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Original poster

My DD has reverted in behaviour after spending time with her DF and granny

78 replies

Rainbowhairdontcare · 02/11/2019 08:51

I had a c section and with no friends nor family to help my DD had to stay with her DF. Her grandmother was around too ,( and she has very questionable behaviour)
In the past week my DDs great grandmother was admitted to hospital with just a few days left to live

I had my DD overnight for the first time in two weeks and she's been saying the following:

1- it won't matter if my great granny dies as my granddad has promised me to get the money I'd usually get from her.

2- she went back to not being mindful about people being around her ( her granny is that way) and as a result she kicked me in my c section scar. (she's a big 9 year old).

3- went back to lying when she doesn't understand something I say and just replies "I don't know". I don't know myself why she sometimes doesn't understand what I say

4- she didn't go trick or treating ( she wanted to) because granny doesn't like going knocking on doors.

Unfortunately as I can't do the school runs by myself she'll be under their care for a few extra days.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 02/11/2019 18:57

The 9 year old is in 50/50 custody and would have spent this week or two with dad anyway

As far as I can see it is far longer than a week or 2. The Dd has only spent 1 night with her mother in the last 2 weeks and won’t be having her home again until the latter part of next week for a few days.

There is a partner living with the op. Couldn’t he take her to school.

Isn’t he on paternity leave.
What exactly is he doing in all this.

ArkAtEee · 02/11/2019 22:18

Some quite forthright answers on here. For balance, I was in serious pain for a good month after my C-section and didn't drive for a good 6 weeks. Maybe the OP wasn't planning another child when she chose the school for her 9 year old? Either way, everyone has a different recovery from complex major surgery.

SD1978 · 02/11/2019 22:20

@readitandwept - are you sure?! Makes a tad more sense if so......🙄 maybe the child can go stay with the dog which was also abandoned. Or stick with dad for some consistency other than being consistently second place to the selfishness that particular poster always displays if you're right.......

readitandwept · 02/11/2019 22:29

@SD1978 It's her.

When was the dog abandoned? She mentions it here.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/11/2019 22:43

Can you explain your custody agreement? Is it one week on one week off?

SD1978 · 02/11/2019 23:07

@readitandwept - with the mother in the USA- although the USA tour minus kids (I though there were two kids- boy and girl) with the OM was supposed to also bring the dog back with them- the I want to live the life I deserved with the OM minus kids tour they were due (feck I remember too many details 😂😂😂)

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/11/2019 23:18

It just ended up being sheer luck that those two weeks fell whithin the two weeks of post partum recovery.

Really? Not I had a c section and with no friends nor family to help my DD had to stay with her DF as you originally said?

Your poor DD.

readitandwept · 02/11/2019 23:22

The OM - now boyfriend, has a boy and a girl. She has her own daughter and now they have a baby together.

I'm not familiar with the childless tour thread, but it sounds absolutely her self absorbed style.

SD1978 · 03/11/2019 00:46

@readitandwept- it was a novel read- like most of the posts if they are even half true though, I feel for the poor kid, I really do. The self absorbed tour potentially included a wedding for her and OM- but mainly was all about the life she should have had. Deserved to have, wanted to have if it hadn't been for that pesky kid and husband.......although now there is a new pesky kid in the mix. So again the poor woman doesn't get to do what she deserves as no doubt the 'unexpected' and 'accidental' pregnancy (speculation) will put that off for a few years.......maybe third times a charm 🤣🤣😂

SemperIdem · 03/11/2019 01:55

This cannot be real?

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/11/2019 09:00

Either way, everyone has a different recovery from complex major surgery

Agreed but that is where the of the new born should have stepped in.

Op complains that her ex doesn’t look after their Dd when he has custody of her.

Seems like this new man is cut from the same cloth.

Her mother is helping, her exmil is helping even her exh is helping to a certain extent but there hasn’t been a single word about the current man doing anything,

Original poster
Rainbowhairdontcare · 03/11/2019 12:10

For all of you who happen to remember my life, I was thinking of relocation because I was made redundant. And with no family nor friends here it was a horrible place to live.

The two weeks were planned, yes my DH could have taken her to school but that was not part of the agreement ( as it was originally planned) so he said ,no your weeks start from this upcoming Monday but I can't do the school run properly nor take her to ballet, tap, swimming, etc...

