Firstly, no judgement of my situation please, I'm looking for advice. Thanks.
name change/long time lurker
background;
I'm in a sexless marriage.
DH can't/won't have sex. Have got children but last time we had sex was when my DD 8 was conceived.
I miss sex, DH is happy.
So I have a FWB, DH has agreed he's happy for this, but I am very private, it's never discussed, and children don't know.
So I met a FWB and started a relationship. (4 years) We have been close friends over this time.
FWB knows that it's a private matter and I don't discuss the arrangement with anyone else.
It was great initially but over time FWB has turned out to be a major major manipulator. (won't go into details, but giving me less and less and gradually demoting me to giving me crumbs as he knew I was hooked. I know this is pathetic. )
So I have been distancing myself and building up to blocking him but it really hurts as I'm hooked. But I'm getting there. (thanks to advice on mumsnet reading other threads, Ive realised I need to get rid, although not as easy as it sounds.)
Now , I have a newish friend who has moved in near me. She is new to the area. She is great for me, same age (45) 3 kids, newly single, and we have been going out together it's been great.
So Sunday night we went for a drink in the local bar. In the past my FWB would come in and then come to mine after, it was our routine. (DC with DH)
This night, FWB turns up and then makes a bee line for my friend (she has never met him before) and starts to really really chat her up.
She falls for it all and gives him her number.
He leaves trying to take her with him. (she didn't she's got more sense than me)
I felt completely and utterly humiliated. But managed to hold it together. he was very drunk but probably enjoyed humiliating me.
I sent him a few heated texts that night, then
I sent him a calm message the next day saying it's finally over, then blocked him everywhere. (never mentioned my friend or humiliation, tried to take the higher ground)
I feel so humiliated but it feels like the slap in the face I needed, to block him, and obviously it's for the best. but it still hurts.
I saw my friend today and she told me that he has been texting her. She asked me what is he like. (she was laughing about it )
I really didn't know what to say, but I just said that he had a reputation for having a few girlfriends, but I couldn't say more than that.
Obviously I am shocked and devastated that he could treat me like that, we have been close over the time we have been FWB, its been 4 years in total and Ive helped him through some difficult times.
So WWYD?
No one apart from FWB knows about the FWB thing between us.
Do I say nothing and let my friend get on with it and let it run it's course, (of couse it will be painful for me as i will have to witness it, he's good looking and very charming esp at first!!) (and horrible to have him rubbing my face in it)
Of course She may see through him, but she is a bit vulnerable herself and is on the rebound.
Or do I tell her about my FWB arrangement with him, and how he treated me the other night so she has some facts, which will be awkward for me to do, i'm so so private and she's a new friend. (She may still decide she wants to see him anyway I know thats her choice)
If I tell her, although I trust her, I can't guarantee she won't mention my situation to other people, which is unfair on my husband and children,
If I say nothing he gets to skip around treating me and then quite probably her like shit. He doesn't know i've blocked him and probably thinks he can juggle us both.
He's screwed my head up so good and proper I can't even tell you what advice I'd give my own daughter, if she told me this pathetic story.
I will have to see him as we are in a smallish area, and now he's latching onto my friend he will be everywhere we go.
WWYD?