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Original poster

Would mil truthfully wish my son dead?

70 replies

HalyardHitch · 04/11/2019 21:13

Ds1 has some concerning blood test results and symptoms. The gp wants us to see a paediatrician, luckily we already have an appointment for friday.

Dh was talking to mil to ask if they would be able to provide childcare so we could both go to the hospital and outlined potential concerns.

One of the potential things based on blood results and symptoms could be leukaemia (although realistically probably unlikely imho).

Mil was deeply unhappy about the potential for leukaemia and spent time telling DH just how disappointing it would be if he had blood and how many alternatives there are.

Dh pulled her up on it asked whether she'd be happy to see our son suffer or take blood. She is fully happy to see our son, her grandson, die rather than take blood.

I'm devastated

OP posts:
MoseShrute · 04/11/2019 21:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

OccasionalNachos · 04/11/2019 21:21

Assuming she is a JW. Happily your son’s treatment options are nothing to do with her, & you can tell her so. Glad your DH is supportive, but it must be difficult for him to hear his mother say things like that.

Fingers crossed for your DS Flowers

OrangeHue · 04/11/2019 21:22

Op your post isn’t very clear. So your son has had some concerning blood test results. Your husband has asked his mother to babysit while you both go to the hospital to understand what may be wrong with your son. One option is to have a blood transfusion?

Your mil, doesn’t want your son to have a blood transfusion as there are other options to get your son healthy again. your husband became upset and said so you want my son to die and your mil said yes?

Is that right? I’m a little confused about what treatment your mil doesn’t want your son getting and how can you be talking about treatment if you’ve yet to discuss options with the hospital?

Also, I don’t think it’s unreasonable of your mil to voice her opinion of what treatments she thinks your son should get- it is after all her opinion. All you and your husband need to do is politely tell her to keep them to herself as it's already a very stressful period.

What I want to know, and what will change this is did your mil actually say she’d rather your son die? Or are you being a tad dramatic?

OrangeHue · 04/11/2019 21:23

The only other thing I can think of is if she’s a Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t want a blood transfusion, in which case, she needs to keep out of it and you and your husband take a from stance on it. Not her child, not her place.

Quartz2208 · 04/11/2019 21:25

Is she a JW? As odd as you may find it it is a belief they have

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 04/11/2019 21:26

Yes, she's a jw. Dh is really upset.

Sorry my post was garbled. We've had health issues with ds1 for a while. The blood test results are just another concern on top of anything else.

Dh has a medical background but no where near a doctor. Ds1's results can indicate liver/kidney issues, diabetes (which has already been ruled out in a further blood test, leukaemia, among other things.

We've asked mil to babysit ds2 so we can take ds1 and focus on him properly.

Sorry for my post being all over the place. I only received a call from the gp this afternoon

OP posts:
Original poster
HalyardHitch · 04/11/2019 21:27

I am being perhaps a tad dramatic. But I guess the truth is she would rather he die

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 04/11/2019 21:33

I hope your little one is ok op and it’s nothing serious. Unfortunately jw seem ok with this . I can understand people having beliefs but when push comes to shove, I just can’t get my head round them choosing a belief over a loved one getting life saving treatment .

NewYoiker · 04/11/2019 21:33

Well JW do think that though don't they? You can't go to heaven if you've have blood products as you're not whole or something. This can't be a surprise reaction if you knew she was a JW..

You're his parents you make the decisions don't tell her

Quartz2208 · 04/11/2019 21:36

Oh OP I wish you luck with your son and hope he is ok and gets the treatment he needs

The JW blood transfusion is such an ingrained belief it would be hard for her to go against it however emotive it seems to you. For her it’s not about him dying but being cast away from God. In her eyes that is a far worse fate than death. It is your decision to make and one which of course if doctors suggest you should do.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/11/2019 21:39

My ex husbands aunt died she wasnt allowed blood products that potentially could have helped her (basically she was asked she said no then she went into a coma) they put her on the liverpool pathway they were in an uproar but nothing could be done by then anyway she was JW

And they tried to convince me to raise our kids like it ummm no (politely)

Tiredmum100 · 04/11/2019 21:40

It doesnt matter what she thinks. Thankfully he's your son so she wont get a say in his treatment. To be honest her comments would be they least of my worries. Let it go over your head and concentrate on your son. Are you all JWs?

