Feel like I’m having complete piss taken out of me

[Mugginshere19]

Just left work for maternity leave last week and my dp is just getting on my last nerve. Seems to think my maternity leave is a time to fill my day up doing odd jobs for him, cleaning the house, picking up after him and expecting a hot tea on the table after I’ve picked him up after work. I get up to take him (sometimes can be a 6am start) I take his kids to school on the days we have them and I just feel like he’s taking the piss.

He will come home and do absolutely fuck all. Won’t even move the dinner plates from the table after we have eaten and I’m getting sick of it. Came downstairs the other day after I had been having a lie down as my back was in bits and he had piled up the bows and plates him and his kids had been suing next to the sink, had been rooting around in the dryer and left the clothes half in and half out. Absolutely infuriated me. Can’t even wash the oven trays and put them back in the oven he leaves them covering the sink and that is the biggest pet hate of mine, as no one else can use the sink without finishing the job he started!

His child has been rather unwell and had a poo accident, my partner put his shorts in the shower, without removing the non slip bath Mat and rinsed the shit off but left shit all up and down the bath! I said why have you done this and not cleaned it properly ? He said well you’re at home -!!!!! Not here to pick up after everyone!! Is anyone else’s dp like this? The way I feel at the minute is like going on strike. Let him make the tea, clean up after tea and then do any other bits that need doing!

Feel like I’m massively being taken for granted and I don’t need the stress this far on and it’s going to be an explosive argument if I have to speak to him about pitching in and also about cleaning the toilet after he’s made a right old mess of it! Some people really like to live in squalor - I’m not one of them and I find it highly embarrassing when people use my bathroom and there’s dirty stains down the back!!

Rant over

You've always known he's a lazy slob, surely. Did you think he would change?

The toilet thing alone is disgusting. He sounds like a lazy entitled prick.

Is this just since ou started ML? In which case you need to nip this in the b ud right now. Partly because it's ridiculous that he can't lift a finger. And partly because when you have an newborn you're not going to have time or energy to do ALL the housework too.

This is who he is. Has he promised change in the past?

Do you know what, he has been a bit lazy prior to now but usually will wash up or finish a job when he starts it but since I’ve been on maternity leave it’s like I have gained the title ‘maid’. We would make tea together and clean up together, everything is left up to me now and I could use his help more than ever!

It’s possible you’ve found one of the reasons he split from his other kids mother.

Your maternity leave before the baby is for resting and preparing for the new arrival not being house slave. You have to nip this in the bud or it will get worse when the baby comes.

Wow that is quite CFery I think. I've been on mat leave for a couple of weeks and my partner works nights. I do make his breakfast when he comes home in the morning, do general housework and do dinner before he leaves in the evening again. However you shouldn't have to be doing all the running around after his kids and can't believe he actually expected you to clean up shit. I don't know about you but I'm pretty tired most days and sometimes need a nap. Tell him you need more rest, if he doesn't listen just stop doing the extra jobs and he will have to pick them up.

I would be tempted to walk out for a bit. Can you visit your mum or see a more distant friend?

Go on strike.

Is he always this disrespectful of you?

Also he sounds utterly disgusting who leaves shit all over the bathroom?

I cannot imagine behaving like this and expecting my partner to pick up after me and and scrub my shit.

Go stay at your mums for a bit and have a good think as to what exactly you want from your relationship and what you’re actually getting out of it. See how he treats the house when you’re not around to clean up after him.

I opened the fridge today and saw that he had half taken off the protective cover from the butter tub and closed the lid with it hanging out. I honestly felt like crying. Fucking lazy bastard

How unfortunate that you are carrying on this waste of spaces lineage.

I'd be giving it 'I am on maternity leave because I cannot work in this condition. So what makes you think I can run around after you? Let alone that I should. A man should make sure his heavily pregnant wife doesn't need to lift a finger. Buck your ideas up or bugger off!'

Stop doing anything for him. Let him cook, let him clean, let him do his own washing. Honestly, sounds like you'd be better off without him. Easier to raise one baby than two after all.

I would absolutely lose my shit with him. I’d leave until he swore on his life he’s seen the light and will now be fully responsible for his and his children’s mess.

You need to stop this.
Leaving the pot shit up for you to clean?
You aren't the fucking staff.

Don't make tea tonight. Say you're taking a break from cooking and doing everything else.

What a twat.

I’d seriously be rethinking the relationship. It would surely be easier alone than being an unpaid maid for him and his DC?

Yeh sorry but he sees ALL the house/kids stuff as solely your job. You said it yourself, your his maid. I doubt it will improve once baby is here either. Not sure if he'l ever change, this type of misogyny runs deep im afraid. Id leave tbh.

Abuse often starts in pregnancy, and he is showing how he expects to be able to treat you now he has you 'trapped'. He won't change, it will likely get worse - I speak from experience sadly.

Tell him you are exhausted and are going away for a few days.

Don't clean up before you go, don't make plans to cover for your absence.

Let him pick up the pieces.

What @Pinkbonbon said. There is nothing attractive about this man.

Be a shame if your cravings consisted of sandwiches only...
Butties all round imo.
Unless he is cooking..

'his' kids?

Then you have your answer.

A week or two at your mum's/a friends/in a lovely holiday cottage sounds a great way to relax in prep for the baby.

I grew up with 2 brothers who were lazy as sin and it feels like I’ve stepped in a time machine. I’ve just got in the bath as my back is sore and he’s text me saying he needs picking up at x time. My reply: get the bus.

Fed up. He will certainly have something to say when he gets home and I’ve not cleaned the living room and made it sparkle and shine for his arrival home - who makes effort to keep it clean? No one. Most mornings I have to move his flaming cereal bowls off the sofa as he’s too god damn lazy to put them in the sink!

Tonight I’m not making tea, he can do it and he can clean up after and if he doesn’t it’s going to be waiting for him when he gets home from work tomorrow! I say this but I’m a bit of a clean freak admittedly and I know if I do it, it will be done correctly but that’s not to say he can park his arse on the sofa and catch up on sports!

He isn’t controlling, and neither am I but he knows not to cross me, especially at this stage in my life. Not hard to pick the hoover up or mop the floor so it’s one less thing for me to do. Think he’s trying it on, he can think again.

Good. And let him get the bus from now on ('It hurts my back so no, get the bus').
#imcarryingababyIcantcarryyoutoo

Now you know why his ex left. Another reason why I'd never have given the time of day to a guy who had kids back when I was single and childfree, much less procreated with one.

This is who he is.

Now you know. He will not change. It's not 'help' either to clean up after yourself and your kid and not treat your partner like shit.

I'd ditch him. You won't, though. But the fuck I'd do school runs or cook him a fucking tea or wash his socks.

No idea why women put up with shit like this.