Thought I would give a quick update on the thread I started back at the end of October as I got a lot of very helpful responses. Hope people can remember it.
Somethings happened which made my mind up that I should stop the maintenance as soon as possible. Basically, I received a text from my Son’s mum’s boyfriend who is the guy who’s on a methadone treatment plan. It was a very long text from my ex’s phone. It was basically telling me how misbehaved my son is & how it is my job to discipline him & how he should show his mother more respect as you only get one mum & her love is unconditional. This all started as my son had gone to his mum's house to go Trick or Treating with his friends. He went back to his mums after a couple of hours & it appeared that no one was in so he got a lift back to mine. His mum then phoned me up saying that she was in & called my son a liar so they started bickering with each other on the phone. I ended up ending the conversation & said that the main thing is that my Son is now safe & it isn't achieving anything by arguing on the phone.
So I woke up the next morning to the text. He was intimating that if I do not sort my child out, he will more than likely end up in an abusive relationship with domestic violence. He also said that he will eventually lie & manipulate me as he does his mother & for some reason, he is acting like he doesn’t want to be there. I found this all very upsetting to be honest & I found it very frustrating that he at no point could see that just maybe my son is reacting to his surroundings. Plus, the bit where he said that he is acting like he doesn’t want to be there & that’s because he doesn’t. I know that my son can be a handful at his mum’s & I will never condone bad behavior, but he is as good as gold for me. He has seen his mother lie to him, sell his PS4 games, move a guy in who everyone is saying is on Heroin & crack cocaine. His cat was killed by this guy’s dog & my ex lied about it to him for 2 weeks. She smokes cannabis in front of him then complains that she has no money. She never takes him any where & rarely buys him any clothes. My Son is bound to be feeling very upset & pushed out & that is going to come out in his behavior. I have spoken to school who said that he is a very good, kind & caring student. Anyway, after this text I simply replied with “I shall organize mediation & contact my solicitor”. My ex immediately phoned up begging me not to contact mediation & she would do anything. She also accused me of wanting to take her child away from her & that I am loving all of this. I simply ignored her & said that maybe just maybe she should look at her part in this instead of blaming me as all I am doing is looking out for my son & keeping him safe.
After this I was feeling very shaken up & I contacted Family lives who said I should go for full custody as all of this sounds very upsetting & unhealthy for my son. She also said that she can tell that I am doing this for my son’s welfare & nothing else which I found comforting. I had some more advise from someone who has been in a similar situation who advised me to write up a Parental plan & get my ex to sign it. I did this last week & said that I was only allowing evening visits for my son at her house while this guy is living there & I was also going to stop the payment of utility bills as I needed that money to provide for my son as he is now staying with me 7 nights. I had also contacted Child maintenance service who emailed me with a lovely email confirming that child maintenance should be paid to me & not by me & I should also look into claiming child benefit for the upkeep of my son. I had a meeting with a teacher at my Son’s school who I explained the situation to & that I was now the main contact. I have also been advised to change my son’s GP.
I posted the Parental Plan, the notice that I shall be stopping all maintenance, details of all the utility accounts & the email from Child Maintenance Service. I spoke to my ex yesterday as she had cancelled seeing my son in favor of helping her boyfriend’s family. This type of stuff further upsets my Son, but he said he was glad in a way because he didn’t want to go there. She cancelled on him last week as she said she had nothing in for him which further worried me more. I have still been having reports that drug dealers are visiting the house so it is clear where all the money must be going. My ex pleaded with me yesterday not to take her to court & I said that isn’t going to happen. I just need to keep my son safe & it is better for him to be with me. She said she does understand this & she is not going to resist as she knows he is safe & provided for with me.
Last Sunday my son had an accident & needed stitches in his leg. I phoned his mum to tell her & the first thing she said was “you’re not going to tell the hospital that he isn’t living with me are you”. We were in A & E for 7 hours & she couldn’t come to see him & her excuse was that it was because me & her had been arguing which we hadn’t. We had been discussing things on the phone & I would have gladly picked her up & took her to see him. My Son is noticing all of this & it saddens him. She was more concerned a few weeks ago when her boyfriend was having an op than more about her own son. My son mentioned this to me & it must be so upsetting for a 12 year old.
It is all really sad to be honest & I get a feeling that this guy is taking advantage of my ex’s vulnerability but there’s not much I can do about it. It is a very unhealthy relationship between both of them but she must feel wanted & loved by this guy & cannot see that he is trying to control her. It appears that they are downsizing from a 3 bed to a 2 bed & I fear that this is going to further isolate my ex. Last week I heard that there was arguing & shouting from the house & he was calling her stupid. Just more reason why I need to keep my son away. She promised my son his pocket money that she used to give him & said that she had transferred it to my bank but it never arrived which I didn't think it would. So more indication that she is struggling for money & more lie's to my son & let downs.
I have already treated my Son to a new wardrobe & I shall be doing this each month with the money that I was giving my ex that wasn’t going on my son. I am going to claim child benefit & use this for my son’s school meals & a bit of spending money after school.
Sorry for the rant but I thought I would give an update as everything appears to be going in the right direction. Thank you for all your help, its massively appreciated.