Feel like I’m having complete piss taken out of me

[Mugginshere19]

Just left work for maternity leave last week and my dp is just getting on my last nerve. Seems to think my maternity leave is a time to fill my day up doing odd jobs for him, cleaning the house, picking up after him and expecting a hot tea on the table after I’ve picked him up after work. I get up to take him (sometimes can be a 6am start) I take his kids to school on the days we have them and I just feel like he’s taking the piss.

He will come home and do absolutely fuck all. Won’t even move the dinner plates from the table after we have eaten and I’m getting sick of it. Came downstairs the other day after I had been having a lie down as my back was in bits and he had piled up the bows and plates him and his kids had been suing next to the sink, had been rooting around in the dryer and left the clothes half in and half out. Absolutely infuriated me. Can’t even wash the oven trays and put them back in the oven he leaves them covering the sink and that is the biggest pet hate of mine, as no one else can use the sink without finishing the job he started!

His child has been rather unwell and had a poo accident, my partner put his shorts in the shower, without removing the non slip bath Mat and rinsed the shit off but left shit all up and down the bath! I said why have you done this and not cleaned it properly ? He said well you’re at home -!!!!! Not here to pick up after everyone!! Is anyone else’s dp like this? The way I feel at the minute is like going on strike. Let him make the tea, clean up after tea and then do any other bits that need doing!

Feel like I’m massively being taken for granted and I don’t need the stress this far on and it’s going to be an explosive argument if I have to speak to him about pitching in and also about cleaning the toilet after he’s made a right old mess of it! Some people really like to live in squalor - I’m not one of them and I find it highly embarrassing when people use my bathroom and there’s dirty stains down the back!!

Rant over

Yes pink, I’m going to use that one.

I’ve folded the clothes but I haven’t put his or the kids away, put mine and the babies away - but when he wants to complain the kids room is a mess, he knows there the drawers are and where the toys go!

Thank god for MN sometimes, feel like I’ve blown the steam I needed to!

He sounds like such a catch. He won't give a shit about the house, either. Because in truth he doesn't care about you, either. He doesn't give a damn about 'crossing' you, either, he's not at all bothered.

Since you're going to stay with him, do NOT decide to not go back to work because it's too hard. You don't have a choice when you're with an unmarried partner who's also a lazy twat.

Just stop doing the stuff he is leaving. If he tells you off, make it very clear that you are on Maternity Leave from work for a reason and that reason is not to become his maid. It is SHAMEFUL that he is not doing EXTRA work around the house right now. Prick

Stick to your guns, or he'll just carry on taking the piss after baby arrives.

A few short sharp words needed tonight I think. Hope he takes it in and gets off his arse. And hope you enjoy your soak!

So your gunna stay with him op? A man who has zero respect for you. How depressing. This will be your life forever, no matter how many 'strikes' you go on. Your his maid, be worse when baby comes i can guarantee it.

Thank god for MN sometimes, feel like I’ve blown the steam I needed to!
you have but not in the direction, you need to get seriously, seriousl y mad at him to his face. Coldly but seriously, it is the only thing that will work. He needs to be scared that, rightly, this sor of shit ends relationships.

Yes, I too am alarmed that you seem to see this thread as a way of blowing off steam rather than fundamentally renegotiating your relationship with someone who views you as a household servant, and a heavily-pregnant one at that.

Don't waste your time any more.
Go to bed, only take dc when twat is out of if you really think twat won't look after dc properly.
You need to look after only you and dc, no cooking, cleaning, lifts etc, twat can paddle his own canoe.
Get some serious bed rest and have a hard think about moving on from this idiot.
You are staff with sex. He's treating you disgustingly.

Do you take him to work every day, can't he get the bus. I'm assuming he doesn't drive, does he want to learn.

When you say 'my bathroom' OP, is it your house and he's moved in with you? If that's the case I'd ask him to move out for a week or so and say it's to give him time to think about his behaviour, and how his life will be if you decide to kick him out if he doesn't up his game, the lazy bastard!

