He doesn't go down on me

[ILikePaperHats]

My previous partner gave oral loads and always sorted me out first IYKWIM. I can't really orgasm any other way apart from with a vibrator which I do use occasionally in front of my current partner but often he seems bored by that, maybe left out? He hardly ever gives me oral. I shave, shower every day so I know It's not the odour that might put him off. I've tried talking to him about it and he says he's under confident about his technique, especially as I 'just lay there like a sack of potatoes' (yes, his words but probably on the defence). I've tried telling him that being still and quiet is my way of relaxing and enjoying it and if I'm squirming around then it means he's not in the right place. I tell him I like it on the left hand side of my clit and he nearly always does it on the other side which drives me mad as it seems he doesn't listen or doesn't care much about my pleasure. What should I do? He's 10 years younger than me, was quite inexperienced when I met him and I feel I should have been able to teach him better than this!

No you are not being kinky or silly, it's just weird that you would write and ask about this on here.. It's a bit of a passion killer,if you have to be instructing your partner on what to do to you.

My fucking God- I have just skimmed your other posts here. If this is the worst thing you are dealing with, then my gob is smacked.

I'm a bit shocked by some of the responses. Does he like receiving oral sex OP? I've been out with men before who have loved and asked for oral sex but dont want to give it to the woman in return (yes I'm also clean etc). I find that a real turn off. My favourite partners have been ones who have been enthusiastic about oral and who took time to work out how I liked it, same as I did for them. I wouldn't want to be with a man who didnt give oral.

Oral is lovely. I never understand why people get themselves in this situation. It would be a deal breaker for me.

I’ve always had the “oral conversation” before the first ”knix off” occasion with someone. In short, no oral, no entry!

And if I was referred to as a sack of potatoes, I would explain it was because he was performing like a bag of rice!

I feel really strongly about partners who won't.
It feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth for womanhood, somehow, as if we're not quite nice "down there".

If he is a decent bloke then he will get off on your pleasure.

Imagine some writing that a woman was only a decent woman if she got off on whatever pleasures the man.

OP he doesnr want to do it. You arent weing to want that. He isnt wrong to nor want to do it. You arent sexually compatible.

I think what makes your post come across as a bit on the side of bullying is, the last line. I get he is younger than you, but the whole 'I should be able to teach him better', makes it sound like you picked someone younger so you could mould them, to fit your own sexual needs. That's not ok.

Why not pick someone you dont need to teach?

Ew OP, why would you even want to have someone do something to you that you know they dont like doing? It's not like getting him to do the dishes, or take out the rubbish to keep you happy. This is an intimate thing, and people are well within their rights to have things they don't want to do. I agree with PP saying if it was the other way round, it would be seen as coercive and borderline abusive.

Stop berating posters that have told you this. Don't start threads attention seeking if you're going to be combative with the people giving you their differing perspective. You make not think youre trying to force him to do something, but you're being coercive and that's not OK.

I wouldn't be happy if my partner didn't care about giving me pleasure during sex, he may not like oral but he could try other ways. Doesn't sound like you're compatible

I don't think anyone should be in a relationship where one person gets to come and the other doesn't. It's really common to only come through this type of stimulation. This is NOTHING LIKE a guy demanding blowjobs in my opinion. OP.... in my experience MOST guys get this, will do different things until they find what works, and are very keen to make a girl happy as she then remains keen on sex!!! Men's orgasms are far more versatile. It's just physiology, it's not us being spoilt. I would look elsewhere. He sounds hard work.

@fizzysours unfortunately OP struggles to orgasm any other way. And its something he doesnt like doing. A woman would not be told that if her partner struggles to orgasm in one way, that they must do that.

Its sexual incompatibility. OP should have understood that in this situation you have to be responsible for you own orgasm, and find someone else who will happily take part in the sex act she wanted. Especially since she has cast herself in the role of teacher.

Did you tag the wrong person because we seem to agree. He is selfish and nodbody should be asked to have sex without ever having a chance of coming.

Oh... sorry...reread your post. I still say that he's selfish. Men come really easily in a huge variety of ways. This guy is basically crap in bed. Men who are good in bed are concerned that both people orgasm and will try different things. I say move on!! Having to ask for him to care about your pleasure will just make you sad OP

OP I was with a partner for 6 years who gave me oral a grand total of 2 times, neither of those times resulted in an orgasm and I cannot reach orgasm through penetration either. I was much younger and embarrassed to discuss my sex life so we never spoke about it and I accepted he didn’t like it and just used to get my kicks from masturbating alone. I always gave him blow jobs though and he always orgasmed through sex 🙄

I was then with a partner who gave me more oral than I’ve had in my entire past relationships put together! He was amazing I didn’t have to ask for it because he loved doing it.

My point is I understand how it can be being in both types of relationships. But being sexually happy is important and you should be able to reach a compromise. When he does actually go down on you have you managed to reach orgasm? If you do have you told him how amazing it feels etc and boosted his ego which will help him to feel more confident if it is just a confidence issue.
I do agree that someone shouldn’t have be forced to do something they don’t like doing but at the same time you shouldn’t be left unsatisfied if he’s getting exactly what he wants.

At no point in the OP does it say that the DP does not like giving oral - just that he said he's not confident. Really no reason to jump on the OP as if she's forcing her partner

From your posts OP I don't think this is going to improve so you will have to decide whether this is a deal breaker. The fact he keeps doing it on the wrong side is a bit of a Fuck You as well (or is he that thick he doesn't know L from R?). I can tell you that it definitely would be a deal breaker for me. His comment to you about the sack of spuds is just plain nasty as well.

Have you tried saying "the other left" when he gets it wrong. He may be genuinely mistaken as his left would be your right IYSWIM

Men come really easily in a huge variety of ways. This guy is basically crap in bed. Men who are good in bed are concerned that both people orgasm and will try different things. I say move on!!

I agree she should move on. Completely agree with that.

I dont agree because men can come in multiple ways (I am a woman and I can) that obliges them to do something they dont want to or like doing.

He shouldnt have to do because she struggles to orgasm any other way. Just like a woman shouldnt have to do certain sex acts because a man can orgasm better in that way.

But it does mean they arent compatible. And she should end it.

I also get the impression that she thought a younger man would be easier to mould to what she wants. Which in itself is not pleasant.

Imagine

My boyfriend forces me to give him oral and he says im shit at it. I dont like it !!!!!!

Thing is, in both situations my advice would boil down to the same thing - end it. Bad sex poisons anything else good about a relationship.

OP you has another other thread about him throwing straps of chicken at you and calling you a dog. Also previous issues of not contributing financially, and him basically having no desire to satisfy you sexually does not paint him in a good light at all. Especially as you have asked him to leave your home before and he refused.

You are not compatible. And you are spending more time than you should be, wondering if he is being unreasonable. Invariably he is. I think you've had a bit of a bad time on this thread as there is no backstory, and it perhaps didn't come across quite right to some.

On the whole, he sounds quite a selfish, hurtful and arrogant person. I would be ending the relationship.

had another thread and scraps* not straps of chicken

Typing too fast for my brain!

My god OP. He throws you scraps of food and calls you a dog? Jesus, why would you want him anywhere near you at all. WTF

Umm too much information OP.

Is that Mary Whitehouse - wtf?

Oh God, you're the hot tub one as well aren't you. The one whose DP contributes nothing financially? How bad does it have to be before you will leave?

Anotherlongdrive that wasnt the OPs thread - the one about partner wanting her to claim. It was someone else's thread. Think it comes up on posting history as she commented on it.

@Anotherlongdrive
Wtf are you talking about?