DH just shouted at me at kids party

[GloriaMaximus]

DS is at a bowling party, tomorrow e are sat out of the way watching rugby when he starts asking me about my shifts at work. He then shouted that he has already told me has plans on such a date (he didn't) then gaslights me continuously until he gets to part truth (a horrendous habit).

We then have this awful argument in from of a room full of people so now I've left.

It's so pathetic but I'm really starting to resent him. To top it off we are TC and Af came this morning.

I have left him before this very similar behaviour. He can be so vicious. I feel like a fool and so embarrassed. I know TTC is the worst thing we can be doing now but without him I can't even work. He works stupid hours in the week so I have to accommodate that and then I work most weekends 20 hours minimum.

The day he's moaning about will be the one and only day off together before the new year. I don't mind that he wants to do other stuff it's more the fact that he automatically assumes I have issues with it. My issues are with the way he is with me, not his social life.

I'm so ready to leave him again at the moment. I just don't know how.

If it's a new area and you don't have anyone there, can you just leave and go to stay with your family?

If you were able to stay with them for a while, you could have a breather and think about a job there.

@FizzyGreenWater what do I do about DS school? I don't want to leave my job it's the only thing that keeps me sane

I don’t normally like the LTB posts but honestly you can be a happy and independent single parent. Don’t have another with him though.

Be glad your period started. Please don't TTC with this awful man.

You've left him once. Do so again. Women's Aid will help you.

www.womensaid.org.uk

I am struggling to see one good reason why you would be trying for another child with this man?

He is controlling and abusive don't have a baby with him, try to humour him and carry on as normal whilst you make a plan to leave him and make your own life without him

Do The Freedom Programme online and contact Women's aid. You can't keep letting your child be exposed to this, it can be damaging for life, it's far worse than living in a refuge or changing schools/jobs. You will look back in a few years and kick yourself for not leaving already. You have to muster up the strength and go, you can do this OP xx.

Sounds like there is more to this because lots of people argue. That in itself to me isn,t an issue but if you feel constantly belittled or not listed to then that is an issue. But if tour TC there must be good things in this relationship to otherwise why would you? Have you tried counselling. What ever you do a change sounds like it has to happen.

He can move school
You might be better off on be if it’s for a short while to help you sort other stuff out

You can do this

Mum left our abusive father, we were poorer but much happier

1. Do NOT conceive with this man !

1. Call women's aid and get a support worker. Your in a domestic abuse situation.

1. Make a plan to leave.

How old is DS?

The answer is that you move his school! Yes, it's an upheaval. It's 100 times better than living permanently like this.

And yes your job keeps you sane. You'd be even saner if you had a job and no nasty partner.

Yes it's hard. But you get one life and you should seriously think about moving, relocating completely, near to family support, and changing school and job - a new start.

Why on Earth are you trying to conceive when things are already so bad between you two?

Honestly...

If you have been in a refuge already and things are coming back to what they were, it is time to start putting your ducks in a row and leave. Your child and yourself will be upset if you leave but only while you find your feet. That difficult time is well worth suffering to avoid a life time of misery.

I know it was a stupid idea and no one is more grateful I'm not pregnant right now.

I'm still hiding in my car. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now.

Well, thank God for Aunt Flo is all I can say. Why would you want someone like this as a father to your child?

You're in your car. Pick DS up and drive to your family.

I have to be at work at 4am. I can't just drive 200 miles away 😢

He can be so vicious.

So was my Ex. He was great too. But nasty sometimes. I labelled this just difficult behaviour. Thought it would be fine. I mean we had so many other good times?

Had a child with him. As soon as I was pregnant I realised my mistake.

And the awful thing, as my child’s father he is always in my life, and is nasty to me still.

Really really think on this. At some level you are normalising these tempers. So did I.

I would just go the home . I get your job is your insanity . Get out while you can .

You have left once you can do it and you can and find happiness.

Please don't bring another child into an abusive relationship. Please. It would be so unfair for the child.

Find a way to extract yourself and your existing DS from the relationship. Ask for help. Force yourself to follow through. You don't want to raise your existing DS in an abusive relationship please don't add another one to the mix.

I have to be at work at 4am. I can't just drive 200 miles away

Yes, you can. Call in sick.

Break it down into baby steps:-

1. contact Women’s Aid
2. Reliable contraception
3. Start looking for a job nearer your support network
4. Check for school vacancies in that area

If it’s better for you to play nice for a bit whilst you get your ducks in a row then do so. As long as you are physically safe, you can take a bit of time to work out your options.

Why are you trying to conceive again with him? I don't understand.

I moved schools twice in primary years - it's fine. The long term benefits of leaving a toxic situation far outweigh the short term issues of moving schools.

Sorry OP, it sounds like a horrible situation but please don't teach your daughter that relationships are meant to be like this. She will model her future relationships on what she sees and feels now.

It's so hard I know but try to focus on that and picture her future in a happy relationship it you can show her that it's possible to be independent, capable and not bullied by a partner.

And picture her in a relationship like yours now - you'd be devastated for her I'm sure. So if you don't feel able at the moment to change it for your happiness then change it for her and her future

Jesus, fucking back off the "" faces at the OP.

Op, there's always a way, don't give up. Is there anyone else who can take your ds into breakfast club? Can you speak to the school and see if they can suggest anything? The refuge would be temporary, but at least you'd be away from dh. Ring Gingerbread, they're a single parent charity who will have some excellent help and advice for you.

Kids are very resilient OP. We moved and the kids had to change schools and they love it. Don’t let school worries stop you. You’d be far better away from that awful man. And start using contraception again pronto.