Engagement...

[SadSam13]

So, we’ve been engaged around 18 months now.

I was literally the happiest I’ve ever been, but it only lasted a matter of weeks as I found out he’d been looking at an ex daily on Facebook. That’s a whole other cab of worms though, so please don’t focus on that.

The last 18 months have been a battle and a half, I’ve wanted to walk time after time.

My partner has become ungrateful, his two children are just as selfish and wrapped up in themselves.

I thought I loved my parter. I kept giving and giving, hoping it would change. I kept saying I wasn’t a doormat.

I want kids, he already had two. Again, a whole other can of worms. So please, no comments on that.

Despite all of this, I give it my all. I deal with the selfish ungrateful behaviour. I have regular little breakdowns where I just quit. I can’t hack it. I’m only human.

His ex is a living nightmare. An actual pathological liar. That’s a whole other case full of cans of worms.

However last night I found out my partner asked me to marry him literally 100 yards from where he asked his ex to marry him!!

I’m absolutely heart broken, totally devastated. After everything, I just feel like what little shred of happiness I had tucked away in my heart, he just basically took a big dump all over it.

He says I’m ridiculous, that I’m upset over nothing.

How could he do that though!? Our whole relationship I’ve wanted to be different. I didn’t want to be a carbon copy. Just another.

Am I ridiculous to be so upset? I feel so empty and lost.

Why couldn’t he have just made it special and specific to us? Why couldn’t he have thought about what things mean to me?

He could have proposed anywhere in the world, we travel six or seven times a year.... so why 100 yards, the next street over from where he asked her??

I can see 8 red flags in your post - and the place who chose to propose is one ---- but it is the smallest one.

Why do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated like shit? Do you hate yourself?

If you're going to be devastated about anything, be devastated about throwing your future away by tying yourself to this bozo.

If it's a different road, it's a different road. Not like it's the same place.

But there are so many cans of worms! Sounds like it's hard work xxx

We can't comment on the big stuff but you want advice on the tiniest thing? Dude, you're not happy, get out of there. You're accepting the big deal breakers and focusing on the petty.
As an aside, one of friends took his second wife on honeymoon to the same place he took his first wife. We were a bit at that, but the second wife knew and didn't care because she'd always wanted to go there anyway.

Firstly you can’t post all these factors and not ignore the fact if he chartered a plane to Paris and the proposed at the top of the Effie Tower you shouldn’t get married.

That said the 100 yards depends . The other side of the same park maybe , a different restaurant irrelevant .

I think you have far bigger problems than where he proposed

Why would you even want to marry someone that makes you so unhappy?

Like PPs , I wouldn't give a shit about the proposal spot but I understand why you are upset about it. It likely just illuminates how undervalued(?) and unhappy you are in this relationship.
You need your head examined if you marry this guy given the relationship (and the baggage with it!) has been making you miserable and for 18 months. Marriage will make things worse.

You're miserable and he's disrespectful and ungrateful.

The lack of imagination with the proposal is just more evidence of how much of a shit he doesn't give.

It's just the latest in a long line of crap behaviour and you deserve better.

I'd say you've more to worry about than his proposal faux pas....

This relationship is ridiculous.

Why couldn’t he have just made it special and specific to us? Why couldn’t he have thought about what things mean to me?

This is the least of your problems and is just a distraction from the real issue that your bf is waste of space but you’ve chosen to keeping banging your head against a brick wall.

Out of all the issues you've mentioned, I think the proposal spot is the one I would be least bothered about. I can understand though if it just feels like the last straw, you're battling with all these other things and then there is ONE thing that makes you snap.
I hope you're OK.

Thanks ladies.

I already know all of the other issues and cans of worms are dreadful and reason enough to pack up and walk away.

However, right at this moment my heart is broken over the proposal and I’m absolutely devastated.

I’m being told I’m ridiculous For being upset by him, perhaps that’s all I should have put in the post, so that the other stuff didn’t distract from the advice I was looking for.

The proposal on its own wouldn't particularly bother me, unless it was a very 'traditional' spot or a carbon copy of how he proposed to his ex.

However, you can't throw all those cans of worms into your OP and expect people not to comment.

Regardless of whether it's ridiculous he should be trying to make you feel better, not belittling you. Run, don't walk, and please don't marry him.

Selfish thoughtless man who is hung up on his ex makes selfish thoughtless proposal similar to the one he make to his ex. And this disappointed you because you thought selfish thoughtless man who is hung up on his ex would not be selfish thoughtless man etc etc? Despite ALL the evidence to the contrary you thought he'd do something loving just for you?

