If your dh cheated

[Sosounhappy]

Would you have appreciated somebody telling you that were?

Oh my god yes. I wouldn't ever want to be the woman that everyone knew but her. .I would want out of that marriage faster than you could say divorce.

Yes I would but. How it's done is very important.

I wish my "friends" had told me and I could've left quicker.

But if I hadn't left when I did I wouldn't have met DP and had my dd.

So I should tell

I would want to know.

@Sosounhappy I think I would want to know (although I'd obviously be heartbroken), but I appreciate it's not a decision to take lightly! Is it a friend who you would be telling or just someone you know?

With concrete evidence would be better 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely 100%

Why? Because they gaslight you. You know something is up and they tell you you are mental and your sense of reality is completely skewed.

I was DELIRIOUS with relief when I found out. Because the world made sense again.

I 'knew' but didn't know, and was desperate for that anonymous phone call. Someone could have saved me a year of hell if they had told.
The lies and behaviour really messed with my head.

Not a close friend

It depends who is doing the cheating/being cheated on.

If it was my BFs husband or partner cheating, yes would totally tell her.

If I didn't know the couple that well or they were just acquaintances, I'd mind my own business.

If it was my friend doing the cheating - and this has happened - I'd strongly encourage her to think about what she's doing, but I wouldn't wade in and tell her husband - that's down to her.

When she was having an affair I found out by accident. Her DH was horrible, frankly, and I didn't blame her, but I suggested that she would be better off leaving than cheating. As it turned out, MY husband decided the horrible DH should know and engineered a situation where he had to confront her.

It was awful, but a good 10 years ago and everything has settled down now (BF now remarried) - but the horrible DH is still an acquaintance and he has never really forgiven me for not telling him earlier myself.

All I can say is, damned if you do, damned if you don't...but nobody will thank you. If I had that time again, I would have pretended I never saw a thing. Too complicated.

Just realised I totally misread the OP, sorry!

If it was my DH? Actually...no, I'd rather not know. But not many people feel that way.

I suppose I think the wife has a right to know.

Why wouldn't you want to know if you don't mind me asking

I take it you are the one having the affair???

For me it depends.... from a concerned friend or family member with my best interests at heart yes. From the other woman who is probably doing it to stick the knife in further and break us up, No Way.

Honestly, a kiss on a night out I would honestly rather not know.. as long as it wasn’t every time he went out!
An affair, I do think I’d want to know, but if it’s coming from the ow, as I suspect you are, I’d want concrete evidence otherwise there’d be no point at all.

I think it also depends on the situation.

If it's the woman who had an affair with that persons partner then no, because it's just being done out of spite . That person would have been happy to keep it a secret when involved with that person.

Interesting so I need concrete evidence. Could that be just a car parked in an odd place during the day?

100% Yes

What makes you think they're having an affair?

I'd absolutely want to know but definitely come armed with proof. I wouldnt want to be living a lie or committed to someone who was lying and shagging behind my back.

They admitted it to a friend of mine

Well if they've admitted it to other people, they're not all that bothered if they're caught out.

How would you let them know? Children involved?

I don't know how and yes children in involved

My exh had affairs and I'm sure some people must have known. I wish someone had told me