Fiancé and drinks with female friend

[Katiesol1]

I’ve been with fiancé 8 years, engaged a few months. We live a couple of hours away from both our families, but previously when we lived near families he had a job where he had a small group of friends that he never saw outside of work. Since leaving that job and us relocating he has met up with this group of 3 other people (two girls one guy) a couple of times a year (he’s known them now 4 years).

Last night we came back to see family this weekend and due to problems with my car, we car-shared and he dropped me at my family’s place. I had prearranged to see friends so did this and he planned to them drive to his family but due to floods he changed his mind and stayed at mine. He declined coming out with me and my girl friends and instead messaged that group to see if anyone was free to meet for a drink. One one girl in the group was so he met her. He’s never met her 1:1 before. By his own admission she is attractive and single.
I just feel weird about it. I can’t explain why. It just feels weird that they met up 1:1 on an evening to have drinks.
Am I being unreasonable?

In the same situation would you have called a guy up and suggested meeting for a beer alone with him?

I guess he didn’t just privately message her, he messaged the group and only she was free. It’s hard to imagine what I would do in that scenario.

Unless there's a back story/drip feed to this I can't see anything wrong with this in the slightest.

No backstory, or drip feed. Thank you sometimes I just find it hard to know

He hasn't done anything wrong but I can see why you don't like it, you're only human! But you can't really say anything.

No I haven’t said anything, just internally felt weird about it

The very fact he went for a drink with this girl with your full knowledge, without hiding anything suggests to me that he feels very secure in your relationship and your trust for one another. Don’t overthink it and spoil things. I’m sure there’s no need to be worried about anything.

If only one person replied, he couldn't really cancel even if he wanted to.

But I wouldn't be thrilled either in your position.

It sounds to me like man didn't want to tag onto his fiancé's socialising with her friends so went for a drink with one of his instead.
It's a total non issue.

Honestly can’t see any issue. He asked if anyone was free cos he wanted to see his friends. One was, so he went. Fully transparent with you about it.

Is there a reason this has bothered you? A backstory?

So he messaged a group. Only a woman replied. And he's supposed to say no I can meet you cos you're female?

Hmm. Your spidey senses are telling you that he has crossed a line.
Be vigilant.

Nothing wrong with this whatsoever imo. Bit odd that your mind immediately went to thinking there was something off with this.

Nothing wrong with what he did

There's also nothing wrong with your feelings about it

Move on

Yes, YABU.

He asked the group, on the offchance if anyone was free for a drink, and one of them was so the two of them met for a drink.
I can't see any issue with this. You are being weird.

I'd probably feel the same but he hasn't done anything wrong. And really, there's only 1 other man and 2 women so the chances were higher he'd be alone with a woman. It's not like he could turn round and say "oh actually, *dave needs to be here too else I can't come"

Not an issue really but don't hold back (because of him) from meeting your male friend(s) for a drink.

I can’t see that he did anything wrong here. She’s his friend, they met for a drink. Why do you think you feel weird about it? Do you have male friends yourself?

OP, you have some fairly medieval ideas about male/female friendship. Do you actually think that any unaccompanied man and woman will up one another’s clothes off at the first opportunity? What on Earth would you make of my male friend and I regularly going on holiday together, and neither of our spouses hauling out the chastity belt beforehand?

Nothing weird about meeting work friends for a drink, as long as they are truly just friends. I wouldn’t think twice about it. I’ve been married to my dh for a decade.

why is he telling you he thinks she is attractive OP, what context did that even come up in?

Whether its iffy or not entirely depends on his own private thoughts and intentions really doesn't it, nobody here knows those. On the surface of it no it isn't a crime but ultimately they wouldn't have either of them gone if the idea didn't appeal and it is a bit of a new dynamic to socialising in a group. I can see why you'd feel unsettled by it.

I honestly can’t see a problem with this

So he messaged a group. Only a woman replied. And he's supposed to say no I can('t) meet you cos you're female

Exactly
Do you want to be married to a Mike Pence?

Do you want a fiance who doesn't trust himself to be alone with another woman?

There's nothing wrong with this situation at all.

I wouldn't like it. I would expect it was never repeated.

Life experience has driven the "coolness" right out of me.

My DH was always accused of having affairs with female work mate because he got on better with them.
I never felt threatened by these friendships as he was always open and honest and included me.
I became good friends with them as well.
If he has given you no cause for alarm, don’t give it any thought.