Had a bad date and a friend said...

[User2953]

‘Not all men are bad, the problem is it will be hard for you to find a good one now at your age.’

I feel so sad hearing that. Almost like I may as well give up. I’m 35 on Monday so I was already feeling down about dating. Not sure why I’m posting, I feel really down.

Another voice to say that 35 is not at all "past it"! My very good friend met the love of her life at 41. You are a baby!

Not every married man is a good one. Lots of bad married ones! Just because she’s smug married doesn’t mean everybody is rosy. Just keep putting yourself out there. One bad date isn’t the end of the world. I didn’t get married until my 40’s

That would be true if you were 50.

Nonsense! My DP was 52 when the love of their life (me!) came along.

How rude and untrue She sounds like she is being a bitch
I just find it really annoying when people who have been married for years give me dating advice like they know what it's like

It's true that it's hard to find a good man. It's not true that it's harder because of your age - there are plenty of not good men in their 20s; too!

@Thirza38 well said. Many of my friends have never even really dated, never mind do online dating. They have no fucking clue what dating is like.

I hit the jackpot at 46. Online, first day of signing up. He was 45, no children and absolutely the best person I've ever met. Married at 50.

You know those amazing, romantic, loyal, loving men you think only exist in books and films...... I got one of those.

Your so called friend isn't very nice at all and is talking through her bottom of things she knows nothing of.

My friend met her husband at 16 and married him at 25.

He is an arsehole who had an affair and I suspect she is unhappy. But being a sahp to 3 young kids she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Just because she is already married doesn’t mean anything.

I was 40 when I married DH and he was 48.

He’s the best human being I have ever met (apart from my late mum).

Sometimes it takes a bit of age/life experience to figure out what works. I like to think I found him by a process of elimination!

My friend is dating at 40 and she meets lots of great, solvent, single men, her thing is that SHE isn’t that interested in most of them.

I know plenty of people who married young who are divorced or miserable, so don’t idealise it. A 35 year old woman has a better idea what she needs from a partner than she did when she was 20...

She’s not your friend. She looks down on you to make herself feel better.

That's complete nonsense. I met the kindest, most thoughtful, lovely man through tinder (of all places) when I was 39. We get married next year.

I had years of well meaning but slightly smug marrieds telling me I needed to get a move on, or how hard it would be to meet someone, or even worse doing the condescending head tilt/hand on the arm/it'll happen for you someday combo.....

I was 53 when I met the love of my life and he was 52, she is talking utter bollocks.

I also wonder if there is a bit of jealousy on your friends part? As is clear from the replies, there are alot of people meet the love of their lives a bit later in life. Although I would say 35 is still young too 😊

I met a good one at 36 too! She’s talking nonsense.

My mum met her now husband at 47. They are together 25 years today! Ignore that bull.

Clearly that’s what SHE is worried about. She’s thought about it, and that’s what is making her stay put. It has no basis in fact.

For all you know she's just trying to make herself feel better about having married so young... Might not be quite as rosy as she portrays.

Yeah, your friend is being a "smug married."
Ignore.
You're more likely to be dating men who are coming out of divorces or separations from long-term partners. Just take it slow and watch out for red flags.

I know so many people who met their partners in their late 30's. I'm sure it's probably a bit harder as the things we often did when younger ie drinking/clubbing we don't tend to do plus whoever we meet is more likely to have history (ex's/kids/heartbreak) but you are possibly more likely to meet in a place meaning you will actually have things in common plus you both have made and hopefully learned from past mistakes which will help in this relationship.

Don't ever give up. Keep enjoying life, try new things, meet new people and when the time is right the right person will come into your life.

I think your friend might be jealous? Sounds like something may not be quite as rosy as she likes to present to you in married "paradise". No kind, good friend says this kind of shit to someone they care about. Really. I am 50 and have no trouble attracting men and I know plenty of people who remarried even later in life than me.

I would be tempted to tell her where to stick her unhelpful advice next time she tries to give you it.

OP she probably thinks online dating is like it was 15 years ago where not many people "matched" and there was a stigma to it where people thought it was a bit desperate.

Nowadays people young and older do online dating... even teenagers!

There's a whole whirlpool of people out there in your boat and looking to meet someone. Online dating has many many successful stories!

To some extent, yes. A lot of men are married by that age. Also, there will still be good men out there x

No, don't take any notice! Sometimes the good men are re-released back onto the market later on, due to relationship break-downs. DH both got back on the market, through not fault of our own, at the same time, and met a couple of years later. People make it sound like there is a certain number of men/women available at the 'beginning' and when they marry/partner up they are removed permanently from the system. In reality, it's much less straight-forward re the numbers. You just have to watch out for obvious red flags, and not lower your standards regarding the really important stuff.

PS, we're both a LOT older than you.