I can’t cope anymore.

[vvbrownxo]

Hi all. I am currently 12 months into living with my “boyfriend”

He is awful. He calls me names and constantly shouts at me for stupid things. Spends 0 time on me and has never offered a gift or date of any kind. He has me in debt and I have had to borrow thousands off my family to the point where they are barely speaking to me. He puts his friends before me constantly and won’t help me out with rent or food money, however I work full time and he doesn’t, I’m running our home solo and I struggle on my 17k wage.

Today is my birthday. He is out with his mates spending money on beer etc for them. I’m at home cleaning. I’m so sad and miserable. He hasn’t even bought me a card and has threw in my face that I didn’t get him a present for his, baring in mind he’s had around 20k off me this year - and I couldn’t afford a present. My financial situation is so bad I am now legally bankrupt, in 2 years I have gone from having absolutely everything, a car, good credit and a social life to now where I have absolutely nothing to my name. I don’t know how to leave as despite all this I love him (??!!) and I am a fool in thinking he loves me.
I have to vent to someone, my mum will go crazy if she knows what’s going on - as I’ve lied about where my money goes, stupidly. I just want to go home to my mum and cry and tell her everything but I can’t.

I think this is just a rant.

You know what you have to do. Save yourself. He doesn't deserve you. You can't throw your life away, and anyway, the person you think you love isn't the real him, it's a fiction.
If you were my DD I'd move heaven and earth to help you right now. I hope you find the strength to ditch this asshole.

Darling this isn't just a rant. He is totally toxic. You are going to have to get out of this some time, so give yourself the best birthday present ever - go home to your mum. Leave him with his hangover or drunkenly snoring.

Pack some essentials. Go to work. Talk to your mum/see her at lunchtime if practicable. Go to hers after work. Tell her. Let her help and protect you. Block him.

He's beyond awful. This isn't a normal life. Xxx

And yes you will have to put your feelings of love/pity/responsibility/need on one side. For your own best.

He is very dysfunctional, makes and will continue to make your life a misery, and needs to go.

This man is taking advantage of you and abusing you! If you love yourself at all then please leave him. ‘But I love him’ is only going to get you deeper and deeper into financial ruin. Sounds like you could turn to your family for support. Hope you get out of this horrible situation before it becomes even worse x

This will not get better honey. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but you need to cut your losses and kick him out. Is it your house or his?

Defo agree you need to tell your mum, sorry to say it but he doesn’t love you, just what you can do for him. If he did he wouldn’t be asking you to literally destroy your life for him whilst he swans off to the pub. Sounds like a real dick head.

There’s no shame in asking for help, I’ve been there myself and it’s hard to ask but you need support around you

Hope it works out xx

Hi all. He came back drunk. Said he felt like shit because “I’m the most important person in the world to him” and he can’t get me anything. But he had enough money for beer. Or am I being petty.

And he’s gone to his mates. I booked today off work. Wish I’d never bothered.

Look at all your replies.
You are absolutely not being petty. If you were given thousands of pounds I'm sure you'd manage a gift for someone you cared about.
He cares about the beer not you

Please to to your mum.

Show her this thread if it's easier than talking

You're not being petty.

I'm sorry, but his maudlin drunken self-pitying ramblings count for absolutely nothing.

What counts is his behaviour, he's shafted you from'l go to whoa.

Pack your things, and go home to your Mum. Yes, she will be upset. Of course she will! But she's your Mum. She's got your back. She'll want to help you get out of this horrible mess.

But don't throw yet more good after bad, use this to get yourself out of this horribly toxic, damaging relationship.

For the price of a couple of pints he could have got you a box of chocolates from the supermarket at least. But he doesn't care about you enough to do that, he would rather drink away your money while you support him. You are not being petty, he has already got you questioning whether his treatment of you is wrong or not. It is. Very wrong. And it will not get better, he is not the man you want him to be or thought he was.

Go home to your mum, she will want to help in any way she can, I certainly would if you were my DD. You don't have to live like this OP, you could be happy on your own or meet someone who actually gives a shit about you. But not if you stay with this crappy boyfriend who is bleeding you dry financially and emotionally.