Personally I'm surprised he didn't do it with the same ring!!

Despite all of this, I give it my all
Why?
Why do you think this all you deserve?
What did you learn about relationships growing up to think any of this is acceptable?
He just sounds like a complete waste of space.
What does he bring to your life?
Happiness? Contentment? Does he love and cherish you? Does he appreciate you? Do you feel adored?

Ohhh..... right - none of those things.
SO WHY STAY????
Get away and do it fast!
You could have a wonderful life.
You get one shot at this.
Do not waste it and do NOT settle.
Get out there. Enjoy life.
Do some work on yourself. Counselling will help you unravel why you are putting up with this shite!!!
Your life should never ever ever revolve around 'a man'
You can be upset as much as you like.
Those are YOUR feelings and they are totally valid!
Do not let anyone minimise YOUR feelings.
He's a fucking asshole.
The sooner you realise this and get out, the better!

I think you have a lot of negative feelings already about your relationship and so the engagement location is now magnified. How was it 100yds apart? Same park different bench or same road different restaurant?

(The fact you disagree on having children is more of a concern)

Why the hell are you focusing on the bloody proposal instead of the shitty relationship? It’s not going to get better if you marry this twerp.

So what do you want to do about it @SadSam13?

You seem to be waiting for something different to happen or for him to change.

Have you heard the quote that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen.

He won’t change, marriage won’t magically make him into the man you want him to be.

And why would he change? You keep giving and giving, he hasn’t changed. If you give more, why do you think he’ll change then?

You need to really consider the relationship over. The proposal is possibly the most tangible thing you’ve identified as you’ve been living in a fog he’s created where your feelings and needs are less important than his. That’s not a foundation for love, for partnership, for marriage. Run away from him please.

Oh COME ON. You tell us not to comment on stuff which is all clearly wrapped up in the whole big mess. You're only saying "please don't comment on that" because you KNOW it's shit and we'd all tell you so.

A loving relationship should not be so much hard. Could it be not so much about where he proposed as the fact that you though if he proposed you'd feel happier about your relationship together? Why would you? Look at him. Really look at him. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who already makes you feel so unhappy?

I’m just asking if others think I’m ridiculous for being upset he asked me 100 yards from where he asked his ex?

Yes you are ridiculous to be upset that he proposed 100 yards from where he proposed to his ex, because you clearly are not upset by all the other crap in your relationship

How old are you? Being upset about something relatively minor, and letting all that other stuff go is frankly insane.

The last 18 months have been a battle and a half, I’ve wanted to walk time after time.

My partner has become ungrateful, his two children are just as selfish and wrapped up in themselves.

I thought I loved my parter. I kept giving and giving, hoping it would change. I kept saying I wasn’t a doormat.

I want kids, he already had two. Again, a whole other can of worms. So please, no comments on that.

Despite all of this, I give it my all. I deal with the selfish ungrateful behaviour. I have regular little breakdowns where I just quit. I can’t hack it. I’m only human.

OP forget the engagement. You have much bigger issues here. A ring & a proposal wherever it may have taken place will not solve your problems. Seems like you was clinging onto this somewhat small piece of happiness to block out the shit storm that has/ had happening right now & in the past. We can't help you until you decide to help yourself I'm afraid. I really do pity women like you that allow yourself to be treated like this. You can't make him behave, you can't force yourself to be happy with the situation. You won't leave him & regain your self respect or you wouldn't have posted here regarding the 'proposal' any woman with any ounce of self respect would not be receiving a ring from a partner whilst giving off the downbeat vibes you have given in your post here. You aren't even in a good place as regards to your relationship, you sound very sad & down trodden so how the hell this 'proposal' has come about ???

Really OP? Aren't you worth more than this ?

Are you ridiculous to be upset about the place he asked you to marry him?

Yes.

There is so much wrong with this relationship that I don't know where to start

Get rid of him today

OP I wash my hands of people like yourself & you are beyond help I'm afraid. I don't mean that in a nasty way, I mean it in a way such as you have all this other stuff going off but yet you are still entertaining the idea of marriage. His poor kids ( all be it treating you poorly too by the sounds of it ) will be looking up to the both of you as role models, what chance will they have of knowing what is a healthy relationship is when this is what environment they are growing up in? & If you was my friend in real life I would be making a hasty exit in your life when I was expected to engage / be a support network for you discussing stuff such as this 😔