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Original poster

Kissing in long term relationship?

70 replies

Confused866 · 24/10/2019 20:07

Do most couples who’ve been together for years still kiss, like properly, more than just a peck as you go to work? I’ve been with my husband for 10 years (married for 6) and I honestly can’t remember the last tine we properly snogged, it’s been years. I don’t really feel like I want to either, in fact I’d feel really weird and awkward. But I can think of other men I’d like to kiss and I think back fondly of great kisses I’ve had in the past. Is this the norm in a long term relationship or not a good sign? I don’t feel like I can ask friends.

OP posts:
NC4this123 · 24/10/2019 20:10

I get it 👍🏻 Me too, I think it’s when you get too comfortable with each other and day to day life. Maybe spice things up a bit and go on a date and see if you feel like it then ..

GleamInYourEyes · 24/10/2019 20:11

We've been together 12 years and yes we do properly kiss everyday - no tongues though Grin

RickOShay · 24/10/2019 20:12

Just snog him Grin

EggysMom · 24/10/2019 20:12

We snog as part of foreplay Smile

RitmoRatmo · 24/10/2019 20:13

Don’t you kiss/snog when you have sex?

Original poster
Confused866 · 24/10/2019 20:15

Hmmm the trouble is I don’t really want to?! I’d feel really awkward. We are not in a good place at the moment anyway and I’ve been questioning for a while whether I’m attracted to him and I don’t feel I am, but I’m second guessing myself thinking ‘well it’s probably like this for everyone in long term relationships’ - that’s why I asked the question really.

OP posts:
DippyAvocado · 24/10/2019 20:15

Doesn't sound abnormal to me. DH and I have been together nearly 20 years and it would feel a bit weird to snog now. Not sure when we stopped.

Original poster
Confused866 · 24/10/2019 20:16

No we don’t kiss at all when we have sex, haven’t for ages. I admit I avoid face to face positions because I find it awkward and too intimate.... this isn’t normal I guess is it?

OP posts:
luanmapo · 24/10/2019 20:19

Been together 11 years and we snog each other’s face off and be affectionate always.
I do absolutely fancy the pants off my DH though and we are constantly groping one another.
We do often question whether we are the abnormal ones though as we lust after one another so often and think should we be past this stage yet?!!
But I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

RickOShay · 24/10/2019 20:22

@Confused866 Do you think you still fancy him?
It honestly doesn’t matter what other people do or don’t do. What’s important is YOU are happy with what you do.

Original poster
Confused866 · 24/10/2019 20:25

To be honest no I don’t feel much attraction / lust at all, but I wish I did. I’d love to be with someone where I wanted to kiss them and be affectionate every day, I miss those things. I’m jealous of couples who have it! But do you break up your family for that? (We’ve got 2 dc) It makes me sad. It’s not something you can conjure up though is it, if it’s not there it’s not there.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 24/10/2019 20:26

Oh sweetheart. Have you talked to him?

EdWinchester · 24/10/2019 20:26

How can you have sex and not snog? What does foreplay entail?

RickOShay · 24/10/2019 20:27

Are you happy with him in other ways?

DeniseRoyal · 24/10/2019 20:31

Me and DP have been together 8 years, and we still snog sometimes. But if you are not even kissing during sex, then I would be worried OP. 💐

FemaleEcho · 24/10/2019 20:31

Been together 20 years and both happy, we don't snog that much, plenty of other types both day to day and in the bedroom.

Neither of us really like the feeling someone else's tongue in their mouth or the feeling of putting your tongue into someone else's mouth so it works for us and the rest of our marriage is good.

I think it sounds like you're unhappy in general and it's not that you don't want to snog at all, it's that you don't want to snog your husband at all and it sounds like this is a reflection of how you feel about him in general maybe?

OtherMoons · 24/10/2019 20:33

I can't imagine sex/foreplay without snogging, tbh! Together 17 years here and we are still affectionate.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/10/2019 20:33

Yeah, now that I think of it, we do. Not all the time, but we've "snogged" a few times today, and there's usually kisses at bedtime and during sex...

If you were happy but just didn't love kisses, I think that'd be your call, but if you're avoiding face-to-face sex and you don't really feel anything for him, I think somethings probably wrong there. Would you want to work on it? Could counselling be an option?

Sweetpeach3 · 24/10/2019 20:33

Il be honest iv never really enjoyed kissing/snogging. Don't mind a peck but tonges has be a special occasion 😂
Like we do when im really in the mood. Other then that it's just little shitty kisses because I feel awkward an his beard bugs me haha.

bunny85 · 24/10/2019 20:34

We snog properly when we are having sex, other than that just a peck on the lips/cheek/neck

Ellabella989 · 24/10/2019 20:34

Been with my DP almost 4 years and we snog when having sex (couple of times per week) but otherwise it’s just a peck on the lips goodnight sort of thing,
We really fancy each other but we’re both always knackered from work 99% of the time

TemporaryPermanent · 24/10/2019 20:36

Snogging when you cant have sex is the way to go - at the in laws or a party in someone else's house.

What if taking the plunge and snogging again actually presses the restart button and you start fancying him again? Do you feel angry at the idea - is there lots of dormant resentment?

NormaLouiseBates · 24/10/2019 20:36

I'd say this is not a good sign, especially with some of the other things you've said like not wanting to have sex face to face. How much time do you get just the 2 of you? To do nice stuff together, get dressed up a bit, go out for a nice dinner?

MrsXx4 · 24/10/2019 20:37

We only kiss and snog during sex really. We would never have a snog on the sofa and I’d feel weird to go in for more than a peck unless we are about to do it lol!

EdWinchester · 24/10/2019 20:39

I think proper, passionate kissing is more important than sex. But I simply can't imagine the segue into sex without snogging.