Would mil truthfully wish my son dead?

[HalyardHitch]

Ds1 has some concerning blood test results and symptoms. The gp wants us to see a paediatrician, luckily we already have an appointment for friday.

Dh was talking to mil to ask if they would be able to provide childcare so we could both go to the hospital and outlined potential concerns.

One of the potential things based on blood results and symptoms could be leukaemia (although realistically probably unlikely imho).

Mil was deeply unhappy about the potential for leukaemia and spent time telling DH just how disappointing it would be if he had blood and how many alternatives there are.

Dh pulled her up on it asked whether she'd be happy to see our son suffer or take blood. She is fully happy to see our son, her grandson, die rather than take blood.

I'm devastated

And ignore your MIL for now.
She is part of a horrendous cult and is a twat.
Concentrate on you, your DS and your DH.

My mum was brought up JW, but left the religion when she left my dad, as they wouldn’t support her decision to leave even though he was abusive. Anyway, she’s been an atheist for many years and totally thinks it’s all a load of rubbish. Despite that, when she had a recent op, she told the doc she wouldn’t take blood. And when I had a blood transfusion when I had my son she told me years later that while she was glad I had had the transfusion, she also struggled with it. And this from a total non believer! The indoctrination is very strong. I can really understand why you are upset, and I hope your boy will be ok. As others have said, she believes your sons spirit is more important than his earthly life. Which is daft but that’s what they believe.

Hope your DS is doing ok

He's ok this morning. He cried for an hour when he woke up and looks pale with bags under his eyes but this mornings nose bleed was minor luckily. The gp is going to call me on thursday in advance of our hospital appointment on friday. I'm convincing myself it's nothing. It's likely to be nothing but I'm scared. It's like consulting dr Google only dh has used medical journals

Good luck on Friday Op.

I wouldn't have anything further to do with this woman. You never have to see her or speak to her again. Just focus on you and your family. Remember to look after yourself as well.

Oh, op, what an awful time. I hope you get good answers on Friday.

If it helps, MIL's parents are JW. Dh is a haemophiliac (inherited from MIL's family). They were awful about it when he was first diagnosed and PILs cut contact until GPILs could behave civilly, but they did eventually decide they could. It was made very clear to them that contact would be allowed on the basis that no discussions about treatment would ever happen. They did manage to stick to it.

How did Friday go? Hope your DS is ok

@GrumpyHoonMain Erm I'm a Muslim and I've never ever heard of ANY Muslim I know being anti-blood products!! Why would they be?! It can save a human's life. I don't think you know that saving a human's life in Islam is equivalent to saving the whole of humanity!

Anyway sorry people just had to straighten that out, as you were...

Friday was thankfully quieter than anticipated. They have some concerns but they're going to wait three months to see how it evolves.

I think dh just worked himself up into a frenzy. A little bit of worry about ds1 combined with some anger/grief about his past. He's seeing his therapist today which is a blessing.

I'd cut the MiL loose. She'll offer you no support while you go through this.

She's not scared, she's inconveinenced.

She's entitled to her beliefs but putting a random bloke in the sky before your own family is cunty behaviour.

I'd have no time for that.

Halyard, do you and your DH have wills in place? It seems pretty important to me that you name non JW guardians in case something happens to you and your DH...

Im glad the appointment went ok. Maybe just accept that mil will be zero practical or emotional help at this time and don't even ask her for anything - then you won't be disappointed in the outcome. Ask friends to mind ds2 while you have appointments for ds1, if you were my friend I'd happily have him to play to help out in these circs!

She doesn't sound very nice op. I can't respect a gran who would rather her gc dies than have blood taken.
Don't leave da1 with her to be cared for. She will poison his mind.

Yes, she's a jw.

I get your upset but your initial post was disingenuous, the views of JW on blood transfusions are well known, This is definitely an agree to disagree moment and not a time to litigate the rights and wrongs of her religious beliefs.

I wish you all the best.

It is as black and white as no blood products. Your DH, whilst not in the religion, is still enmeshed to a certain extent. It's hard to face the truth that a close relative's religion will trump everything else - including lifesaving medical treatment.

I've had to sign forms to be official NOK for a relative, because their spouse comes from a JW family. They didn't want any vital decisions to be derailed by family interference.

I hope your son is ok, OP. What a worrying time.

For your MIL, it’s not that she wants him to die, of course she doesn’t, she lives him, but because of her religious beliefs she thinks receiving blood is worse than dying. It’s utterly crazy if you don’t believe, but to her it must feel rational. It must have been really hard to hear her say that.

JW are very strange. A woman I know was forced to leave school at 15 and get a job. Her dB went to Oxford. Her df said education isn't for girls, and girls should get married and look after the house.

What a vile woman.

I can't imagine how worrying this as all been and how upsetting her reaction to it is.

I cannot even begin to approve her way of thinking but I think a previous poster hit the nail on the head:

She doesn't want him to die,or wish he was dead, she doesn't want him to miss his chance to eternity in heaven.

She thinks a transfusion would be damning his soul and prevent his chance to go to heaven.

She believes that as much as you (and I) believe that if a transfusion can save his life it's an absolute no brainier that we would want to go ahead with it.

Again I don't agree with her POV but from her side it comes from a place of love for your son and in her mind is a loving attitude because the chance at eternal life in heaven is the priority where as ours is life on earth.

I don't know where that leaves things as regards your relationship with her but it is a (to us, skewed) example of her showing how much she loves him. I simultaneously think her view is abhorrent while also knowing that it fundamentally is a genuinely an act of love in her mind.

I really hope your DS is ok and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this

I get your upset but your initial post was disingenuous, the views of JW on blood transfusions are well known, This is definitely an agree to disagree moment and not a time to litigate the rights and wrongs of her religious beliefs.*

I don't think I'd ever be able to just agree to disagree that my grandson would be better of dead that getting a blood transfusion because some cult told me so.