you to 'calm them down' and be there for them when really, they need to work on coping strategies for themselves. Often, when their crutch is gone, they have to work on themselves and sort out their illness.

If you don't want to split up then find somewhere else to live at least. It's not fair on you, at such a young age, with parental responsibilities, to live with someone so ill.

For example, he could take Beta Blockers as and when he has a panic attack. He could practise meditation and mindfulness, take magnesium and other vitamins, exercise, use acupuncture, have CBT etc There is a lot he can do to help himself.

Oh no. My heart really goes out to you. You are so young. I don’t know what age we become grown up and self aware but for me it was around 27. You have been put in an impossible position as a carer with neither the proper training nor experience. We all need help at times. Somehow you have to reach out to somebody else for that help.

This country runs on a mass of unpaid carers managing as best they can in the circumstances.

All I can imagine about your situation is that you want to help but with mental health you cannot.

A part of you must put yourself first.

There are no easy answers.

Lots of love.

No I definetly agree I have tried saying there needs to some boundaries but in place and you need find comfort and coping strategies within yourself but I don't get very far as he just thinks it's an excuse for me to not help or me not being supportive enough. As for beta blockers etc I really tried to push him in that direction but with him also health anxiety he constantly things he's going to have cardiac arrest or a heart attach he's always checking his heart and rhythm. It's at the point where he'll eat a lasagne and then spend next hour thinking he's allergic and then triggers a panic attack into him thinking he's going to die it's abit ridiculous but that's how his brain works.

He also doesn't live with me. From previous life lessons when I got my own place I decided that I wasn't going to let a man live with me or move until I was ready or thought it was going to go the distance but, we don't spend probably an unhealthy amount of time together or atleast I've had to for own sake cut it down due to me not coping or wanting to be around him and him not being able to leave the house.

Oh thank goodness for that, that he doesn't live with you. That makes it a lot simpler.

this pathetic excuse for a boyfriend

This is the third of fourth time in the last few days that I have seen hate speech used on this site for someone with a mental illness.

Are people in wheelchairs pathetic? People with cancer?

Bartlet, you should be ashamed.

I really wouldn't class that as hate speech. Wrong choice of words completely but people are allowed to have the own opinions and I also don't think you can compare someone having cancer to someone have mental health issues. But apologises if what he said offends you.

It's denigrating and stigmatising someone based on a disability. It's pretty much the legal definition of hate speech.

But you carry on sticking up for him.

slow handclap

Oh stop it thedancingbear. If you use the ‘hate language’ accusations then you weaken that word. My family and I have a history of mental illnesses and I think he is ill, but I also think he’s behaved towards the OP in a pathetic manner. He gives no thought whatsoever to her wellbeing and makes everything about poor him. That’s pathetic.

Fine. more apologism. knock yourself out.

No problem.

OP. You are far too young to be this man’s carer, particularly as he’s refusing all available treatment. He isn’t your responsibility. Get out and live your life.

At the end people aren't saying he's pathetic because he isn't well it's because he could be doing a hell a lot more to help me help himself and this relationship and he doesn't. Unfortunately it is all about him and even know when my mental health is being affected and I'm pregnant and have a lot of stress on my plate it's still just about him, cause to him " I feel shit because I'm pregnant hes actually got something wrong to moan about" and tbh whether that's his anxiety or not it's not good enough.

Hate speech for calling someone a pathetic excuse for a boyfriend for doing nothing to make themselves better whilst leeching emotionally of their partner and being entirely self centred and disgustingly manipulative.

A people wonder why these terms aren’t taken seriously sometimes.

Oh and I’m female.

CBT can be enough on its own without medication but he actually had to do the homework and put the effort in to it. He should not be calling ambulances/going to A&E with panic attacks still if he's in regular therapy.

Just as an update I tried to have the conversation with my other half the other night try and let him know how I've been feeling, how unhappy I am etc and as you can all imagine the conversation didn't go well. He essentially just made me feel like my feelings were unfair and I shouldn't be feeling this way nor do I do enough for him either. For me that kind of just summed up everything I needed to hear. I deserve a lot better and honestly every since I caught him having sex with my best friend in my house we've never been right since that should of been enough of an eye opener on my side. So definitely glad I've ended it.

He had sex with your best friend?!!!

I know you have already finished with him but OMG if you hadn’t I would have been shouting leave! He sounds like someone who will let you be a carer forever because it suits him (and I have mental health issues myself so I’m not ignoring those). And now you say he has cheated on you - funny how he managed to rouse himself from his illness to manage that .

Well done for leaving. You are right, you deserve SO much more than a life with him.

Yeah we'd going through some things wasn't on the best terms but was trying to work things out. Long story short had a drinks at mine with a few friends him included. All night they was both being weird tried to bypass it cause I was drunk thought it was me being paranoid. Went to bed as I'd had enough left them downstairs woke up with this weird feeling and yeah came downstairs to them having sex in my house. One of the most horrible things I've ever witnessed. I tried moving past it but honestly I don't think you can after something like probably why I feel the way I do now especially with all the added problems of his mental health issues. I'm just glad I've made the right choice for me.

Yes. You can’t move past that. You should have finished with him then. Unforgivable

So happy to hear you have seen the light OP. So you've told him it's over. What about the so called 'best friend'. My advice is ditch her too if you haven't already. What an absolutely nasty bitch to do that to you. Upwards and onwards to a brighter future.

I deserve a lot better

Yes you do Sweetheart, and I'm glad to read your update .. well done lovely

Thankyou everyone I appreciate it and it was a couple month ago when that happen and I can assure that girl does come anywhere near anymore, nor would she even dare so as far as I'm concerned I just need to focus on me and keep more genuine people in my life.

Just as an update I tried to have the conversation with my other half the other night try and let him know how I've been feeling, how unhappy I am etc and as you can all imagine the conversation didn't go well. He essentially just made me feel like my feelings were unfair and I shouldn't be feeling this way nor do I do enough for him either. For me that kind of just summed up everything I needed to hear. I deserve a lot better and honestly every since I caught him having sex with my best friend in my house we've never been right since that should of been enough of an eye opener on my side. So definitely glad I've ended it.

Sounds like this:

pathetic excuse for a boyfriend

...was pretty much spot on.