Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

huge crush on my coworker

73 replies

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 15:13

I'm 31 and married with 2 kids. I work at a small company and I went on holiday with my colleagues last week to Poland.

The colleague that I now have a crush on came with us. He's 25 and Polish. He has a girlfriend. I always thought he was a pleasant colleague as well as pleasant-looking but that was about it. I didn't know him very well and we don't work directly together but he sits in my proximity.

On the first day of the vacation we all went out for dinner and drinks and nothing happened. On the second day I went sightseeing alone and then joined my colleagues for dinner and drinks.

Now on the 2nd day things happened between my colleague and I but it was so casual and insidious I didn't even notice. He had been drinking. He put his arm around me and drew me in closer to him on one occasion and another colleague noticed this. During dinner he put his hand on my knee about 3 times and when we were walking to the nightclub after dinner he put his hand on my lower back. He danced with me but he also danced with the other colleagues as well. I wanted to leave the nightclub early do have a shower and he said to me: "I will shower you." He didn't want me to leave early. He wanted me to stay in the nightclub.

On the 3rd day I was smiling at him all the time and he was smiling back.

Back to work now. The first day back I just couldn't help it - I have a massive crush on him and kept smiling at him when I saw him.

2nd day back - I think he noticed what's going on and has created a bit of emotional distance between us and stopped being so smiley.

Well it's business as usual back at work but I feel so attracted to him! I have a huge crush. It's hard to hide and I feel awkward and uncomfortable I also feel a bit teased; he started this situation himself by showing me attention and now he withdrawals. I find myself really into him and think of him this way when I'm at work.

What can I do?

OP posts:

bobstersmum · 25/10/2019 15:30

You need to give yourself a good slap op, you are married with kids! Go and have that shower, a cold one.

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 15:40

Do you think my colleague was out of line?

OP posts:

NameChangeNugget · 25/10/2019 15:40

In the nicest possible way OP, you need to get a grip.

A lot of people just love the chase, he sounds like one of them.

NorthEndGal · 25/10/2019 15:43

Look at a picture of your family.
Remember what expectations you and your husband set together.
Invest in your own household.
Dont make a tit of yourself at work.
Dont shit on your own doorstep.

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 15:45

I understand. But I can't help my feelings.

But there are some issues in my marriage that I can't seem to overcome with my husband.

Sex is one of them. It's been boring since we had kids and I'm very frustrated. I've tried to talk to him about it and it doesn't change. We also live a very boring lifestyle. We don't do anything as a family and my husband doesn't want to and doesn't care.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 25/10/2019 15:45

Your creepy colleague came onto a married woman and your response is to develop a crush on him?

Carparkticket · 25/10/2019 15:46

Do you think my colleague was out of line?
Not the point OP

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 15:49

Yes

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 25/10/2019 15:49

Do you think my colleague was out of line?
It’s hard when someone teaches in and stirs you up, but ultimately you have to take responsibility for your actions and feelings.
He had been drinking when he started it. No that it absolves him, but nothing lowers the inhibitors like booze.

OnlineShopping · 25/10/2019 15:51

He probably saw it as a game to flatter his ego and is now worried about the life expectancy of his bunny!

AlkaSeltz · 25/10/2019 16:14

Well, you've made yourself look like a twat, and an easily-led easily-flattered desperate twat, in front of your other colleagues. Carry on

Branleuse · 25/10/2019 16:16

its no big deal. I get crushes on people here and there. It always passes. Obviously you dont act on it.

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 16:18

@AlkaSeltz I guess I was already attracted to him I just didn't interact with him much before and didn't notice. I wouldn't like it if a lot of other people did that to me; there's some chemistry between us.

OP posts:

Treesthemovie · 25/10/2019 16:19

This all sounds a bit childish...he flirted with you a bit on a works night out, now you, a married woman, are asking if he's out of line because you have a crush on him...
If your husband is so boring, talk to him and try to sort things or leave. None of this is helping.

Thegracefuloctopus · 25/10/2019 16:21

Stop the news. Man places hand on woman's back and knee after she gives him sex eyes.
Further story- the two have exchanged smiles and are now back at work, acting like normal.

This is such a non issue. Op, you need a good shag, a slap around the face and like pp said, a cold shower.
Resolve your marital issues first before you start flirtationships

magoria · 25/10/2019 16:24

He's a sleaze who has a girlfriend. He has no respect to her someone he is supposed to love and care for.

What do you think he thinks of you a passing work colleague?

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 16:26

@Thegracefuloctopus I think you're right. I'll start a new thread about my marital issues.

OP posts:

PassingIntoTheWest · 25/10/2019 16:26

Is this a thing now, going on holiday with your colleagues 😄?

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/10/2019 16:27

He totally loves you. You should have an affair. You deserve it. Your husband is boring and this guy will set your world on fire.

Go for it!

SevenStones · 25/10/2019 16:39

OP go and buy yourself a job lot of ice cubes, stick them in the bath and jump in. I don't think a cold shower is enough!

Straycatblue · 25/10/2019 17:18

Instead of imagining it as some big romance, picture it like this....

.......Man who already has a girlfriend is on work trip away, tries it on with married colleague to see if he can get some easy sex .
Distances himself once home because easy sex is off the table and older married colleague is making annoying moon eyes at him when clearly he was just after an easy no strings attached fuck.
Married colleague now declares he was a big tease and suggests he was out of order because the attention she was enjoying has stopped implying she is some sort of victim in this situation where she has been imagining and contemplating cheating on her husband.

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 17:20

My husband is a very dedicated father to our kids; he's a stay home dad. However, he has allowed the arrival of kids to completely derail our sex life and romantic life.

He says he's too tired after a day with the kids for sex. OK that leaves the weekend and a maximum of 3 times a month for sex. I have a high sex drive and it's hard for me. If he would 'get the job done' and provide a good shag I think I could live with the 2-3 times a month.

The problem is that doesn't happen. No foreplay, no lovemaking, no sensuality; he just shoves it in and sometimes if he feels like it he'll do a good job. I'm very frustrated. I've tried talking to him about it but he just makes excuses like: Oh, the kids will wake up. He's tired.

It's the lack of sensuality and complete intimacy that's really the problem rather than technique. We just have no 'spark' in our marriage and on top of the he has no sense of adventure outside of the bedroom. He doesn't want to go on family trips or take the kids out because it's too much work. He doesn't plan ahead or for the future at all.

I guess this situation with my coworker made me realise what I could be missing out on. I'm far more excited by this coworker than by my husband.

Our life is too boring for me and my husband appears to be content with it. He refuses to get a babysitter or a creche and I went to university of 6 years so I don't want to be a stay at home parent. He should of thought about that before. He also won't get a babysitter so we can go out for a date. He says he doesn't want a stranger looking after his kids.

OP posts:

AlkaSeltz · 25/10/2019 17:24

@aubz88 AlkaSeltz I guess I was already attracted to him I just didn't interact with him much before and didn't notice. I wouldn't like it if a lot of other people did that to me; there's some chemistry between us.

I think you misunderstood my post. I was commenting on the fact that you said other colleagues had noticed the way you were flirting with him. You've embarrassed yourself & you will have changed their opinion of you (or cemented it).

Original poster

aubz88 · 25/10/2019 17:30

@AlkaSeltz it was only the one colleague who noticed. But he noted the Polish lad putting his arm around me. That's all.

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 25/10/2019 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flip

1 2 3