If you don’t sort this now, it’s not going to get any better when baby arrives. This is the last chance of peace and quiet for a while, so try and make the most of it.

Why doesn’t he take himself to work at 6am?!? Are you his driver? Tell him that’s £100 each time. Lazy bastard. He sounds utterly disgusting. Leaving shit in the shower! I’m guessing what you’re seeing now is why his ex left. I bet he did this to her too. Don’t have more kids with this arsehole! He’s taking the absolute piss

This is who he is. It won't get better but likely worse when you are at home with the baby. Abuse often starts around this time so don't rule out an escalation.

You'd be better off on your own tbh. I wish I'd known that back then. If you want anything different you need to show him what you want and expect. Talking is a waste of time. Stop doing the domestic stuff for him and his DC. Stop picking him up/dropping DC off. Make him realise what he needs to do in terms of his responsibilities. Maybe go and stay with friends or family for a rest. He might shape up I suppose. If you don't change the dyn amic this will be you in ten years.

He takes his own kids to school. You aren't staff. As others have said - go in strike. His kids, his job to see to them, not yours.

Have you always taken his kids to school? Has he ever looked after his own kids and done all the chores on his own for a prolonged period of time? Did you get with him straight after his split? I’m thinking you made it all way too easy/convenient for him. It’s time to stand up to him. If it was me I’d leave and stay away until he can prove he can look after himself and his kids without relying on you to do everything. He should be spoiling you at this time! You’re carrying precious cargo

You’re right. He’s taking the piss out of you and it’s difficult to see why you’ve been going along with it. Don’t give him lifts. Don’t drive his kids around. Don’t cook for him or do his or their washing. I’m all for people pitching in in a blended family but only if the adults are a team and you’re clearly not.

By all means blow off steam and stage a strike but if you stay with him life with a baby will be way worse as he’s not even half arsing things now. Want better for your child than you’ve been willing to accept.

Just had some serious words with him about it and he’s come in and cracked on with tea and washed up. I was about to cut up something and he said no no I’ll do it, and made a joke saying he’s just been working but he will do it seen as though he doesn’t do anything around the house. This to me says he knows he’s been slacking! Wonder how long until the next conversation!

Blowing some steam on here helps I find, rather than going in all guns blazing and ending up shouting at each other about what one does/doesn’t do - no one listens and it’s just an argument with no positive outcome. Told him that I’m quite happy to go back to work earlier than expected if this is how I’m going to be treated and that I’m not the maid and I won’t sit at home and clean all day and pick up after him and I mentioned the shower mat thing and I said it took me less than a minute to clean so it would take him the same amount of time to do and when he starts a job, finish it or when he sees something that needs doing, to do it! Said I don’t want to start shouting coz it doesn’t help anyone and it doesn’t need to be this way!

Well done OP.

Hope he seriously changes his behaviour; not just for a few days but permanently.

Wonder how long until the next conversation!

No, wrong attitude. Tell him very firmly and so he is in no doubt that you wont have this conversation again- that you’ll just leave. He’s had his one warning.

You're getting treated in the way you allow yourself to get treated.

Why are so many men like this? They seem to think we've been put on this world to service their needs!

Why are so many men like this?

Because so many people allow them to be. They think they can change a sexist person, or that he'll change for love, or they buy into sexist bollocks that that's just how de menz are or they have low self-esteem and shit boundaries and allow a relationship with sloppy sexist continue and then say 'oh, but I love him' rather than having cut him loose before it got that far.

Men like this rarely change.

There will be a next conversation and more and more. That's how life is with a sexist pig.

And men who have kids. 9 times out of 10 there's a good reason why their ex left them.

Why are so many men like this?

Because women still accept them as partners. Why would they change?

made a joke saying he’s just been working but he will do it seen as though he doesn’t do anything around the house. This to me says he knows he’s been slacking!

Really? Because that to me says he's making a dig that's he's been working and you haven't. And he still needs to do it on top of that work. But you know him. 🤷‍♀️

Poor dear, having to feed himself. Who wipes his arse before you came along?