Ideas for dealing with pushy sil

[Hairwizard]

So. I have an overbearing and pushy sil. Shes a nurse (relevant i think) and seems to think she knows better.
Really starting to be a problem for me in that im finding it hard not to say anything cos i will end up just being really fucking rude and thats not me.
Its mostly over my dcs, ds6, dd18mth dts 4mth old. I feel like im being interrogated every time she comes round. Constantly going on about if they are full of wind, spitting up, are they chesty? Who was it was chesty before?
(Twins were for good while wheezy and chesty/snuffly which was combo of viral stuff and milk intolerance as theyve had scaly flaky skin on forehead and scalp. Clearing up now with diff milk and special cream. They also both at diff occasions in the hosp for couple nights due to viral things so very worrying and stressful for me)
Anytime any of them get coughs shes on and on about did they get honey and have they said anything else you can give??
Then last night i had mentioned in a text that my other sil sister who is a homeopath sent over cream for their skin as id asked her for recommendations. She had wrote on it what it contained and to patch test first, which i obvs done. So far its working.
She replied to my text saying 'thats very good of her but find out whats in it' bla bla..
My response to that was 'i know whats in it cos she wrote on tin'
She hasnt text since lol. But im really fucked off. Thinking next time she starts up to say to her that i already have a hv (who is fucking fab btw, but no she 'doesnt think much of her') and i will direct any concerns to her as thats what shes there for. Any body else any suggestions for shutting her down without being overtly bitchy about it??

I do usually ignore bits of texts or whole texts when i think shes being too nosey asking too many questions. Easy to do cos busy anyway.

Anyone who comes round should be rolling in their sleeves and helping. With four kids, three under 2, they should be helping, even if it’s just making you a cup of tea!

Rolling up not in!

I've been on both sides of this I've cut off
My sil (hubby side) as she's nosy unbearable and controlling and my brothers wife has cut our family out because they are jagovah witness and we are not.
We hurt they hurt I wish there was a way of coming together but sometimes there's not and you have to find a way that suits your family as not everyone has your back.

I meant jagovah

No I didn't because it's changed it again
JEHOVAH

Ive no shortage of offers to help. And no issues needing them watched. I just find it comes at a price so i do everything myself when i can. I only take any help when im really in need. Which isnt very often.

My bil is like this and is also an A&E professional but that’s because he has seen kids with ‘sniffles’ or ‘a cold’ die of sepsis or leukemia because their parents haven’t contacted proper medical professionals. There were also idiots who tried to treat very poorly babies who were later diagnosed with pneumonia with homeopathic remedies.

So from my perspective her worries and advice about your DC are understandable and come from a good place. I wouldn’t block her advice if the only other option is your homeopath sister!

@grumpy
No she is not my only other option. Im not that fucking stupid as to ignore medical advice. Did you miss the part where i mentioned in my op they had been to hospital?? I took them in as being their mum i know when they arent right. Fgs everyone getting hung up on a bit of fucking cream. Thats not what my post was about. On that note. Nothing wrong in using complementary therapies etc in addition to medical advice etc.

Any sniffles?- no all good thanks. What you up to?

Any pain?- nope doing well. What you up to?

Any coughs?- no all clear. What you doing this weekend?

Exactly what @aussiebean said.

Don’t give her anything concrete to go on and ask her questions to give her something to focus on.

I thought giving honey to babies under 12 months was a no no. Tell her she has got her advice wrong!

@ghost no sorry that should have read for older dc. The babies dont get that.

Def going to try answering with a question next time. After i tell her i already have a hv. Soo fighting the urge to tell her to fucking do one.

She sounds like a know it all pain. I had a SIL like this but she wasn't even an actual nurse just pretended to be (describes herself as a nurse when she is a carer)

With these people I'm afraid they will go on and on until you are firm with them snap at them

@oldraver yip. A client of mine who works with her knows full well what shes like. She doesnt let her do it with her, so she will push with people who dont dare to say anything.

