Husband won't have snip but moans I won't sleep with him

[Novemberrain77]

We have 5 children 2 are mine from previous and the other 3 are ours together. I had my youngest when I was 40 I am now 42. I am.unable to go on pill and dr said if I get sterilised maybe difficult lifting my toddler and my husband will have take some days off work to help if possible. My husband said he can't take time off but for years refuses to have snip. I have given birth to 5 kids. He saw me suffer a miscarriage. My last birth wasnt the best as I didn't stop bleeding. I thought he may think to himself it's his turn. He keeps moaning that we don't have sex. I'm terrified of falling pregnant. He told few months ago several times he doesn't fancy me because how can he find me attractive if we don't have sex. He won't wear condoms as says passion killer. This and his temper over the years has damaged our relationship ( see previous post) . My 15 year old son said " mum I think you are in abusive relationship" my husband can't see it. I checked his texts when it got so bad to see what his take was on us. He told friends I push the wrong buttons. His friends actually told him he will lose his family if he doesn't sort it out. I feel stuck

He sounds like a selfish abusive arsehole. His friends can see it. Even your DS can see it. What will make you see it?

Selfish bastard.
My ex H gave me the ultimatum of being sterilised or getting divorced. I had the op, and 6 months later the bastard left anyway.
I'd give anything for another baby with my now DP, but without a hell of a lot of medical intervention, it isn't going to happen.

You deserve so much better. Five kids and coping with school, different needs over those age ranges? Listen to me. You are amazing. Your strong. You deserve so, so much better. He isn't your 6th kid. He needs to step up and hes telling you he doesn't want to.

Find out everything you need to know too leave. He is passive in your life and chooses that. So take charge. You know you can, your a strong woman.

Go to a councillor, talk through all you have said, you need to leave the relationship for your and your children's sake. Don't leave the house, quietly get your finances and legal in order then take control and explain you cannot continue to be abused like this.

Your son can see it, you need to

This is besides the point OP. If he got it, you shouldn't sleep with him anyway because you shouldn't be in the relationship.

Your 15 year old knows it's abusive.

Your DH won't say it's abusive because that requires accepting he's 100% to blame. That's never going to happen (unless he's crying and begging you to give him another chance..which if you do will mean he's very temporarily on his best behaviour).

You are stuck.

You're asking us the wrong question.

Start a new thread asking how to get out of this relationship.

I have not demanded at anytime he has the snip. I'm saying it just shows his selfishness. He is moaning about lack of sex life but not leaving us with many options.

Oh my god icanflyhigh that is awful

Yes legoandloldolls he is like a 6 th child I say that alotbto the kids but not to him of course

No Krista Allen I'm not sleeping with him I'm telling everyone because it shows its not right and am I right in thinking this.

Yes I am putting money by . We are all just letting him get on with it. He said there is no connection anymore and he will stay until sorted but keep out of my way. Then Saturday he went upstairs with beers and laid on bed watching TV while I was running aboutm I said " if you are still.herr then you still need to do something" . . On the Sunday me and kids cooked and he just laid on recliner watching westerns. Eat his dinner and left dirty plates on table as always.

Like I said I never ever once demand he had snip. I suggested it because my options are not good.

Please get legal advice and put plans in place to split up.

Parttimers yes I said that my mates hubby had it done and went straight back to work. I know alot of mum's that refused sex until they had it done so they had it done . My husband is 54 so it's not like he wants more kids even if we don't work out

If he doesn't want the snip then that's an entirely valid choice, just like you have bodily autonomy.

I can also understand how a relationship can be less intimate without sex

However both of those points fade to insignificance because he doesn't treat you with respect, refuses other reasonable contraception (on the off chance anyone would find a disrespectful man attractive) and even your child has concerns about this relationship.

The first two points are only really worth spending time on in a happy and healthy relationship. This isn't one of those relationships from what you've said you need to be considering your options.

No I know I'm just saying how can expect it when he isn't thinking of the consequences. It's just added to the whole mess. He just wants to eat, shower have sex and sleep. He doesbt think about all the things I haveto sort it out. We have kids aged 1,6,7,12 and nearly 15.

Your 15 year old son has said you're in an abusive relationship and you can't see it?

OP by letting this man stay in your life you are damaging your kids. This is far more than him refusing to have the snip. Please get legal adice as to how best to get rid of him for you and your children's sake.

advice!

He doesn’t want the V because he is preparing his next move on a potentially younger woman. He will reduce his chances significantly if he had the snip as anyone younger hoping for a family would automatically discard him and I am not convinced his charming personality will suffice....
He is treating you appallingly. Get out as soon as you can, see a solicitor. Good luck OP.

I can see it that's why I am on here . Thank you all.

Yes little wing I thought that too. I am quite a bit younger than him I ws 42 , yesterday. Why he would go on to have more kids God knows but if he won't protect himself. Which he should for other reasons the same as why he won't out my name on house because it's too final

Sorry to read this. I was done 27 years ago. Took a day off work, it hurt less than treading on a toddlers lego brick.

However reading your posts I think him having/not having the snip is only part of your problem.

Hope it all resolves itself soon and peacefully.

He just wants to eat, shower have sex and sleep. He doesbt think about all the things I haveto sort it out. We have kids aged 1,6,7,12 and nearly 15.
He sounds awful OP.
Please listen to your child and use MN for the support and advice you need to put yourself first.

Thank you. Yes it is just part of the problem I'm just showing the bigger picture. Not once have I demanded or forced him. He has been ok about me possibly begetting sterilised . I had a small umbilical hernia opp after having fourth baby and all he did was moan about how he could be at the gym and work . I was so badly bruised for along time . Days after he went to the races and when I spoke to him I was in pain and told him as I couldn't rest and get better quickly and he just said that in ruining his day on purpose and that no other wives were doing this to his mates. I said well they haven't got as many kids as us and just had op. Strange

What is MN? X

Oh mum's net sorry just worked it out lol