Hi all
So I was with a guy for 13 years, we had two children together but spilt the end of last year. Throughout the relationship I gave my all, he was great at times and loving but proposed twice and both times backed out due to his 'personal issues' with commitment and marriage. He would never get a joint bank account. He controlled every penny when I was out of work caring for our babies before returning to work. Even then I'd pay all childcare costs with my low income and nothing was dealt with as a couple. Towards the end, he was nasty and spoke badly towards me even in front of my kids. After 13 years of giving chance after chance I finally ended it for good.
I built myself up after he'd destroyed me mentally and emotionally, I became independent and started to enjoy being single. Then about five months ago he pleads for another chance, says he's a changed man, it'll all be different this time. I said I was happy single and just wanted to find myself, maybe go on a few dates. He basically said it's him or dating as he's not waiting around (I never asked or expected him to). Me being me gave into the pressure and said I'll give it another shot.
So four months back together, he's doing everything right and trying to make me happy, doing the things I longed for before. He's even gone as far as getting the snip because the pill has never agreed with me, no contraceptive has. He did that two months in when I said don't do it for me, you must be sure and do it for yourself. He says he doesn't want anymore kids, but also now says we know he did it for me.
No matter how hard I try though, my feings towards him are not the same as they once was. Everything is forced for me. Sometimes I'm content and think I can make it work, especially for the sake of the children and him as I don't want to hurt him. I'm not in love with him anymore though, and I wonder will I get this back. I don't know what to do for the best and how long I should give it! It's consuming me and making me miserable.