Am I a cocklodger?

[tigglewiggle]

Am I? I will try to keep it brief.

DH is in a well established and successful career and I work part time which means I can work around the children and do school pick ups etc. I am also studying for a course which I hope will help me to increase my earning potential when the children are more independent.

It came out at the weekend that DH thinks I am living off him and that he feels I have no ambition to do anything about earning more money. It really took me aback and made me question everything. I thought I was doing my bit for the family, maintaining the house and looking after the kids (he does nothing) and able to as he earns well and as childcare costs are through the roof. I reminded him that I do work and he said it wasn't anything and didnt bring much money in.

I asked him what he wanted to happen as it would be difficult for me to go full time right now. He said he doesn't want me to go full time but for me to use my imagination, buy and sell stuff online perhaps. Not sure what exactly?!

It has made me feel quite vulnerable as he obviously isn't happy with our arrangement anymore and doesn't value what I do.

If your children are under 11 I personally think working full time brings its own hassles and believe me I worked full time with young children- we were not better off than if I had worked part time, I did it partly because it was our business and I could be flexible(ish) Unless you have a very professional highly paid career you could just drop back into easily then I guarantee the extra costs involved will leave you no better off. Is he feeling a lot of pressure financially or worrying about money OP because most high earning guys would like this arrangement or is he planning on splitting up- I hate to ask this but it’s the kind of thing someone might say if thought had crossed their mind

He could well be stressed and miserable in your job and literally think you have loads of time with the DC doing nice things like meeting friends for coffee etc.

It's easy to think being a SAHP is fun/nice/easy compared to working if you've never done it.

Any man who thinks a SAHP is a walk in the park clearly has never come close to doing it, and simply could not do it if they tried. They have no idea just how relentless it is. I can so understand your hurt, particularly when you are giving your all and he doesn’t recognise it.

I think need to see the bigger picture OP and forget the money for now.

He is saying something about the relationship isn't working. That is what you need to talk about together.