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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To ask my husband to move out

40 replies

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 14:53

We are currently seperated and he is the sole earner. I've just spoken to wellfare office and they told me that I would be entitled to enough universal credit to cover me staying alone in our house with kids.
My husband's brother rents out a room in our house, ideally I would want them both to move out and get a place together.
Unreasonable?
The main reason for living as 'friends' for now was 1) I didn't know where I stood financially and 2) my dh is stopping an addiction to weed where he could potentially be vulnerable.
Having had a phycologist who has alot of experience in substance addiction tell me that staying with him is posing a risk to our children's future (they are learning from his behaviour etc) also that he has 20 years worth of supressed emotions to come out, my gut is telling me the best thing would be for him and his brother to move out in the new year.

OP posts:

TheQueef · 30/10/2019 14:54

You might get better replies in relationships.
YANBU imo it's a sensible idea.

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 15:00

How do i change it over?

OP posts:

TheQueef · 30/10/2019 15:07

You can report your post, and ask mnet to move it for you.
I'll report it too, it's the ... Three dots, bottom left for me.
I only mention it on the thread in case you don't want it moving.
AIBU is busiest but you need quality replies not quantity

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 15:08

Good advice thanks!

OP posts:

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 30/10/2019 15:10

Is the house owned or rented?

If owned (either jointly or soley by you or him) then the house is considered the marital home, you can ask him to move out but he is not obliged to do so and you can't neccesarily make him leave until any financial settlement regarding assets has been reached. This is presuming that no domestic violence has occured.

If you sublet or rent a room to your BIL does he have a tennancy agreement? If it is an informal arrangement I would still make a written request that he vacates his room. Your husband may make this difficult difficult to implement if he jointly owns the property with you.

If you rent the property then your husband can assert his home rights even if he is not on the tennancy agreement and can not be forced out of the property. Also if you partner ends the tennancy there is no guarantee the landlord will automatically transfer the tennancy into your sole name and may sever the tennancy altogether.

Fingers crossed that you can sort it out amicably and your ex will move out of his own volition.

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 16:20

It's jointly owned. Yes I hope so too, I was actually thinking he might feel like he needs to stay as I wouldn't manage on my own so perhaps telling him about the universal credits would allow him to think more freely.
He actually feels like he has the power at the moment as he is the earner and was planning on giving me a £30/week allowance and him taking all the child benefit and tax credits !

OP posts:

underground76 · 30/10/2019 16:32

It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him, but if he isn't keen to leave you may need to talk to a solicitor.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 30/10/2019 16:41

As the house is jointly owned a visit to a solicitor would be in your best interests. Your ex may wish the house to be sold as part of the divorce so professional legal advice is the best way forward.

TheQueef · 30/10/2019 16:42

Solicitor is good advice.
Best to double check everything so no surprises.

LonginesPrime · 30/10/2019 16:47

ideally I would want them both to move out and get a place together

The moving out part is one thing, but obviously it's up to them what they do once they've left your home.

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 17:05

@LonginesPrime I mean for my own piece of mind that they are both together and dh had that support! Obviously it wouldnt be my concern/business anymore, I do care about them though xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 17:06

Just messaged my friend who's dh is a solicitor to give me some advice

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 30/10/2019 17:07

UC doesn't pay housing benefit for mortgaged homes, IIRC. At any rate, you can ask him, but he doesn't have to. You need to see a solicitor.

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 17:13

The welfare office man said if we are living in the house we would be entitled to £1058/month
Not sure what the breakdown is but I've 3 kids. So maybe no housing benefit but that figure is enough to keep us ticking over

OP posts:

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 30/10/2019 17:24

While it is great that you can receive some basic legal advice from a friends husband I would say that if you are proceeding with a separation/divorce with assets such as property involved (and potentially pensions) it is always advisable to retain your own solicitor.

FabbyChix · 30/10/2019 17:25

You own so he doesn’t have to move. How do you propose to pay the mortgage as why should he if he doesn’t live there. You don’t get benefits for mortgage payments. Can you buy him out or you may have to sell

stucknoue · 30/10/2019 17:28

If you own your house there's no housing element, just a loan for the interest payment. Unless there's dv, he can refuse to move out. I suggest working out whether you can put the house into your name (unlikely) or selling tbh. If you rent and have kids under 5 you can claim full benefits, over 5 you can claim but are expected to seek at least part time work

Cheeseandwin5 · 30/10/2019 17:30

I would be surprised if he or his brother did move out, as it would be against their best interests to do so and any legal advice he was given would probably say as much.
I would get ready to either buy him out or sell the marital home and look for another place to live.

fedup21 · 30/10/2019 17:31

If you own the house but you don’t work, how are you going to be able to pay the mortgage if he moves out?

graceconell0147 · 30/10/2019 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

timshelthechoice · 30/10/2019 17:34

Reported grace. Get a fucking life, you spammers, there IS no cure for autism.

Original poster

Louise000000 · 30/10/2019 17:40

I can cover the bills with the universal credit. My kids are 3, 5 and 7

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 30/10/2019 17:43

Then you had best go ahead and apply, but your H is under no obligation to move out and it is not in his best interests to do so, so if he sees a solicitor he will probably be advised as such.

MNHQ

LilyMumsnet · 30/10/2019 17:44

We're just moving this over to the relationship topic for the OP.

fedup21 · 30/10/2019 17:46

I can cover the bills with the universal credit.

Wow-really? I didn’t think you got anything towards a mortgage.

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