Thoughtful or selfish

[blazingbags]

Maybe I am being sensitive but every gift I have ever received from my boyfriend has been one that he can also enjoy ie a night away in a hotel,a concert, dinner in a posh joint.
Every gift I have ever bought him has been individual and personal to him.
When I jokingly asked him if this is why he bought those gifts for me( so he could enjoy them too) he laughed and said of course it is, isnt that what everybody does?
For me, it is not the reason why people bought their partners specific gifts.
Am I being too sensitive ?

I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. He clearly doesn't put any thought or concern when choosing a "gift" for you. He's very good at choosing gifts for himself, however. What a selfish twat.

He is that.

Thanks. Does anyone else have an opinion on this please?

Next year get him a spa day for 2.

The only opinion that matters is yours. It doesn't seem that you're very happy or feel valued by him. If that's true, it's doubtful that will change because he certainly won't. If he is inherently selfish now, he will be for life. Move on and find a relationship that gives you what you need.

That is a worry. He is inherently selfish but also terribly lovely.
Not much thought goes into my gifts and they are either good offers or ones that benefit him.He then behaves like he is the best partner in the world when really I know that the main reason for the hotel stay or dinner out is because it is an city or restaurant that he really likes.
He knows that I dream of certain places and cities yet he never agrees to go there.

I don't necessarily think it's selfish. Unless you've told him you don't want gifts like that & he carries on.

I would love them. We're all different!

I dislike stuff (and have nowhere to put it) so I prefer the sort of gifts your partner is arranging, mine has bought me a weekend away for my birthday, I’m really excited about going away together. But, you don’t, so he shouldn’t be doing it if you have told him you would prefer a physical gift over an experience gift.

I think it's selfish of him. These aren't really gifts for you are they? They're gifts for him. You just the 'pleasure' of accompanying him as your 'gift'. So actually he gets a nice present for himself but calls it your present.

I used to have friend who did this. She used to take me for spa weekends or weekend breaks as my birthday present or Christmas present. Much as it was kind of her, it wasn't really. These were places she wanted to go and this way she got me to go with her (as I didn't have the money at the time to go to these places). In the end I put a stop to it when she wanted to take me on another mini-break (as MY Christmas present) and I asked if I could take my boyfriend instead of her. .

I do enjoy the gifts and perhaps I sound ungrateful but they are always activities that HEloves in places HE loves. Never where I have expressed a wish to go to or who to see live
He organises the venues etc

I'd prefer experience gifts than material things. I dont think he is selfish if you haven't told me your preference.

But I have told him my preference

Definitely suggest a spa day next time for both of you , make sure it includes waxing as one of the treatments.

So why are you with him? He's a thoughtless individual who gets gifts for
Himself

How old are you OP?

I enjoy these gifts which is why I feel guilty. Sometimes I wish he would gift me a trip to a concert that I loved or a city that I've always wanted to see.we go to destinations that he loves and restaurants that he enjoys

25

So just return the deed.
Do for him where you want to go.

Nothing like giving someone their own medicine ... book/buy what you'd like for Christmas for him

He is inherently selfish but also terribly lovely.

No, no he really isn't. This is who he is. You're young, don't settle for this. You've told him you don't like it and he still does it. Fuck playing mind games by giving him a taste of his own medicine or tit for tat.

And no, you do not have to be grateful for thoughtlessness and selfishness.

Is he picking the gift thinking "this is an amazing band, she will love it." Or "I want to go see that band, it's her birthday soon that will do for that."

If he is not selfish in other ways I would coach him into better gifts. If it is a small part of a bigger picture i would reconsider relationship.

Tell him a back, sack and crack wax would make him irresistible....
Then fall asleep...

I believe that he is thinking that a night away/ concert would be nice to
Go to because he loves the band/ city/restaurant and knows that I will appreciate and enjoy a night away with him .and he has to get me a gift ..

No, blazing, he's not thinking at all. He's doing the easiest option that suits him. To think, to be thoughtful, you consider the recipient first and foremost and what they might like, particularly if they've told you they don't like these 'gifts' that aren't.

Here's an example. I visited a friend last week. I hate Marmite, but she loves it. So as a thank you I got her a personalised jar of Marmite and some Marmite treats. Because a gift is not for me.

I don't particularly care for tech. But I wouldn't buy my H, say, the LeCreuset kettle I fancy even though we both like tea because I know he prefers tech and it's a gift for him.

What?!?! I really don’t see how it’s selfish. Stop being ungrateful!