WoollyMollyMonkey · 04/11/2019 21:43

I don’t understand her either, it’s not as if he is being given blood at the moment anyway it’s just a blood test!

Constantbronchitislaryngitis · 04/11/2019 21:44

Just read this thread
I didn’t realise why jw believe this.
Is your husband a jw?

WhiskeyLullaby · 04/11/2019 21:47

Well if she's a JW you need to understand where she's coming from. Not accept it or agree,but understand.

In her eyes a blood transfusion means no afterlife, not going into heaven,eternal happiness,reuniting with his family bla bla bla bla. Put into perspective with eternity, his short or hopefully very long,healthy life isn't comparable.

She doesn't want him to die,or wish he was dead, she doesn't want him to miss his chance to eternity in heaven.

It's all complete harmful,fuckedup and made up bollocks of course, but it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love him or care.

For rational people healthy and happy in the here and now is a priority. For a lot of religious people the afterlife is the priority.

I wouldn't take it personally if I were you,but I can't evn imagine how upsetting and stressful this is on top of everything else.

Parttimewasteoftime · 04/11/2019 21:47

A member of my family would have been dead years ago if not for the regular blood transfusions he's recieves. I am truely grateful people give blood and understand how gutted you must be OP.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 04/11/2019 21:50

Try to ignore her and concentrate on your family and son, easier said than done I know, she is brain washed by a cult
JW are a very clever cult because they appear more harmless and victims appear more free

OrangeHue · 04/11/2019 21:51

No need to apologise for the message. I just wanted to understand and help. Honestly, he is your son and that is the end of it. Someone else said yes to understand where she’s coming from but you don’t have to agree or comply. I would do the same. It’s an additional stress you don’t need so keep her in the dark. If she asks be vague or just don’t tell her the truth.

It is horrible and believe me, I e had similar religious talks with in laws and I’ve learnt to listen and do what I think is best

CherryPavlova · 04/11/2019 21:54

Honestly, I suspect she’s terrified for you. What mother/grandmother wouldn’t be? I suspect she’s dealing with that in the best way she can and trying to reconcile potential need for blood transfusions with her ingrained belief about transfusion being bad.
I can’t see it means she’d rather your son died. I can’t even see she thinks he shouldn’t be treated with transfusion just wondering what alternatives there but be.
I think I’d try and reassure her you don’t know what is needed yet but that you’ll listen carefully to the experts and ask about treatment options at the right time when you know what you’re dealing with.
Hopefully all will be reasonably well.

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 04/11/2019 21:55

It's a non issue as neither me, Dh or our two children are jw's. It just feels massively personal that it's our child with the potential issue and she is disappointed with us regarding potential treatment. Maybe this is just what my focus has fallen on to ignore the fears I have about my son.

He's already had two blood tests so I'm not sure what friday will be or what it entails. Just that the gp wanted to see my son tomorrow and then changes her mind when we confirmed the paediatric appointment.

I have quite a lot of personal upset as dh suffered emotional neglect among other things due to his parents being JW's. I guess hence why I posted in relationships

OP posts:
MadnessInMethod · 04/11/2019 21:59

I'm confused, have you only just found out she's a Jehovah's Witness?

If not, surely you knew a bit about their beliefs and objections to certain medics treatments, etc?

Original poster
HalyardHitch · 04/11/2019 22:01

I know her beliefs. I don't agree with her beliefs. My husband suffered because of her beliefs and I'm now truly realising that her religion is more important than the wellbeing of my son.

I think I'm just worried about my son. Dh said while i was at work that ds1 had a nose bleed this evening. I don't know what any of it means

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 04/11/2019 22:06

You must be so worried about your son, don't try and second guess things. I know friday must seem like a life time away. If you are really concerned could you still see your GP tomorrow?

carly2803 · 04/11/2019 22:12

im super confused

you must have known she was a JH - she isnt wishing your son dead at all, its her belief to not have blood transfusions (and then this could lead to death given circs).

Hope your son is ok, cant imagine what your going through. But she isnt wishing him dead

Babybel90 · 04/11/2019 22:14

I think if you know she’s a JW then you can’t really be surprised at her reaction, just don’t discuss it with her or give her any info in future and you’ll all be much happier.