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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why would my ex partner from 17 years ago block me on Facebook?

76 replies

Heidi3333 · 18/11/2019 14:02

Not that I'm bothered I'm just curious as to why he would do this...

We were together for 4 years when we were in our 20's (I'm now 44 and still single), lived together for most of that time. He was a sh!t to me though and would often turn off his phone and disappear on benders, was a serial womaniser and I caught him cheating on me twice - the second time I up and left but he didn't want me to leave; he moved the other girl in the next day and now they are married with 3 kids. We split up 17 years ago and I cut all contact with him shortly afterwards as I was really angry with
Him. It took him a long time to come to terms with as he continued to contact me for 18 months afterwards and finally gave up when I sent him a strongly worded email.

I've remained single for the most part since. I sometimes look at exes profiles on Facebook out of curiosity and boredom, including his and his wife's. I have no intention of ever contacting them and will go to my
grave having never contacting him again. However, I suspect he also checks my profile out as well. A few years ago I changed my profile picture to one showing I was 6 moths pregnant (used a sperm donor). After no contact for 15 years he sent me a message a few weeks after this picture was put up. I ignored him. A few weeks ago I couldn't find him on FB but when I checked from my mums page I found him no bother - he'd obviously blocked me!! Then a few days ago the same thing happened on his wife's page - she's blocked me too!

Now I'm not upset by any of this. I find it quite laughable. But why would he do this? I haven't contacted him for 17 years and have no intention of ever doing so!

Any opinions please?

Thanks x

OP posts:

PlausibleSuit · 18/11/2019 15:10

I sometimes look at exes profiles on Facebook out of curiosity and boredom, including his and his wife's.

Maybe this is a habit to look at breaking, eh? Not very healthy, really. You just end up living in the past, with could've-beens and might've-beens.

Look at it this way; your curiosity about this concerns a bad relationship that's been over for more than four times as long as it existed in the first place. It just isn't worth your time or attention.

Timetobegood · 18/11/2019 15:13

You’ve come up on people you may know and they don’t like it.

TheElfFellOffTheShelf · 18/11/2019 15:20

I look up people I've known in the past, incl. ex-boyfriends, as well as those I vaguely know now and have a bit of a nosey, mainly just to see what they're doing now on if they're happy. I block them straight afterwards though so I don't pop up on their "people you may know" list. Perhaps that's what has happened here? Maybe he (or she) accidentally liked an old photo of post of yours and didn't want you to know? Either way, they've done you a favour because being unable to look them up you're now forced to properly move on from the past.

Bluntness100 · 18/11/2019 15:26

As people said, you're coming up on their people you may know list, so they know you're looking stalking them.

It really is the most obvious reason op.

And no, most people might check now and again, like every few years, but they don't do as you're doing,

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 18/11/2019 15:38

Hmmm as far as I know there is no way to tell who looks at your profile. I've done this on and off for years, so why block me now? And I usually go on a nosing spree with lots of the same people all at the same time and none of them have blocked me! He's blocked me in the past then unblocked me.

I suppose with him I'm just curious to see if he's still married after the horrible way he treated me ie whether his wife is still putting up with him! But I'm over him. I never want to see or hear from him again. I don't feel upset when I think about him, I'm just indifferent.

I dunno. It's just weird.

OP posts:

category12 · 18/11/2019 15:39

Doesn't everyone do this?

Um, no. On a monthly basis? Definitely not.

12345kbm · 18/11/2019 15:40

To give you some perspective. I had a relationship with someone in my twenties for a few years. That was in the 90s. I looked at their profile once on Linkedin when I joined. That was five years ago.

TheStuffedPenguin · 18/11/2019 15:52

What did his message say ?

WorryBadger · 18/11/2019 16:00

I'm just curious to see if he's still married and yet I'm over him

Just leave it alone, he is none of your concern. Who cares what he does and why?

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 18/11/2019 16:00

My mum still often looks up her ex boyfriend from 50 years ago and his now wife on FB and she's been happily married for 45 years! She has had no contact with him for 5 decades. I dont really think it's weird. Maybe it's a genetic trait lol

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 18/11/2019 16:01

The guess is that the leopard hasn't changed spots and there's been a trust issue (as the wife has also blocked you). Could be a blanket blocking of all exes she knows of, could be just you as she has seen he messaged you and she doesn't trust him an inch even if message was neutral.

Presume she remembers you well as he cheated on you with her!

Not important is it though.

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 18/11/2019 16:03

The stuffedpenguin - his message was asking me if I had any pictures of a mutual friend we used to hang around with we were together as this friend was now unwell. He had used the same picture excuse in the past to make contact with me.