I agree that you are being too nice, however, I would not get confrontational. You are not ignoring well enough that's all. You just need to blank her better. You are giving her mixed messages.

You want her to stop offering medical advice yet you tell her about some homeopathic cream. No. Stop the verbal/text diarrhea. Don't tell her. If she's prone to giving medical advice then if you offer up medical info she's going to think you want her advice. Mixed messages. Shot foot. Don't do it.

You want her to stop being into everything in your life, you clearly dislike her. Yet you are messaging her loads. Stop! Just stop. Especially as you obviously have a problem with oversharing. Let DH text her. She's his sister. As a general rule, don't get into a messaging habit with people you dislike who are a pita.

I find now am putting them in car and going for a drive in late afternoons to avoid her calling round.
You told her not to come round already. Don't let her in. "It's not a good time SIL. Call first next time."

Be way way more strict with yourself. You can shut it all down yourself in no time at all.

I only usually text her as a reply to hers. I try to avoid telling her too much. As for the cream, shes into natural/ complimentary remedies/therapies herself and knows sil sis well.
Yes she was told clearly that evening visits really dont suit after several times of her being round and getting in my way. Shes finally got that message thank god!
I dont ask her for advice. You really have no idea how it is. I could sit all night telling you. She has always been like this its just recently after the twins its got harder to ignore and not say anything.

You aren’t meant to give honey to under one year olds because there is a botulism risk. But I’m not surprised she’s asking what the ingredients are in a homemade ‘homeopathic’ cream, I’d say she’s pretty much professionally obliged to!

Just saw a t shirt on internet. It says
Thanks,
you don't need to repeat that. I ignored you well enough the first time

I dont ask her for advice. You really have no idea how it is. I could sit all night telling you.

Tell us then. I don’t really see how someone so annoying knows so much about your kids’ medical needs. My SILs (one is a nurse) know very little about mine-only what I tell them!

How do the conversations start?

Im well aware of the risks of giving babies honey.
Conversations start with her asking about them. And if they are in their bouncers and start fussing she will make a move to lift whoever is fussing. Without asking. Ive stopped this recently. Usually by saying theyve just had a feed and so to leave them be.
Last time she was here she was going on about dt1 being full of wind and cos he was crying and unsettled asking me was he always like that, was it always after feeds etc etc. 'I thought he was more settled on the other milk' 'does tw2 get like that?' Managed to not answer as was winding other one and talking to him instead of her.
Then came out with 'i must get a wee charm for him if hes colicky.
Hes not and not for her to be going asking for charms anyway.

In the past she has let herself and re arranged our cupboards after we moved in and unpacked. Dp got short shrift for that one.
Then again when she let herself in to clean while we were away. After i had cleaned before we left.
She booked christening venue and started making plans for it without even speaking to us first. Again dp got it in the ear and was swiftly changed.
Twins were 6 weeks early and so were in the nicu for the first couple of weeks. As such no visitors other than parents/gps and siblings. She seemed to think it shouldnt apply to her as she works in the hospital!! The staff were great. had no issue telling her no she cant!
Dp has his own business and staff working for him. He stupidly let her do the cleaning for him. Shes proper ocd. She has told staff that she has final say there and if their cleaning isnt to her standards then cheerio. I know this because she told me. And in next breath that she loves telling them that to see their face. All cos shes obsessed with how the cleaning is done.

And while it might not seem that much from post above re the babies, its everytime shes rouund shes going on about something. If they have a cough she goes on and on. My hv doesnt even ask so much and shes really on the ball with this stuff.

She needs the reset button pressing!

Ha you’re In NI aren’t you? Is she an older sister? Sounds classic bossy older sister to me. Add in being a nurse and no kids/Husband of her own and it’s a legal combo. Deflect deflect deflect. And tell you husband to tell her to back off. Or your MIL!