Had a bad date and a friend said...

[User2953]

‘Not all men are bad, the problem is it will be hard for you to find a good one now at your age.’

I feel so sad hearing that. Almost like I may as well give up. I’m 35 on Monday so I was already feeling down about dating. Not sure why I’m posting, I feel really down.

Your problem is not so much the dating world. Your problem is your ‘friend’ who is draining your self esteem. She must know what she said was a poisonous thing to say to you. Why would she do that to her friend? Get rid.

Not all men want a younger woman. My partner admitted to me his general rule was 5 years above or below his own age. It's similar to what I'd have said.

You only have to meet one, remember. I met mine at 46.

Also remember that many people in couples won't go the distance. Lots of relationships aren't for life. People split, marriages break down every day.

You have plenty of time to meet someone.

OP in a way you are the perfect age to meet a life partner. Men in their 20s (generally) are not ready to settle down. It's only harder as there's less of a social scene so online dating is really a must. FWIW I met my DP at almost 34. Agree with PP, it's a numbers game. She doesn't sound like a good friend at all. So glad I didn't marry any of the ones I wanted to marry in my 20s. You know what you want now (not that some people don't in their 20s). My DP's BF married in early 20s and is now having an affair, you just never know what's going on behind closed doors (obviously that's one case and I'm sure lots of people who married young are very happy, just saying we never know so don't compare).

What a load of rubbish. Sounds like her life may not be as perfect as she likes to make out. She's talking about something she has no experience with.

Found mine at 35.
Your friend is wronnnnnnnnng.

OP, that's a shitty thing to say. Quite a sneering put down, actually. When you find your man. Yes, I did say when. She will probably pick fault with him or your relationship with him.

I suspect she is unhappy herself for what ever reason.

You are looking for a diamond. Keep mining and sifting the dross until one day...…..

Just go for it. As a current pop song advises, 'do my hair toss, check my nails, 'cause I'm hot as hell.'

No way op. In your 20s you have such low standards and expectations, you have all the time in the world to waste on some immature loser you think you can fix once he moves out of his parents' house, and no idea of your own value as a person.
In your 30s you're much more likely to know your worth, get rid of any moochers, losers and cocklodgers without a second thought and date people who are more mature, kinder, solvent, ready to settle down and altogether people who have their shit together. 35 is a bloody brilliant age.

I was married and divorced by the age of 35. My childhood sweetheart. Met the love of my life at 37 and been together 4 years and get married next year. Ignore your friend.

I think you're in a much better position to meet someone in your 30s and older, you've had the experience and now know hopefully what you want and don't want in a SO. Get yourself out there and don't listen to anyone!

I think there is some truth in what she says I'm afraid.

I'm a 45-year old man and I've been single now for 9 years. I have a female friend, 42, and she's been single 12 years. I have another female friend, 46, been single 8 years. None of us hav even had that many dates in all these years, which was not the case when we were in our 20s.

Well I think it is true.

^I agree as evdienced by my late 30s friends who go on endless dates with losers and weirdos

What a load of crap.. If anything, meeting at this age means you both know who you are, and what you want. You both have experience from life and other relationships, and have got a lot of things out of your system. Personally, I'm really glad I didn't meet DH until my 30s for those reasons

Utter nonsense! What sort of friend is she? I met my now husband at 35 and at 39 I have just had a beautiful baby son. I'm very much in love with my husband and he is wonderful in every way. Lots of my friends married in their 20s and divorced in their 30s! I remember feeling very down at being single in my 30s but please try not to worry. Love doesn't care about age and numbers. I'm sure you'll find someone lovely

@misspiggy19 - but the person who commented on this thread who is in her 20’s said she didn’t find dating any better either.

Dating is hard. There are weirdos and losers. There are weirdos and losers who are married too of course. However to just write everyone in their late 30’s off is just nonsense

The pot is smaller, but I’m 38 and met my 45 year old fiancée in the last 18 months......... not through online dating, I must add. You can meet people online, but it’s such a nightmare with everyone always looking for the next person and not valuing people as there are so many options.......

I was with a right dickhead in my 20s.

Me too. I got rid of mine and met DH in my 30s. Many women are still with theirs

Its nonsense of course and you can definitely find the perfect someone at any age!
There is some truth to what she said though. I met DH in my late teens and luckily it all worked out really well.
My best friend divorced at age 30 and she really struggled to find someone new for a long time. After the initial break from men she was ready to date again about a year after the divorce. And she really tried everything including online dating, tinder, blind dates,.. she met tons of weirdos. Had the funniest stories, which to her at the time were not funny at all because she felt lonely and thought she would never find someone again.

I think its not just to do with the men. When youre 30 you're properly set up in your life and you know exactly what you want and what you dont want.
When youre in early 20s youre much more careless about dating with a 'we will see where it takes us' attitude. My friend told me that she dropped many men after the first date just because she knew right away their lifes dont match. I guess it is easier to match lifes when both people have a stable one.

Dont be discouraged!

I met my husband when I was 50. Your friend is talking rubbish.

I guess its harder*

I think a lot of people have taken the words of OP’s friend out of context.

What she said:

“it will be hard for you to find a good one now at your age.”

Is absolutely true however insensitive to say to a friend. She’s not saying it’s impossible but it’s here. It’s hard to find ‘a good one’ at any age, but it does become harder in your mid to late thirties as the availability of ‘good men’ becomes less for obvious reasons.

When someone is a bit older they have usually already been house trained by someone else. Winner! I also think that people who have already been through a long term relationship or two then realise that being single can be lonely so are often more sincere about dating and less interested in putting knotches on bedposts.

I met dh at 31 but I remember feeling very depressed on my 30th. Everyone in my circle had settled down young. They all had partners and dc and I felt like it would never happen for me. I definitely kissed a few frogs! When I met dh, honestly, I’d pretty much given up on romance. He just bulldozed his way into my life and it’s the best thing that ever happened.

Don’t ever give up hope. I’ve met so many people, through school runs, who met their partners in later life.

Well I am taking comfort from this thread, thanks

Met my boyfriend at 43. He's a keeper.

"I would honestly ditch her, she is a bitch."

What? Someone's not a bitch for giving an opinion you don't like or disagree with.

I agree with OP's friend - it does get harder as you get older.
There might be a moment when it gets easier again if there are more divorced men around, but late 30s and early 40s at least are hard.
I'm early 40s and haven't been asked out for about 5 years. I'm not attractive, but in my 30s I was asked our regularly. There's been a huge difference in the last few years.