OP posts:

CatEyeliner · 18/11/2019 16:06

You might think people don’t find out who’s viewing your profile, but often Facebook throws up suggested friends and you could be ending up in his version of list because you’ve been viewing.

I am NOT stalking the guy!! I look up lots of people from my past on FB, ex boyfriends and ex friends included. Doesn't everyone do this

No?

HUZZAH212 · 18/11/2019 16:07

It sounds like you want to 'win' by him splitting with his wife and leading a life of presumed misery. Then you can say 'ha! he got his comeuppance!'. The truth is you already 'won', you dumped his cheating arse 17yrs ago. Maybe his relationship with the woman he cheated on you with (and married) is still going great, maybe it's terrible? Who knows? But the point is that it's nothing to do with you and won't change fuck all.

Soontobe60 · 18/11/2019 16:10

OP, you’re the one that’s a bit strange! If you’ve never been FB friends why on earth would you be at all concerned about him ‘blocking’ you???
Stop stalking him and his wife. It’s not normal.

Mum4Fergus · 18/11/2019 16:51

Because he's an adult and he chose to?

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 18/11/2019 17:10

Thanks for the replies.

This isn't something that's eating me up or something I'm obsessing over. It's just been at the back of my mind for a while and was just wondering what people thought.

OP posts:

purplecorkheart · 18/11/2019 17:18

If you are visiting their profiles once a month I wonder did you come up on their suggest a friend on facebook and they decided to block you. To be honest once a month seems very odd and your Mom checking her ex and his wife from decades ago seem bizzare.

Bluntness100 · 18/11/2019 17:26

Op honestly it's not normal to check in an ex from nearly two decades ago, monthly, to check on your mums computer and then to ask on here trying to guess his motives for blocking you.

Sounds like he was also young when he was with uou, it didn't work out and he's been with his wife for nearly two decades. They have three kids. To keep checking to see if they have split up is not the actions of someone over him. It does seem obsessional.

And he on,y asked you for a pic of a mutual friend, it's hardly get your knickers off of I love you stuff. To ignore him shows you're still hurting.

If you didn't care, you'd not look, you'd not have ignored the message, you'd politely have responded. It sounds like you're fantasising he still wants you.

As said, I think they have both done you a favour here. Try hard not to use your mums computer to continue to check on him and his wife. It's not healthy and it's not right.

Bluntness100 · 18/11/2019 17:32

Also just to finish you will continue to come up on their suggested friends list, prominently, so they have more than likely guessed you're constantly watching their lives on Facebook, hence why they have blocked you.

I'm sorry it's the most likely explanation. 😔

readitandwept · 18/11/2019 17:54

You ignored him last time he messaged, so that's a good enough reason to block you. And as others have said, you're probably showing up on his People You May Know.

the second time I up and left but he didn't want me to leave; he moved the other girl in the next day and now they are married with 3 kids. We split up 17 years ago and I cut all contact with him shortly afterwards as I was really angry with
Him. It took him a long time to come to terms with as he continued to contact me for 18 months afterwards and finally gave up when I sent him a strongly worded email.

I do think you're over invested in his relationship and how he behaved many, many years ago. He's done the right thing by everyone.

Windmillwhirl · 18/11/2019 18:50

I don'tont know why people are saying what's normal abd what isn't. I have no idea who my friends look up. Although I'm pretty sure most would not disclose looking up an ex of asked. I'm not on social media by choice but if people are on it and it's not private then look away if you want. I suppose the question is why are you looking, op and what feelings do you still harbour for this man, seeing as you have remained pretty much single since separating from him.

Heartburn888 · 18/11/2019 20:47

You might of accidentally liked a profile pic or a post and him or his wife has seen it?

Or maybe his wife has caught him cheating and made him block all of his exes on social media?

Just a few suggestions

QueenCoconut · 18/11/2019 21:23

Hi OP
I think you are being judged too harshly.
I look up my exes on Facebook from time to time and I certainly don’t have any feelings for them. Nor am I obsessed.
If that was the case I would also need to have strong emotional feelings towards old colleagues, teachers, friends of friends and so on.
My friends and family openly admit to looking up other people too, perhaps mumsnet is different ?

Anyway, Have you ever looked at any of their Facebook stories? This would show them you looked at their profile, I think?

Could a mutual acquaintance mention to him or her that you regularly look them up?

LonginesPrime · 18/11/2019 21:28

He's probably been caught cheating again and his wife has made him block all his old flames.

I wouldn't overthink it.

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