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Original poster

Not quite sure where this row has come from - what next?

59 replies

Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:01

Last night I was explaining something to DH about a group of people that annoy me because of the views they hold. Let’s pretend the views are that “all cats are evil,” and I disagree with this view.

He replied and during this conversation said “all cats are evil.” I said, “hang on just to clarify, YOU don’t think all cats are evil, you’re saying that these people think that, right?” He got really annoyed and said yes of course but then said twice more in conversation that “all cats are evil” but again didn’t qualify this by saying “these people think that all cats are evil.”

So I was like, ok yes I totally see your point but just to clarify again it’s not that YOU a think all cats are evil, you’re saying this group of people are saying that?

He got really angry and went to bed in a huff.

This morning I got up a few hours before him. He’s just come downstairs and totally blanked me. I gave it a few minutes and said ‘ok so are you not speaking to me then?’ He replied ‘well you’ve not spoken to me.’

I said, I can’t believe you’ve come down in a huff and you’re still grumpy with me. He replied that I “knew very well what I meant last night, you KNOW that I don’t think all cats are evil, but you because autistic and had to keep asking me, keep going on at me.”

I said “well I can’t prove to you what I was thinking or feeling but you said three times that “all cats are evil” and didn’t qualify it, so I was thinking that while I thought I knew your thoughts on the matter you might have changed your mind. I misinterpreted what you were saying and you misinterpreted what I was saying.”

He replied that “I didn’t misinterpret anything.”

Now it looks like we’re not talking. WTF has happened here? WTF do I do now???

OP posts:
Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:02

“You became autistic” is what he said, and yes that is a horrible phrase, I don’t have autism and have no idea where it came from.

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 19/10/2019 13:05

It does sound as if you were badgering him a bit . He says that you know his POV on this issue so I can see why he’s a bit pissed off .

Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:06

He also said last night something about I think he’s stupid and that’s why I was questioning him, because he’s obviously far too thick to understand what I was saying.

But that wasn’t running through my mind at all. He GENUINELY said three times “all cats are evil” with no qualification as to who thought that, and I just wanted to clarify if he really thought that or if he was saying these people think that. I have no idea why he took such umbrage. We haven’t had a row that lasted into the next day for a very long time and I really don’t like it. Sad

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 19/10/2019 13:08

I don’t like his phrase about autism, but you didn’t half go on at him given you already know his views full well.

CinnabarRed · 19/10/2019 13:09

Especially because he’s reiterated his views DURING the row.

SoyDora · 19/10/2019 13:09

I can see why he got frustrated with you asking him over and over. He clarified, then you continued to ask him to clarify. Annoying.

FetchezLaVache · 19/10/2019 13:10

It sounds like a mountain out of a molehill to me. In a discussion with his wife, who knows his views on a given subject, why should he have to keep qualifying what he's saying? Mind you, his comment about autism was pretty distasteful.

Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:12

Yes I am Hmm at the autism comment.

I guess there is no way to explain to him, and make him believe, that I truly thought I did know his views but then when he repeated the phrase twice more (even after I’d asked to clarify) I was genuinely confused.

OP posts:
Butterisbest · 19/10/2019 13:13

If I had said something to my DH 3times and he kept asking me if I meant it, I would be pissed off too.
The autistic comment is really quite cruel but perhaps he was sick of you continuing to question him.

SoyDora · 19/10/2019 13:13

But you asked him to clarify, and he did, and then you asked him to clarify again? Surely you didn’t think his views had changed since his last clarification?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2019 13:16

Was this about Brexit?

You don’t need to let it ruin today. Just draw a line an stop going on about it.

LucileDuplessis · 19/10/2019 13:16

Sounds like there was a breakdown in communications and you were both to blame. These things happen - put it behind you and kiss and make up.

Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:18

But you asked him to clarify, and he did, and then you asked him to clarify again? Surely you didn’t think his views had changed since his last clarification?

No I didn’t, but I just was truly confused as to why he kept going on and saying it without the clarification of these people are saying all cats are evil.

Well thank you all for helping me see the other side. He got annoyed with my badgering...

... although I don’t think he’s covering himself in glory now by not speaking to me today. The punishment here does not fit the crime!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:19

No not Brexit! Grin

OP posts:
DBML · 19/10/2019 13:20

I think all cats are evil. But I like them for it.

Anyway, op, mountain out of mole hill springs to mind. People say stupid things in anger, so let his Autism comment go and try to enjoy the day. Even if he had a different pov to you originally, does it really matter? DH and I don’t share the same opinion on everything and that’s allowed.

Butterisbest · 19/10/2019 13:21

Bofster37
Please, just accept that he thinks all cats are evil. No clarification necessary.

simone1863 · 19/10/2019 13:22

Cats?

Gazelda · 19/10/2019 13:24

I'd have been exasperated with you too. Especially since you appear to still believe he is somehow at fault.
But his autism comment was awful. I hope you've pulled him up on that.

Then decide to let the whole thing drop and get on with having a nice weekend.

Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:39

I’m happy to let it drop (would have been happy to let it drop last night) but he isn’t talking to me. If I ask a question I get one word answers

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 19/10/2019 13:47

If he “qualified” it once why would you keep asking him? He has already said he didn’t believe that all cats are evil and it was the view of the group but you still made him confirm it a few times. Do you suffer from memory loss? I would expect in a conversation not to have to “qualify” statements over and over. You sound like very hard work

Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 13:48

I’ve already explained why I asked him again Smile

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 19/10/2019 13:52

But you havent really, clarified it.

Its clear he was talking from the 'all cats are evil point of view', and you kept asking him. Despite knowing this you kept asking him.

Witchinaditch · 19/10/2019 14:01

@Bofster37 are you getting annoyed at people asking you the same question over and over?

rottiemum88 · 19/10/2019 14:06

@Bofster37 are you getting annoyed at people asking you the same question over and over?

Grin
Original poster
Bofster37 · 19/10/2019 14:07

Nope, that’s why I put a smiley face, and I know sometimes people just skim read threads so can sometimes miss it when a question has already been answered.

The point was that he said “all cats are evil,” I said “hang on, are you saying that you think that or that the group of people think that?” He said, the group of people.

But he then went on in conversation and twice more said “all cats are evil” - he didn’t say “the group think that all cats are evil.” So I was a bit confused. I have accepted that I misinterpreted him and acknowledged this with him this morning.

I’ve just gone down to try to start a conversation and he ignored me. Didn’t even look up from his phone.

OP posts:
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