Called the police on DP

[Fightingmycorner2019]

Have been accessing some help and one person asked me why I never called the police on his shouting
So tonight it kicked off , and I left the house and called non emergency line
They were very nice actually
Now nervously waiting for the door to knock
It’s a busy city and I know they have a lot to deal with
But it’s going to kick off , maybe
Anyway just sharing
I can just about take him shouting at me but it’s been at my 11 year old , who was too scared to come home from school
Anyway - sorry had to say it somewhere

I feel sorry for my children too
All Has calmed Down and we have a plan
I am Booking a 1 way ticket today before the end of the year

Although it’s later than I wanted it was begged of me by him and the kids

So I now have some time to get childcare sorted and start teaching the kids
Some independence . It’s hard as whilst he could be vile he was lovely to them too and they are too little Too understand abuse . But I am clear some bad patterns are in place already which need reversing

I have also ordered a parenting book
As my Parenting is screwed , in
Part to stress and anger and in part by being too soft to counteract him

I am scared . BUT I read read my diary entries yesterday going years back and this had to happen

I am going to jot
Down my fears as curious if anyone else has them before the leap !

Things breaking (boiler and car)
Me having an accident of some type
Me getting cancer
The kids having an accident , leaving the door open and we get burgled
The kids hate me
The kids get mugged
The kids go off the rails
That I have to take time off work and get selected for redundancy
That I have no social life and lose my friends
That I burn out with exhaustion
That I can’t get my elder ones MH back on track

Thanks 😊

And thanks nettle and 12345kbm

You are right how can I expect
My kids
To respect me if y’all
Speak of Myself so negatively

💐💐💐here's to you OP. Been there. Walked on those eggshells. It does get so much better. Well done. You have been wonderful 💐💐💐

Your kids are getting older, they've been exposed to this presumably throughout their lives. Despite children begging for one last Christmas, in my view you should have taken control and safeguarded your children. As you said he ruined last xmas yet you are going to allow him to stay for this one, once that's over, it will be some other reason.
All of the things you listed on your fears sheet are perfectly understandable but you will overcome each of them if they arise. What benefit is you DP going to be if those things happen whilst he is still here? Woman up and protect your children as soon as possible.

I have every intention of booking him a ticket , it’s happening today and am also looking into ways to get his stuff out of the Country

It’s over . He knows that and I am waiting in a DVA worker to advise me what I do if he refuses to leave on the stated date

Frankly speaking - 12345kbm the tone of your posts when you don’t know and me don’t know the plans I have have is pretty offensive

I am scared shitless but it’s all
Being planned . I was stupidly using this post to vent , just because I am scared
Doesn’t mean I’m not doing it

And if you are able to get the DVA worker to return my many calls , please do so

I can’t fucking get him out of the house without
Communicating that I am doing it can I !!!

There’s no manual , no guide on this . I can’t get through to any of the support networks

And yes there is a risk as you baldly stated
But after 18 years of no physical violence I have to use my instinct and trust he realises it’s over and that actually he might just be happier away

Ticket is now booked
He has been told and has confirmed he will leave on that date
Children know and we are getting them ready for change and being more independent
And if and when anyone from the DVA call me I will get their guidance for a safety plan
Also am researching counselling for children to start as soon as it feasibly can
Police said to call 999 is anything escalated which I hope it won’t

Not sure what else I can do here other than the above.

Please don’t hurl more insults at me . Feeling very vulnerable and that ranting was just
Me venting NOT providing a list of reasons not to end it . I’ve done it

OP well done.

But be very very careful now.
People who feel that they have nothing to lose are often the ones who can be the most dangerous.

I sadly know that

I just need to talk to DVA worker and get her advice as she is totally linked into everything

But she has gone awol

Don’t entirely depend on her OP, learn to trust your own gut feeling as well. If a situation does not feel safe to you, don’t wait until you meet her again and wait for advice but take immediate action. Go to a safe place, call the police. Be on your guard, don’t want to scare you but mske sure you stay safe and your DC too!

Noted
Don’t get me wrong i am drawn like
A moth to every single story of this nature . I know the stats and that whilst he is miserable and accepting I know that could change
I’m just pray that sense and love for his kids comes first

Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247

I cannot believe you think your kids are too young to understand abuse

That’s the most shocking thing I’ve read in a long time

Your poor, poor children.

You know what ? Fuck off

I have reported the abuse , called
Police attended freedom programme and booked a 1 way flight for them to leave

I have done what I should have done , and should have done earlier probably

But you elect to pick on one sentence ? Fuck you

Keep going OP. Ignore the haters. You’re doing this. Good for you. Get him gone

Well done OP. You have pushed through your fear. Keep safe.

I am trying but it’s not Going that well , and he has been getting some terrible advice and thinks he has rights that I know he doesn’t as have practically got a
Law degree now !!!
Have a lawyers appt but still haven’t
Spoken to the DVA and it’s bloody Thursday now

I am well aware that now is THE time That he is desperate and angry and could do
Something bad

You know I always knew it would be brutal and ugly and would fuck us all up

But I have started and must finish

Him being so obstructive means I am going to spend a fortune (saved for kids ) because he has been ill advised

Fuck me
Sideways

1. You need to make a safety plan with the domestic abuse organisation. I linked to how to do that earlier. You need to go through it with someone though. He knows you're making plans to leave so you can't stuff the cat back into the bag. That's why a safety plan is so important. Check to see if there are other DV agencies in your area or call Women's Aid to do that as this is important.

1. You can get free legal advice from Rights of Women. You may be able to get legal aid but I can't give you specific advice on that wihtout knowing more details. There may be pro bono help you can get. Try the CABx for more details on that.

1. Be prepared to flee. Have all docs ready, know where to go, have money to get a cab etc This is all part of the safety plan.

1. If he threatens suicide or if you feel threatened, call 999.

1. You may be able to get an Occupation Order to get him out of the house. The DV organisaiton will know about that, the police can also make a referral via the NCDV. www.ncdv.org.uk/

PMed you, Fighting. Hope you're ok x

OP, you are doing fantastically. Keep going.

Thanks tictac x