Ideas for dealing with pushy sil

[Hairwizard]

So. I have an overbearing and pushy sil. Shes a nurse (relevant i think) and seems to think she knows better.
Really starting to be a problem for me in that im finding it hard not to say anything cos i will end up just being really fucking rude and thats not me.
Its mostly over my dcs, ds6, dd18mth dts 4mth old. I feel like im being interrogated every time she comes round. Constantly going on about if they are full of wind, spitting up, are they chesty? Who was it was chesty before?
(Twins were for good while wheezy and chesty/snuffly which was combo of viral stuff and milk intolerance as theyve had scaly flaky skin on forehead and scalp. Clearing up now with diff milk and special cream. They also both at diff occasions in the hosp for couple nights due to viral things so very worrying and stressful for me)
Anytime any of them get coughs shes on and on about did they get honey and have they said anything else you can give??
Then last night i had mentioned in a text that my other sil sister who is a homeopath sent over cream for their skin as id asked her for recommendations. She had wrote on it what it contained and to patch test first, which i obvs done. So far its working.
She replied to my text saying 'thats very good of her but find out whats in it' bla bla..
My response to that was 'i know whats in it cos she wrote on tin'
She hasnt text since lol. But im really fucked off. Thinking next time she starts up to say to her that i already have a hv (who is fucking fab btw, but no she 'doesnt think much of her') and i will direct any concerns to her as thats what shes there for. Any body else any suggestions for shutting her down without being overtly bitchy about it??

I think she’s right to find out what’s in the homeopathic cream, it could be nettles and lead.

The rest, just answer with a question. I’ve seen my own pushy SIL do it and it works wonders.

I would cut the amount of contact you have with her. Yes she might be trying to help but she is too overpowering and you are the child's mother. Do you have to see her so often ?

Obvs i would have asked about the cream had she not listed the ingredients for me. Plus its a preparation she made herself.

No i cant cut it anymore than i have, had to tell her to stop calling in the evenings as wasnt suitable time for the weans. On more than one occasion. Like seriously, she should have known better than to be landing round at tea time. Even mil knows not to do that.
I find now am putting them in car and going for a drive in late afternoons to avoid her calling round.

@evilmorty thats a great idea but i usually end up thinking of a good shut down etc after shes gone and i dont feel stressed.

She sounds over bearing but I would much prefer to take medical advice from a registered nurse then to trust anything from a homeopath with no medical credentials.

You could ‘jokingly’ remind her that she’s you sil, not your hv.

Before you jump in all angry and confrontational how about starting with a calm conversation where you explain that whilst you appreciate her knowledge that it makes you uncomfortable when she gives you unsolicited advice. And you would rather she didn't.

Give her a chance to mend her ways before you jump down her throat in anger.

Does he wheeze?
You sound a bit wheezy, you feeling ok?

How’s he sleeping?
Better than me, you look tired are you sleeping ok?

Have you been to the docs about his cough?
How are things in your drs, getting an appt is so difficult, where would you recommend

It throws them

DPs mum tried this with me. When she emailed demanding I get my DC vaccinated (he was 6!) I responded telling her I'd been parenting alone for years prior to meeting her son and didn't need the input from her, thanks. Never heard another word. Why are you worried about being rude? Gets the job done sometimes.

Yes thats my intention to remind her i already have a hv for these things.

Its not just me she does this with, its all her family. Esp her parents, fuck if any of my lot ever treat me/talk to me the way she does they will get short shrift!
She micro manages everyone. Its beyond reasonable. And they all shrug it off as 'thats what shes like'.

@evilmorty great suggestions thanks!

Can you tip some arsenic in her tea? (joking!!) (mostly!!)

@reginafelangee

No. Unfortunately that doesnt work with her. You need to be direct/blunt. She thinks nothing of being 'direct' to the rest of us.

Eg. After dts pregnancy announced she told dp that he had to stop!!

Had the fucking cheek to ask me was it planned. And said we were 'crazy' for having any more.

So no. Had it with being polite/swallowing her fucking shite.

Has she got DC?

If so "you parented your way, it's out turn now"

Ideally get DH to have a word as well...

No shes single and no children. Right man doesnt exist for her lol.

Oh wow so much easier then,

"Who made you the expert in being a parent?"

Although really I would get DH to tell her to back off.

Stop telling her stuff. If you hadn't mentioned the cream she couldn't annoy you with her reply. MIL is lovely but full of opinions so we just don't tell about things we don't want her advice on.

Does she have her own family/çhildren ?

Don’t feed her with information. Surely you knew the homeopathic cream was going to provoke a reaction?

@cowfacemonkey she was asking her usual round of 'any coughs/colds?' 'What about their skin?' Etc. Most stuff in texts i ignore like those but she said she was going to ask about cream next time she was in working. Step too far for me.

I should clarify that the cream is not the issue. Shes known sil sis for years and shes very good at what she does. Theyve all asked her for stuff over the years. Her asking gp was not in response to me telling her i had got cream. I told her in response to her saying she was going to ask gp.

She sounds like a massive PITA. She sounds very bossy and controlling
to everyone.

Makes me think she must be lonely
and not have much going on in her own life.

The comments made about your twins and were they planned sound like jealousy maybe.... Could you try saying something like what is going on with you then? Any
love interests? Anything new? We always l my talk about us and the kids must be so
boring for you?

Or if she is just really rude and
interfering I have found that just saying back straight away how their response makes you feel usually puts a stop to it.

For e.g My MIL made some comments about me that we’re supposes to be a joke and i said that makes me really hurt and that you think i don’t know what i’m doing.

Totally is. Has to know everything going on.

How come she knows so much about you and what cream you are using and what is going on with your kids?

I would stop replying to her texts. You have the perfect excuse of being busy for god's sake.

Keep her at arm's length.