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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Engagement...

68 replies

SadSam13 · 14/11/2019 21:21

So, we’ve been engaged around 18 months now.

I was literally the happiest I’ve ever been, but it only lasted a matter of weeks as I found out he’d been looking at an ex daily on Facebook. That’s a whole other cab of worms though, so please don’t focus on that.

The last 18 months have been a battle and a half, I’ve wanted to walk time after time.

My partner has become ungrateful, his two children are just as selfish and wrapped up in themselves.

I thought I loved my parter. I kept giving and giving, hoping it would change. I kept saying I wasn’t a doormat.

I want kids, he already had two. Again, a whole other can of worms. So please, no comments on that.

Despite all of this, I give it my all. I deal with the selfish ungrateful behaviour. I have regular little breakdowns where I just quit. I can’t hack it. I’m only human.

His ex is a living nightmare. An actual pathological liar. That’s a whole other case full of cans of worms.

However last night I found out my partner asked me to marry him literally 100 yards from where he asked his ex to marry him!!

I’m absolutely heart broken, totally devastated. After everything, I just feel like what little shred of happiness I had tucked away in my heart, he just basically took a big dump all over it.

He says I’m ridiculous, that I’m upset over nothing.

How could he do that though!? Our whole relationship I’ve wanted to be different. I didn’t want to be a carbon copy. Just another.

Am I ridiculous to be so upset? I feel so empty and lost.

Why couldn’t he have just made it special and specific to us? Why couldn’t he have thought about what things mean to me?

He could have proposed anywhere in the world, we travel six or seven times a year.... so why 100 yards, the next street over from where he asked her??

OP posts:
bluejelly · 14/11/2019 21:23

So sorry to hear. I wouldn't care about the proposal spot. 18 months of battling with your fiancé sounds grim though. Really grim Sad

ivykaty44 · 14/11/2019 21:24

Hi think you’re not seeing the woods for the trees

Needbettername · 14/11/2019 21:25

What an odd post. Are you literally happy? You don't sound it. If you are hoping it changes befo4w you have even got married there isn't much hope.

SadSamuel · 14/11/2019 21:26

I’m only posting because I’m genuinely so upset that he asked me to marry him in literally the same place he asked his ex and I’m absolutely devastated and apparently I’m ridiculous 😢

Winterdaysarehere · 14/11/2019 21:27

Surely he is an ex by now?

Linzi2377 · 14/11/2019 21:29

Far too much cans of worms! I agree there’s not much hope..especially if you can’t trust him now(looking at ex’s page) ..been there..trust me..don’t settle xx

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/11/2019 21:29

You sound worn down and the proposal spot is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. You should still be loved up and happy OP and if you are not in an equal and loving relationship at this point you should look carefully at whether you really want to marry

JoJoSM2 · 14/11/2019 21:34

Hi think you’re not seeing the woods for the trees

Basically.

SadSamuel · 14/11/2019 21:35

I don’t get the whole wood for the trees reference if I’m totally honest...

I’m just asking if others think I’m ridiculous for being upset he asked me 100 yards from where he asked his ex?

PlinkPlink · 14/11/2019 21:38

That is one whole lot of worms trapped in cans before you've even begun a marriage together.

That really isn't the best start to what should be a monumentall happy life event for you both.

You don't actually sound happy.

I think, rather than putting the needs of others first, you need to start thinking about yourself. It's not selfish. Everyone is entitled to be happy. And you are certainly entitled to start a marriage without such huge burdens on your shoulders.

SirGawain · 14/11/2019 22:01

However last night I found out my partner asked me to marry him literally 100 yards from where he asked his ex to marry him!!
I think that this is the least of your problems.

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 14/11/2019 22:06

Welcome to mumsnet OP

Rainbowshine · 14/11/2019 22:09

So he’s having regular contact with an ex, is ungrateful, dismisses your needs and feelings, and you are continually battling in this relationship. The proposal is not the issue, it’s the way he treats you full stop. I’d end the relationship and definitely not get married. He won’t change just because of a change in your marital status.

KurriKawari · 14/11/2019 22:09

Why are you posting on the same thread with two usernames?

Do you love him?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
Does he make you happy?
Does he show care/kindness towards you?
Do you realise you deserve better?

Thestrangestthing · 14/11/2019 22:11

You are being ridiculous for staying with him

nomoreclue · 14/11/2019 22:12

Blimey. A relationship shouldn’t be this hard! Why are you with this guy???

Rainbowshine · 14/11/2019 22:13

@KurriKawari I think the OP has had a name change fail

KellyHall · 14/11/2019 22:15

You have a toxic relationship that will destroy you.

He obviously had it in his mind that the place is the perfect place to propose. Some men do think about things like that.

However, that is a non-issue compared to all of the other horrible crap that is part of your "relationship".

Get out now, before it breaks you.

Choice4567 · 14/11/2019 22:18

Name change fail.

Wood for the trees means you’ve picked a very small thing to be upset about when there’s clearly a whole load of bigger problems to worry about

Yes the proposal would bother me. But not nearly as much as all the other stuff

Ilovethekitties · 14/11/2019 22:19

OP I dont understand why you are with this person.

Stalks his ex, selfish, might not want more children, thoughtless proposal...

You're being a doormat my lovely - you need to get some self esteem and ask yourself why he deserves someone like you? He certainly doesn't sound like he has to do anything for your love other than breathe. Dont you want someone who tries? Romances you? Thinks about you?

readitandwept · 14/11/2019 22:22

I’m just asking if others think I’m ridiculous for being upset he asked me 100 yards from where he asked his ex?

If that's all you're asking, then, yes, you are.

kenandbarbie · 14/11/2019 22:32

That on its own wouldn't bother me. All the other stuff would though. It doesn't sound like you're suited or want the same things.

Luckingfovely · 14/11/2019 22:43

Basically, he's a absolute twat, and please do run away from this ridiculous situation, right about now!

(You know, or stay, and let him make you feel this shit for the rest of your life. Your choice).

RLEOM · 14/11/2019 22:45

Would you perhaps class yourself as a rebound? Is he stalking the mother of his children?

I feel so sorry for you, I really do. He's a pig for proposing on practically the same spot as his ex.

peachgreen · 14/11/2019 22:46

You are definitely ridiculous for being with this man, yes.