He doesn't go down on me

[ILikePaperHats]

My previous partner gave oral loads and always sorted me out first IYKWIM. I can't really orgasm any other way apart from with a vibrator which I do use occasionally in front of my current partner but often he seems bored by that, maybe left out? He hardly ever gives me oral. I shave, shower every day so I know It's not the odour that might put him off. I've tried talking to him about it and he says he's under confident about his technique, especially as I 'just lay there like a sack of potatoes' (yes, his words but probably on the defence). I've tried telling him that being still and quiet is my way of relaxing and enjoying it and if I'm squirming around then it means he's not in the right place. I tell him I like it on the left hand side of my clit and he nearly always does it on the other side which drives me mad as it seems he doesn't listen or doesn't care much about my pleasure. What should I do? He's 10 years younger than me, was quite inexperienced when I met him and I feel I should have been able to teach him better than this!

The responses on here are really weird. He hasn't said that he doesn't like doing it. OP is not forcing him to do anything. People are allowed to ask for what they like in bed!

OP he's selfish. Presumably you are doing much for him in bed that doesn't give you a great deal of pleasure. He won't return the favour because he doesn't place as much importance on your orgasm as he does his own.

If he really doesn't like/want to do oral, he could say something like: 'Oral really doesn't do it for me, I'm sorry, but I would like to explore other ways of making sure sex is as wonderful for you as it is for me.' He's not doing that though is he?

PPs probably right, we're not really that compatible in some ways, but he is good in other ways. He loves me, loves my kids and my animals, willing to do things for me like DIY and doing errands in the car as I can't afford to drive. He did pay up £100 for hot tub costs in the end! We don't argue much now I've stopped drinking and get on a lot better. I'd be lonely without him as I work from home on my own, not got any family around and only have a few friends one of whom has got cancer who I unfortunately don't see much of anymore. We've got an expensive holiday abroad booked for us and the kids next year, all flights have been paid for and villa deposit paid, I would not want to go by myself. I'm 10 years older than him, have put weight on and don't have much confidence. Nothing is black and white about this relationship.

Anotherlongdrive
Just leave the thread if you doubt the OP. Life is too short to go hunting through old threads.

Have you considered that he might be part of the reason you're lacking confidence?

I think maybe you should work on building yourself up.

If you don't want to get rid just yet then whatever .. don't give him oral if you're not getting it, use your vibrator etc. What about a vibrating cock ring?

Lie still like a sack of potatoes? Yeah well, apart from porn where women scream and writhe while getting two seconds of crap looking oral - many many people are quite still and quiet while receiving oral and trying to get into the right headspace to orgasm .... Get him to watch some half way realistic/amateurs vids of oral on women on porn sites .. cause the ones I've seen the woman don't move throughout. Though I'm sure he'll still think he's right even if he watched them.

Likewise the vibrator .. clearly he's not the sort to get turned on by his partner masturbating unless she's doing amateur dramatics.

He sounds not v motivated by women's pleasure, not v patient, not v realistic .... And sadly he fits in with the majority of men I've experienced.

They.aldo get faking women and don't realise - shout out to the fakers .. thanks for fking up a those men for us.

Sounds like you should possibly get rid after holidays and try to find one like your ex.

*all those men

Also sounds like you should try to build up your social contacts through anything you can.

@TarMcAdam
Tried the vibrating ring, didn't do anything for me as didn't seem to hit the right spot, and I guess I've got used to having O's in a certain way. Yes I agree, I do need to build up more social contact with other people. Will work on that.

Take it from an old bird...there are men that enjoy it and are good at it, and men that don’t enjoy it and aren’t good at it. He falls in to the second camp.

If it’s the only way you can have an orgasm, you aren’t sexually compatible and I’d be seriously considering whether this relationship has a future.

Crap sex is what kills a lot of relationships in the end, whether people are honest with themselves about that or not.

My DH doesn't like doing it either so he doesn't end of. I have no desire to make him do something sexually he doesn't want to do. I also won't let him finish in my mouth. The thought alone makes me gag violently. And as he's a loving husband he would never expect to.

He did pay up £100 for hot tub costs in the end!

Oh, you again! He's a cocklodging twat who has got you in debt and excuse me, but the HMRC will see this as very black and white because given how much he stays at yours, he could be considered a live-in partner and they'll yank your tax credits and throw you on UC.

It's really, really sad that some people are so afraid of their own company and being single that they will literally put up with utter crap, pay or get into debt to have a man in their lives at the expense of their kids, just so they can have a relationship.

This guy not licking the left side of your clit is the least you'll have to worry about it if one of your neighbours shops you for having him shack up there.

It's his left