So that's where the extra days come from. The paternity leave ends today so he can't help with those things ( they all happen before 6).

Her dad understandably doesn't want her to miss out so much so that's why his mum stayed for longer so she can drive her around.

Btw my DM doesn't come to help just to visit.

OP posts:
JollyHolly30 · 03/11/2019 12:21

3- went back to lying when she doesn't understand something I say and just replies "I don't know". I don't know myself why she sometimes doesn't understand what I say

Can you give us an example of this?

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/11/2019 12:23

No wonder your dd doesn’t understand you because I am having a hard time following.

Yesterday you said you had your dd for the first time in 2 weeks. Yet you are not getting her back till Thursday.

Your dh could drop your dd at school but despite being on paternity leave couldn’t take her to her ECA because it was after 6pm.
Does he where an ankle tag ?

Your exmil apparently stayed on to help exh out but given she has been the one in charge for the whole time feeding her (baked potatoes for 2 weeks) what exactly has your ex done in physically looking after your dd and what does he normally do when his mother is not around

HiHoToffee · 03/11/2019 12:26

It being a horrible place to live was all down to you and DH's own making, moving away was the right thing to do.

And there is nothing wrong with granny coming over to help with childcare, I assume there was a weeks half term imvolved? Really nothing you have said re DD's behaviour sounds worrying. Your DH's attitude on the other hand

Original poster
Rainbowhairdontcare · 03/11/2019 12:32

Yes, I had her overnight on Friday for the first time in the past two weeks.

Yes, my DH could have done all school drops and extra curricular activities last week, but as last week was already booked as my exHs week, my exH said he didn't want to change that agreement, as it was agreed a couple of months ago.

When my exMIL is not around he's a lot more hands on. Yes, he still feeds her a lot of mash and peas and sausages, but at least that's better than just baked potatoes.

OP posts:
Greysparkles · 03/11/2019 12:32

3- went back to lying when she doesn't understand something I say and just replies "I don't know". I don't know myself why she sometimes doesn't understand what I say

Have you had her hearing tested? Because this Seems pretty serious

Original poster
Rainbowhairdontcare · 03/11/2019 12:34

Yes, I've had her hearing tested BTW, what everybody thinks is that she just gets easily distracted. She hadn't done it in a while.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 03/11/2019 12:36

For all of you who happen to remember my life, I was thinking of relocation because I was made redundant. And with no family nor friends here it was a horrible place to live.

Lies.

He had a deadline to leave his wife. If he didn't, you were considering telling her and moving away without your daughter. Telling yourself she'd be happier with her granny. The granny you're slating.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 03/11/2019 12:39

So what is your custody agreement?

Original poster
Rainbowhairdontcare · 03/11/2019 12:42

Yes, because my DD has said in the past (even when I was with her dad) that she loved her granny more than me.

When I came back from business trips she didn't get happy to see me again, she only got sad because granny would leave.

And I simply don't like living here. My family was pressuring me to leave (they still do every now and then).

But ever since that happened, my exH realised he needed more boundaries with his DM and things changed. It is always pretty obvious when she spends time with her because she becomes a "mini granny".

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowhairdontcare · 03/11/2019 12:44

It's usually 50/50. One week I'll have her 2 nights, but the next one I'll have her 5, adding to 14 nights every 28 nights.

OP posts:
readitandwept · 03/11/2019 13:03

You're jealous of her granny. No wonder she prefers her. You had the chance to bond with her and put her above all else, and instead you had affair (with a man whose kids she went to school with), introduced her to OM within weeks, moved him in after months, his eldest hated you and wouldn't come near his dad, and still it was all new puppies and TTC all within a year!

But granny's the bad influence here.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 03/11/2019 13:17

OK so how much have you seen her since you had the c section?

It does look like she's been pushed to the side.
You may not have meant for it to come to that. But she's a child. And you had a new baby and she's gone out the door.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/11/2019 13:39

It's usually 50/50. One week I'll have her 2 nights, but the next one I'll have her 5, adding to 14 nights every 28 nights

So why was she with your exh for 2 weeks straight and you said that was his 2 weeks.