I’m meeting my mum at 4 for coffee. I’m gonna just show her this thread.
I’ve had enough. I feel so angry at him this morning for just getting up and going out with his down and out mates. But then I feel like I’m being unreasonable.

I’m sorry but you are out of your mind to care about this piece of shit. Read what you’ve written as though it was someone else and tell your mum everything. Just get rid of him.

Also positive you will take him back for more of the same when he starts making all the false promises

Was he like this before you lived together?

Either way, leave. He sounds awful

You've made the right decision. Just show her this.
Be strong and listen to her reply.
We're all here for you OP.

I promise you this is the first day of the rest of your life. Be brave x

I would be so sad that my daughter was in your situation and couldn't talk to me about it. I am glad to see you are meeting her today, and I wish you all the best for a a happy future away from this awful excuse for a partner

His actions are all you need. Get yourself onto the Freedom Programme, get some therapy to work out why on earth you are tolerating this utter nonsense and get rid of him today.

No you’re not being petty. He can afford beer which is a priority to him and to make time to go see his mates but you get zilch.

Fair enough if he was genuinely skint but you’re telling me he can’t afford a 49p card from a card shop and a £1 bar of chocolate and a £1 candle from bnm bargains? Doesn’t have to be pulling all the stop out and spending a fortune on £40 bouquet of flowers, a new outfit and an expensive dinner and a surprise pair of earring you have been wanting but he should have spent time and effort on your special day to make you feel special if you mean as much as he says.

Please leave him tell him to fuck off, you are wasted on this guy. He’s not even a man just a sad little boy who is out for himself and what he can get.

It’s not even about what he hasn’t got you for your birthday, his treatment of you is disgusting and you need to get out before you damage your own mental health

Talk is cheap.

That's all he's got - talk.

Look at his actions.

He's a sponger, cock lodger, verbally abusive, financially abusive waste if space - he must be rubbing his hands in glee that he got into a relationship with you and you've put up with it. He'll say whatever's necessary to hang onto his handy number with you.

Are you saying he doesn't even work FFS?

Let him be someone else's problem, you'll meet someone else.

Is there any chance you can get back any of your money through small claims etc? Probably not worth it. Just learn the harsh lesson.

Wow you are on it. Well done. Your Mum and every one will know already. You have been strong.

Sounds like he is just an addict - they never change.

You are worth way more than this. Seek support and plan to move out and on by stealth — he will kick up a fuss or promise the moon on a stick once he knows his gravy train has left the station.....feel excited and delighted for you as you have swerved a life of utter misery and pain.

You will see that soon.

I could have written this thread myself 3 years ago. Apart from my ex was into weed rather than beer, he was an absolute arsehole! Please leave while you are now seeing things for what they are, do not let him make you feel bad that he won't have money/anywhere to live etc. Be strong, he is not your problem anymore and perfectly capable of financing himself (i.e getting a job!) he just hasn't because he has had you to pay for everything so why would he have bothered his lazy arse? I am still paying money back and my credit score is ruined. To be honest it's not a bad price to pay to get away from him.

Aw and "love" is just oxytocin from shagging him too many times.

Stop shagging him, stop seeing him, be open to meeting someone else - and that will fade. That's just dependence, sentiment and hormones. He'd fkg useless.

I'd bet he's the kind of man who slags you off behind your back/to his mates too, while living off you.

*He's fkg useless

This was me 15 years ago, it will not get any better...but it does if you get out.

My ex used to lie and say he was working, then pay day would come and go and he would say they have made a mistake and not paid him. He once even let me ring the employment agency up to demand he was paid because I was desperate...he hadn’t even worked, but he still let me call them.

He sold many of my belongings to buy fags or booze without my knowledge. It ended when he didn’t come home one night - yep to add insult to injury he cheated on me. I was in debt up to my eyeballs. I kicked him out there and then, I was devastated, I thought I still loved him. But deep down I knew he had to go.

You deserve so much more - I have a wonderful husband now, he really is everything a partner should be.

Please do not waste anymore time on this one, as long as you keep bailing him out, he will let you. Please tell your mum...I bet she will really help and have some great tips on saving money...mine did. Take care.