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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you be happy with this?

78 replies

Secondsight · 02/11/2019 08:28

My DP and I see each other once during the week usually late on say 8.30/9pm. And most of the weekend. Last night he came over and said I'm going out for lunch with my DD on Sunday which means the weekend is cut short. He's always going on about how much he misses me etc.
He lives with his DD who is 24 and I felt that he should have at least said beforehand or made it a little later. It seems as if he is starting to make excuses up.

OP posts:

Hatherden123 · 02/11/2019 08:31

Wooooah - slow down - this is really nothing - you are reading way too much into this don't make a fuss just be happy for him chat to him about where they are going and wish them both a lovely time - when you have a bit of time to yourself think about if something has happend in a previous relationship that makes you so insecure

Unluckyinlove2019 · 02/11/2019 08:32

How long have you been together?

On the face of it I'd say you were being unreasonable to even question it, unless there's a massive backstory.

If you usually spend most weekends together, take this opportunity to do something on your own. You've had a couple of days notice to make plans - it's not like he's dropped it on you last minute. Why not arrange to see friends?

I think you're coming across as very needy.

booboo24 · 02/11/2019 08:32

Hoe long have you been together? If she's 24 is she working full time? It doesn't ring alarm bells with me, sometimes a nice Sunday lunch to catch up if they're both busy is a nice thing to do. I asked how long you had been together because I wondered if it was something you feel you should have been invited to?

Needsomebottle · 02/11/2019 08:34

Why do you guys see each other so late in the week? Is it due to his working hours?

If he lives with his daughter but spends most of the weekend with you, and assuming they both have their own lives day to day in the week he probably doesn't get much real quality time with her so perhaps one or both of them thought it might be nice to go out for lunch, slow down, take their time together and catch up.

You presumably will see him all day Saturday and sunday morning, he has more than one lady in his life and I think he's being perfectly reasonable to want to utilise some of his weekend with other people.

yearinyearout · 02/11/2019 08:34

You haven't really given enough background. How long have you been together, why do you only see each other once during the week, have you met his daughter? Answers to these questions might provide more context.

Uponreflection · 02/11/2019 08:35

I wouldn’t have a problem with that.

Original poster

Secondsight · 02/11/2019 08:37

So you don't think that if you've planned the weekend together you should at least say that's not going to be the case? He told me last night on his arrival. We've been together two years and I've spent one evening with her in two years. Of course he can see his daughter it's la k of consideration.

OP posts:

MarianaMoatedGrange · 02/11/2019 08:37

As he lives with his adult DD, and presumably sees her a lot, it does seem odd that he'd cut short your weekend together to have lunch with her, unless it's her birthday or something else special?

If that was the case, yes he should have told you beforehand. You're certainly not a priority, no matter how much he says he misses you. Actions speak louder than words.

Thinkingaboutthestats · 02/11/2019 08:38

Surely he sees friends and other family members on weekends also?

All weekend with the same person would be too much for me!

Original poster

Secondsight · 02/11/2019 08:41

He was very needy and is very insecure always going on about how much he misses me how I might meet someone else. He wanted to see me twice in the week but I felt it was too much. So we agreed on once during the week and the weekend. It's not so much what's he's doing it's the feeling I'm getting from it. I have no doubt he's seeing his daughter but I'm getting this gut feeling.

OP posts:

Uponreflection · 02/11/2019 08:42

As you’ve been together two years, I would have thought you would be invited along.

Original poster

Secondsight · 02/11/2019 08:45

Im a person who needs lots of space it's just the way it was announced. Sometimes he'll pop home to do stuff etc and I'm really not wanting to be joined at the hip but I felt as if he'd not even considered me. Two years and I've ne er gone out to lunch with her.

OP posts:

Hatherden123 · 02/11/2019 08:47

This feeling in your guts....better off with actimel than vague accusations of lack of consideration - he made a plan and told you about it when he saw you, no biggie.

Windmillwhirl · 02/11/2019 08:47

Do you feel you see him enough, generally? If not, it may be why this incident stings.

Hatherden123 · 02/11/2019 08:49

Why don't you just ask to go along - he can't read your mind.
He could be posting "two years and she's never even asked to join us for a roast "

funnylittlefloozie · 02/11/2019 08:53

You refuse to see him more than once a week after TWO YEARS, and now you're getting the hump about him going to lunch with his own daughter. I woukd suggest that he has decided you see this relationship as such a tiny part of your life, that it doesnt matter ifhe gets on with his own life. Its actually quite healthy - its certainly in line with the advice people would give here.

holidays987 · 02/11/2019 08:55

Did you have something special booked/planned for Sunday? If not, he is not U.

It's actually quite nice he's going out with his DD, especially as it sounds like he rarely spends weekend time with her as he's with you.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/11/2019 08:57

So he’s not allowed to do anything else at the weekend? His daughter should come first and it’s lovely they spend time together.

Loveablers · 02/11/2019 09:02

It sounds like it’s all very much on your terms but as soon as he does something you don’t agree with you throw your toys out the pram

If my DP only wanted to see me once a week after two years then I wouldn’t even still be in that “relationship”.

I mean two years, you only see each other once a week and you’ve only met his daughter once. Is this really your ideal relationship?

Needsomebottle · 02/11/2019 11:15

As for the amount of notice he gave you, personally, unless we had something planned, I'd be ok with that.

You say he has been needy and wanted to see you more etc, it sounds like this is a healthy step in the right direction away from neediness.

Interestedwoman · 02/11/2019 14:24

I can completely get what you mean, IDK why previous PPs can't.

He could've told you that earlier in the week or whatever, and it would've been better manners/more considerate.

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/11/2019 14:34

Why aren't you invited . Are they just very close OP? I can't imagine when I was 24 living with my dad at all, let alone doing so and then wanting to go out for lunch with him on the weekend.

He sounds a bit rude. If you've arranged to spend the weekend together then I'd have thought he either asks if you fancy joining or just catches up with her later. With that said if it's a one off I don't think it's a huge deal.

Obvioulsy you have reservations anyway OP, what do you get out of the relationship? Is he just popping over for sex? Do the over the top 'I miss you's' day up once it's happened?

FFSnotanotherone · 02/11/2019 14:44

Do neither of you see anyone else at the weekend ever? He's spent every weekend of the last two years with you and now wants one lunch with his daughter?

Did you have plans for Sunday?

ExcitedForFuture · 02/11/2019 15:33

I was with you but then saw your update about how he wanted more time together but it basically all boils down to your need for space and you describe him as needy for wanting to see you 2 evenings a week. Surely after 9pm you are hardly getting any proper time together anyway. So you said no yet when he wants to do something else, you aren't happy with that.

Nah. Commit properly to a relationship or expect him to get fed up. Which he may be doing and explains why you have a gut feeling.

My DP made it clear early on he wouldn't be happy as a part time boyfriend, which I understood and agreed with. It's like saying 'I want a boyfriend when it's convenient for me but I want you to fuck off when it's not convenient for me' hardly a nice way to treat someone you love.

Original poster

Secondsight · 02/11/2019 16:36

We were both happy with once during the week he was coming round later and later which I had said I wasn't happy with.
I think if you'd made arrangements to do things as we had on Sunday then I'd expect some notice or negotiation. Nothing to do with space or no space just common decency.

OP posts:

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