Kissing in long term relationship?

[Confused866]

Do most couples who’ve been together for years still kiss, like properly, more than just a peck as you go to work? I’ve been with my husband for 10 years (married for 6) and I honestly can’t remember the last tine we properly snogged, it’s been years. I don’t really feel like I want to either, in fact I’d feel really weird and awkward. But I can think of other men I’d like to kiss and I think back fondly of great kisses I’ve had in the past. Is this the norm in a long term relationship or not a good sign? I don’t feel like I can ask friends.

Occasionally but my dh has never liked kisses.

I've been with DH for 15 years and we still enjoy a good snog, doesn't have to be during sex, a little snog always brightens up the day.

Are your children quite young? It can be a fairly challenging time as far as attraction to one's partner is concerned, I don't think I fancied DH that much when mine were very small, I was just too preoccupied with their needs.

We occasionally sit on the sofa and "make out" still- together 6 years, but we don't have kids or anything so a bit of sofa dry humping or more is fine

Yes we do snog often. I can't imagine sex without snogging.

Oh I bloody love a snog whether I was with someone a year or 8 years. I think it’s really romantic and a must for me.

Yes they’re both under 5 but to be honest I don’t think we kissed all that much before them either... not much foreplay goes on to be honest it’s kind of just straight down to business.... this is as much my fault as his as tbh like I said I kind of avoid too much intimacy. I wasn’t like this in previous relationships though. It’s not that I don’t want to kiss and be intimate with someone, I guess just not him really.... but my reason for posting was I just wondered if this is how it is in most marriages after a certain amount of time? Is it just a silly fantasy to think you could still want to be like that with a partner long term? This is my only LTR so I don’t have any other point of reference...

Could it be something physical like a thyroid problem (I have no idea if that’s a thing). I think your sex drive fluctuates with age and situation anyway but I’d want to check it wasn’t something medical before I left my marriage.

Always snog as part of sex, normally how it begins. Don't snog much without sex involved. Been together 17 years.

I love kissing my husband and we've been together for 19 years. We don't do it as much as we used too but I can't imagine sex without kissing .

Been with my partner 12 years and we still snog most days lol.

I'm a snogger if he's leaving, snog. If we're watching tv, snog. Just one look, snog. Never had any complaints.

Don't snog much at all (30 year marriage) these days, but that's fine. I guess I associate it with teenage stuff that I did before I had sex, or something we might do when we can't actually do the deed. Totally personal preference - no normal or abnormal about snogging or not. If your kids are young and you are tired out a lot of the time libido can disappear for a while but may well come back when you have a bit more time to yourselves. Do try a date night now and then - sometimes the old sex thing needs a bit of a nudge.

Been together nearly 10 years and yes, unfortunately we don't snog anymore. On a very rare occasion and I feel a bit awkward and that makes me sad. Times used to be so different before the kids and other grown up stuff...

OP With absolutely no judgement, can I ask why you married someone you’ve never really enjoyed kissing or with whom you enjoyed intimacy?

You say you’ve enjoyed intimacy in the past, so there seems to be an anomaly.

As said, no judgement - just trying to understand to help unpick.

SinglePringle it’s ok, good question really. It’s not that I’ve never enjoyed intimacy with him but I guess it’s never been our strong point either. Other things were good though - we got on great, same values etc, he’s a good man, made me laugh etc etc.. I suppose I thought it wasn’t that important. I’m starting to feel it is though. Also, there’s nothing wrong with my sex drive. I just don’t feel that attraction to my dh. I’ve been telling myself it’s like this for everyone but reading some of these replies it seems not...

We did when having sex, or sometimes if we went out for the night. Neither of us really liked kissing much, but we did enjoy each other and if overcome by passion, we still snogged.

It's sad that you don't feel you can talk to him about this, or that you don't feel attraction. You asked if that is normal - everyone's normal is different. But if it doesn't make you happy, then its not right for you.

I don’t think I’ve had sex without snogging during.

Have you sat down and spoken about how you’re feeling regarding intimacy etc?

We didn't for years (together for 25 years) but started recently (as well as sexting) to spice things up. Always did it when intimate but no more than a peck on the cheek outside of that.

It's lovely but I still fancy DH. Feels like when we first got together.

Thanks OP. I guess I get it: he made you laugh, you liked him and wanted a marriage and a family (I assume?). You ‘settled’. Not in a bad way but more ‘one can’t have everything’. And maybe you’re right.

I have to say though, kissing is a fundamental for me. It’s where attraction is initially shown and it’s the first stage of intimacy for me. An old boyfriend once asked me what turned me on. Kissing. I could not be with someone I didn’t like to kiss. Indeed I was in a short lived, year long relationship with a man who didn’t like to kiss and I found it so soul destroying.

My boyfriend of 3 years and I still snog for no reason. I like steaming up his glasses!

Do you want to stay with your DH?

I wouldn't snog him on the way out to work etc....but we properly kiss for quite a while before sex sometimes. There's not always a right and wrong way. People just get into habits.

Having read some of your further posts, I don't think snogging/not snogging is the issue. You lack intimacy with each other.....you have two choices in my opinion. Try and create more intimacy, not necessarily sex, maybe a massage or a meaningful conversation....but if you really don't feel that way about him, maybe you're not in love with him anymore and you should probably separate.

Isn't it in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts declares she "does" everything apart from kiss on the lips as it's too intimate........

You're just not feeling any intimacy, OP. Do you want to try and bring it back?

We've been together for nearly 30 years and I can't remember the last time we shared a nice kiss.... but in a funny way, it's OK and it's not an issue.

Intimacy is actually really difficult Confused, it's not just about physical connection but emotional connection, and that's a much harder step to take than purely physical.

True intimacy is an opening up, and that's a big step at any time, but when it involves having small children, it's nigh-on impossible. Which I guess why people that make it through the small-child years and came into the relationship with good intent and good faith are sometimes then able to have truly intimate and honest relationships.

@Iuanmapo you’re not abnormal no, 20 years here, still “groping” and stealing kisses

My parents, 40 years married still do too lol