is he doing this to rub it in?

[haplessharpie]

my (ex) boyfriend ended our year relationship on Wednesday. His reasoning was that I had spoken to him disrespectfully on two occasions in the last week. "Disrespectfully" to him means asking him for help with something, as I am just out of hospital. I have never once sworn at him or raised my voice. He told me I need to see a therapist because I made people feel bad.

He is a massive stonewaller and general child when he thinks he has been "wronged". Usually he won't even look at him when I have mysteriously upset him saying "I cant bear to look at you".

It's my birthday today. We were meant to be going away on holiday in the UK, obviously not now.

I have tried to remain dignified but I woke up this morning to a flowery breezy message off him "Happiest of Birthdays (pet name)! I hope you have the most amazing day!! xxxx"

I don't know why I'm posting, I'm just angry. Why would he do this? I don't understand the reasoning for us breaking up, he's ruined our weekend plans and now he's acting like a great guy.

He has form for "breaking up" and then saying he "overreacted".

Is he a narcissist? A psychopath?

When my mum heard about the way he broke up with, she said she was concerned he would turn violent in the future given how cold and distant he was.

What on earth are you doing with this man. A year and he's treating you like dirt.

Ignore him and move on. Oh and ignore him some more.

Oh OP don't contact him, he sounds pathetic and you'll be in a for a lifetime of feeling like this on a loop. He's probably just trying to throw you off on your birthday or use it as an 'in' to get back with you. He sounds like such a twat .

He's got under your skin and is manipulating you. Don't waste time trying to find logic in his behaviour, it doesn't mean anything that he sent the text, other than he's a knob who thinks your feelings are irrelevant and he can speak to you and treat you how he likes and then gaslight you when he fancies it. It's about his own need for control and if you engage then he'll keep taking it. I'd run a mile, text your friends, not him, they have the right idea.

@nothyme

harassment to reply to a birthday message? Okay

OP, I was responding to what you wrote ie being lonely, confused, not understanding why he split up with you and struggling to not contact him. This is a quote from a police website as an example of harassment:

"B and C are ex partners but B cannot accept this fact and bombards C with phone calls and texts begging him to reconsider the relationship. C is distressed (but not in fear) by all this attention and just wants to move on. This is likely to be harassment"

If you had no intention of doing this, and you had no intention of giving him a hard time for finishing with you, and you were just going to say "thanks" for the birthday message then just "thanks" on its own or similar won't be harassment.

Op surely it's better to be alone than to put up with one day of him being awful to you? There are other nicer people out there.

One more day*

Not read the full thread but he has achieved what he wanted of upsetting you on your birthday. He sounds like an arse. I would either totally ignore his msg or send a breezy 'thanks so much! Really excited for my birthday plans, who said turning old has to be boring!' Second option is immature but plays him at his own game.

Under no circumstances should you let him know he's bothered you.

He has form for "breaking up" and then saying he "overreacted".

Easy way to stop this. Take control yourself. Throw him out and don't let him back.

Happy birthday. Give yourself the gift of a promise that you will make sure your life will be different by next year.

He’s done you a massive favour because you were clearly in denial as to how toxic your relationship was.

You need to block him and take the time to understand why you stayed in a relationship where you were continually treated badly.

Leave the armchair MH diagnosis to the professionals.