DH just shouted at me at kids party

[GloriaMaximus]

DS is at a bowling party, tomorrow e are sat out of the way watching rugby when he starts asking me about my shifts at work. He then shouted that he has already told me has plans on such a date (he didn't) then gaslights me continuously until he gets to part truth (a horrendous habit).

We then have this awful argument in from of a room full of people so now I've left.

It's so pathetic but I'm really starting to resent him. To top it off we are TC and Af came this morning.

I have left him before this very similar behaviour. He can be so vicious. I feel like a fool and so embarrassed. I know TTC is the worst thing we can be doing now but without him I can't even work. He works stupid hours in the week so I have to accommodate that and then I work most weekends 20 hours minimum.

The day he's moaning about will be the one and only day off together before the new year. I don't mind that he wants to do other stuff it's more the fact that he automatically assumes I have issues with it. My issues are with the way he is with me, not his social life.

I'm so ready to leave him again at the moment. I just don't know how.

@IdiotInDisguise
Op is clearly in an abusive relationship and not seeing clearly, try using some empathy.
Op, call in sick and drive away.
Don’t try and conceive with this man, imagine being tied to him for another 18years!

I don’t think you are a fool. I think you are scared and understandably so. But you have to summon up all the strength you have in order to protect your child and GO!

The word vicious shouldn’t be in your vocabulary when it comes to your husband.

You need to start quietly working on your plan to leave.

Please stop ttc with this abusive arsewipe.

He's never going to change, it'll never get better and it will get a whole lot worse when you've got 2 dc to care for and protect from his excesses.

Get a coil or the pill and start planning your escape. You CAN do it - and you HAVE to do it for your dc and for yourself.

Read through what you have written and then tell me why you want a baby with this man?

We only moved a few months ago to a new area for his work so this is the first interaction I've had with any of them

Let me assure you most strenuously that NO ONE will be thinking badly of YOU. They'll be thinking what a cunt HE is. I'd tell him that too.

A refuge is temporary. Nobody lives in a refuge forever, you live there while you sort out a permanent home. All the shittiness in the immediate aftermath of leaving is temporary.

They're the stepping stones to a better life where you're not being abused and you're not allowing your child to be abused.

You have to keep reminding yourself it's a transition, not forever.

Things will never get better if you stay. Once you leave you will have so many different ways in which you can make things better.

For the love of God do not bring another child into an abusive environment.

The Freedom Programme will help you understand what this is doing to your existing child and how to support him after you leave. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

When your son cries because you won't let him do something bad for him, what do you do? You stay firm and act in his best long term interests, you don't give him cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner or let him build a fort in the middle of a motorway just because he's upset you won't let him.diet

So here you reassure him. You provide clear information on what's happening. You make sure he knows you're not going to live in a refuge forever (for example). You tell him it's not his fault and he hasn't done anything wrong. You tell him you're with him and you're looking after him. You stay positive.

If it’s better for you to play nice for a bit whilst you get your ducks in a row then do so. As long as you are physically safe, you can take a bit of time to work out your options.

Contact Women's Aid in your area for support and to find out what they can offer you.
If you go to a refuge they help you with finding somewhere to live.

Contact your family.
You need any support you can get.
Your family members may have ideas to help you.

You will be ok, OP!

Call in sick.

Pick up DS and drive to your family.

Nothing is more important than your happiness and that of your boy.

You are not an idiot but you really must get out this abusive relationship. Another child will not cure things and you'll be trapped worse than ever. It is not good for you or your child. Please plan your escape properly and get help.

My DM just text me, I guess DH must have asked her if she's heard from me. She's told me to stop being ridiculous and overreacting and to go home. So that's going to her out of the question now.

Someone asked before, DS is 8.

It’s not fair on an unborn child for you to be TTC with him. If not for you, then for your poor future child growing up in a toxic environment.

But your mum only has your husbands view point, does she know yours?

I'm sure if she knew the truth she wouldnt be saying that and if she does know what's gone on then you're better off without her if she thinks an abusive marriage is right.

There is other help out there

You need to start telling people bathe real side of him.

I don’t think for one minute you will go tonight so my advice is prepare yourself for your next steps

Can I also add . My Ds is now 12 and can be left for short periods . You having another baby with him will mean you have to remain in contact for many years . You will loose freedom in many ways

I'm still in my car about 1/2 mile from home. I really don't want to go back.

Lots of people don’t ever believe the so called nice guys are the abusers. You may feel like moving anywhere isn’t viable as you’ve already given in once and done that.
It’s not going to get better. Believe me. I was almost made homeless overnight when someone else caught his eye (not even been with her) and like a fool I stayed. I regret it every day. I love my daughter I had after that, but she’s seriously disabled and now I’m stuck and much more vulnerable than I was before.
You can be without him. You can be safe. You can be happy.

Don't go back.

What is your mum really like? Supportive, or crap? If honestly crap then I'd consider calling her and saying, we either come to you or I'll be finding a hotel - yes it is that bad, I'm asking you to put us up for a couple of nights while I think this through. If generally supportive, tell her you need to come and you will talk in more detail when you get there.

Parents are often simply afraid of facing the truth that their child's family situation isn't good - it's not a good reaction, but the 'can't you put up and shut up?' is common, and I think driven partly by fear.

But only you know what her reaction will be if you say to her - this is serious, I am not overreacting, but I can and will manage alone if you don't want to know.

How are you today?

Really shitty. I stayed in my car and just snuck back in to get changed for work. I don't know what to do tonight.

Thanks for asking though!!

As long as you are safe then you can take a bit of time to work out your options. I would strongly suggest you speak to Women’s Aid so you can gather your thoughts based on factual information.

You can move at the pace that is right for you.

I have to be at work at 4am.

You stayed in your car till 3am?

That's good advice from Chaz.
Talk it over with Women's Aid for an unbiased viewpoint and some info on your options.

I tried to use women's aid last time and I was just passed from agency to agency. I ended up in the homeless office.

I'm sorry to hear that, Gloria.

How about your Mum, or other relatives or friends?
I know your Mum said stop being silly, but do you think she'd say that if she knew what's really been happening?