I don't want my fucking hair cut!

[PhilomenaButterfly]

My aunt texted me yesterday asking if there's a hairdresser's in our Sainsbury's (no), then where the nearest one is (no idea). I think she's going to bully me into getting my hair cut. It's very short and thick, and if I have any more off it'll just stick up.

I'm autistic, so I either let her bully me into it or it'll turn into a blazing row. I'm getting really stressed out.

What do I say?

Just don’t answer anymore. You’ve answered her question and what you do with your hair is entirely none of her business.

'Ooh are you going for the chop then? I'm leaving line for the next 6 months as trying to grow it'

I think this is as complicated as you want to make it ...

What’s the backstory here? Why does your aunt have any say in your hair? I assume you’re an adult?

What on earth? Why is she trying to force you to get your hair cut? Just ignore her and if she asks again ask her why your hair is any of her business.

“Aunt, I do not want my hair cut” practice saying it in front of the mirror over & over until you’re confident saying it.

Why would there be a hairdresser in Sainsbury’s? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a supermarket with one I mainly online shop & am generally oblivious though.

If she says you should get a hair cut just say

‘No I’m right’

If she offers to pay say ‘no thank you’

If she pushes just ‘I have said no’ then change the subject. Something she would like to talk about. ‘How was your weekend?’

Yep just keep saying no, don't go anywhere with her or engage about it on the phone.

Just say ‘ no thank you, I like it how it is’ and keep repeating that.... eventually she’ll get the message - especially when you shorten that to ‘ NO THANK YOU’ said firmly.
Your autism should have no bearing on how you wear your hair, surely?
There can only be a blazing row if both of you are shouting - say your piece firmly and quietly... then it’s not a row, it’s just her shouting... let her shout! Stay strong x

She'll be coming here in the next couple of weeks. It'll be difficult to ignore her face to face.

Problem is, she lives in a different city, so I can't pretend I thought she meant for her.

I have to pick DS up, but I'll read more replies later. Thanks.

Maybe she's just asking for herself, or trying to be thoughtful and might wish to treat you in which case the answer is a simple no thank you.

Why does she think you need it cutting?

Do you have a partner for moral support?
Don't be bullied. Preempt her, go to a hairdresser and make friends with them, explain the situation and agree a plan for when you turn up.

This is bonkers.

How can she force you to cut your own hair?
Will she drag you there kicking and screaming?

Just don't book an appointment.

I take it this has happened before? I'm so confused as to why she has a say in your hair?

You could ask her why she wants to know about hairdressers. Then if she says “So you can have a haircut, I’ll pay” or whatever you can text back VERY CLEARLY

“Aunt, I don’t want my hair cut, thank you. I’m happy as it is.”

And repeat repeat repeat to any persuasion or argument - just the same phrase over and over. Tbh, as you’re autistic you’ve an advantage in not having to give a fuck about being blunt on this one!

For the avoidance of doubt, your aunt would be totally out of line to push you on this. Your hair, your head, your business.

If you need to have a blazing row, feel completely justified in doing so.

I am NT and would absolutely have a row with anyone who tried to dictate my appearance.

Op do you have any other family that you could have around when your aunt is visiting?. Maybe it would help to have someone have your back and tell her a firm No on your behalf.

You’re going to have to be strong with this one. Keep telling her ‘I don’t want to get my hair cut, thank you’ until you are blue in the face. You don’t have to justify it.

I hate having my hair cut, as I can’t stand being touched, so I go once a year when it is absolutely necessary. I fully empathise!

“My hair is fine as it is, thank you.”

Followed by a curt, single “no” if she keeps pushing.

You are your own person, a strong person, who does not have to have their hair cut if they don't want to.

Just say, "No, I'm fine thank you. I like my hair as it is and I don't want to change it." Then change the subject.

"It's my body and it's my choice what I do with it." Would be my next response if she asks again.

If she asks again, firmly say no.

Is she going to be staying with you?

Does she often bulldoze you into doing things you don't want to do?

What you need to do is establish boundaries before the visit, and free yourself of the obligation to be polite if your boundaries are crossed.

Thus text her something like "Dear Aunt, I do not want a haircut. I appreciate that you think you are helping, but I won't be going to the hairdresser with you. I don't expect this subject to be brought up again."

If she's supposed to be staying and characteristically bullies you into things you don't want, you can always call off the visit.

If she's staying elsewhere, you can cut off the time you spend with her - if she starts on, one warning that she's bein pushy, and then off you toddle home without her.

You are an adult and have a child, surely you can handle this?

Have you a mate or partner to practise saying no to your aunt with?

Never mind 'I don't want';

'I'm NOT having my hair cut'.

Repeat whenever the subject of the hairdresser comes up.

She can’t force you to have your hair cut! If she presses the point just say I have said I’m not having it cut because it will stick up and it’s me who has to deal with it not you.

What?