I need advice on the most awful situation which has just hit & nearly ruined mine & my childrens whole life. I was going to change my name but i just feel i don't want to.
On Tuesday i found out dp had been lieing to me, we have been together 6 years & have 2 wonderful children, i thought throughout our relationship we had both been honest & open, well i have it now comes to light dp has not
Over the past few months i have noticed we don't seem to have much money, also we had svaed money in a barclays account to pay for our new sofa which is due to arrive next week, we have a cash card to get this money out but it went missing, dp said he did not have it, i could not find it anywhere, i asked dp to order a new one so he did, anyway after about 1 week the new one went missing too so i thought i was honestly going mad, dp swore he did not have it & i could have sworn i had put it in a draw.
Anyway last weekend we sold our car cause we need to buy 2 cars as dp changed his job & had no transport in his new job. We sold the car & had the cash in envelopes all spread out for a family car, a car for dp & some left over money.
On Tuesday i went to the money & found that £460 was missing from dp's car money, i phoned him straight up & this is when the bombshell was dropped.
He said he was sorry & that for the past 12 months he had been on cocaine, i had no idea he said he had got into debt where he had been "ticking it" from the dealers & that they now wanted there money I had no idea this was happening, he was doing it in the day time at work then coming home & sleeping also because he could not do it in front of me he would drink & drink at weekends i had no idea of this either as we had been living at my mums for 9 months, he used to go by the back door where he used to smoke but he was downing small bottles of vodka.
He has lied to me on so many occassions all the way through the 12 months, i am destroyed inside, i honestly thought he would never ever do this to me, i trusted him & i think this is why he has got away with it for so long.
He has a past with drugs from about 10 years ago he was an addict but got through it & moved on with life, i was not with him then but when i met him i new he had a colourful past, i just honestly believed he would not go back there
He siad when we went on holiday last year to the isle of wight with my sister & her husband my sisters husband offered him a "line" of coke on the beach when they were having a drink & night fishing, he said he done it because of the situation he was in but ever since that night his body has craved it & this is why he got hooked again
I feel so let down by him the most but also my sisters husband who new his past & also knows he has an addictive personality, it also comes to light when we moved out of my mothers to where we are now, my brother & herself found loads of empty vodka bottles in her outhouse but decided not to tell me, my brother also new for the 12 months he was on it but not to the extent he was on it he helped him get it sometimes though.
I feel like someone should have told me, i could have supported him & been there for him but they all let me down.
I sent him away to his parents house on wednesday night but i cried, had panic attacks was sick because i can't live without him but i also feel i can't live with him because he has betrayed my trust, lied to me & broken my heart. Also this night i put ds (4.11) to bed & he said to me daddy has gone far away he is not allowed to go far away & he cried himself to sleep, he was truly devasted & i could not deal with his pain or mine.
I also blame myself a bit for this because i have had PND since dd was born & been probably very hard to live with
Please help me what would your advice be? my life is a mess