Not quite sure where this row has come from - what next?

[Bofster37]

Last night I was explaining something to DH about a group of people that annoy me because of the views they hold. Let’s pretend the views are that “all cats are evil,” and I disagree with this view.

He replied and during this conversation said “all cats are evil.” I said, “hang on just to clarify, YOU don’t think all cats are evil, you’re saying that these people think that, right?” He got really annoyed and said yes of course but then said twice more in conversation that “all cats are evil” but again didn’t qualify this by saying “these people think that all cats are evil.”

So I was like, ok yes I totally see your point but just to clarify again it’s not that YOU a think all cats are evil, you’re saying this group of people are saying that?

He got really angry and went to bed in a huff.

This morning I got up a few hours before him. He’s just come downstairs and totally blanked me. I gave it a few minutes and said ‘ok so are you not speaking to me then?’ He replied ‘well you’ve not spoken to me.’

I said, I can’t believe you’ve come down in a huff and you’re still grumpy with me. He replied that I “knew very well what I meant last night, you KNOW that I don’t think all cats are evil, but you because autistic and had to keep asking me, keep going on at me.”

I said “well I can’t prove to you what I was thinking or feeling but you said three times that “all cats are evil” and didn’t qualify it, so I was thinking that while I thought I knew your thoughts on the matter you might have changed your mind. I misinterpreted what you were saying and you misinterpreted what I was saying.”

He replied that “I didn’t misinterpret anything.”

Now it looks like we’re not talking. WTF has happened here? WTF do I do now???

So he is stonewalling you because of some sort of misunderstanding?
And he thinks that trying to insult you (because that’s what the autism comment was about) and being disabling is a good way to solve the issue.

He needs to grow up tbh.

Does he normally react like this when you dint agree with you or you ‘annoy’ him etc...? Sometimes for something small?

FWIW I dint think that anyone can say if you asking several times what he meant was annoying or not because it depends a lot of the context in which he said it. It could be that the context made it obvious he meant the group or something else. But he certainly could have let it go too.

So he doesnt think a cats are evil? He was just saying that "they" think cats are evil without saying the "they" part

He is a prick

Btw, I would ignore him and go about your day as if he wasn’t there.

Don’t be the one to try and win him back and entice him out of his sulk.

So he doesnt think a cats are evil? He was just saying that "they" think cats are evil without saying the "they" part

Exactly

So, I went down and approached him again and started talking about the latest Brexit clusterfuck. We are now talking again. I apologised for misunderstanding him and he asked for a cup of tea, which was duly made.

@WhiskeyLullaby you are very astute. It isn’t Brexit/politics at all but is something that for me would be incompatible with marriage if we were not of the same opinion.

And yes, years ago he was a bit of a stonewaller but I made it clear he was being ridiculous every time he did it and he hasn’t done it for years.

If he was saying for example "all people of race x are evil" I would very much want him to rephrase it to make it clear that it's not his view. Else he could just be saying this phrase in public where it would be misinterpreted quite badly.

It isn’t Brexit/politics at all but is something that for me would be incompatible with marriage if we were not of the same opinion.

Then I suppose you can only hope it really is what "they" believe and a misunderstanding.

I'd probably still be wandering though and/or try to figure out if his actions and words indicate otherwise.

Try to see why he was annoyed and what part you played in it. We can all be irritating at times and may not be fully aware of how we are interacting with others. It's hardly a deal breaker there's probably underlying issues here. Perhaps he feels a certain way when you ask him questions such as being undermined.