How can I position myself so my future husband can find me

[Homemaker86]

Hello all,

I’m in my early 30s and absolutely desperate to have children but I’m currently single.

I’ve tried online dating to no avail. I’ve joined a cookery class that starts next week so I’m socialising and mixing with more people. I’m going to the gym regularly, too.

Ideally and I hope I don’t offend anyone; I want to wait until I have a husband until I have children which is why I haven’t had a child yet.

Do you have any idea as to what I can do about meeting someone?

My desire to have children is so bad now. It can only be described as constantly needing to pee.

I get scared I’ll end up alone....

Why isn't online dating working?

Waves of desperation are coming off your post. Any possible partner will feel it too, and in all likelihood, be off. Desperation is not a firm basis for any relationship and it's a major turn off.

I would keep on online dating but go on something like hinge which is for relationships. Main thing is you have to be happy in yourself to find someone who will love you for you. The other thing I have heard is that people are using matching makers instead of apps as they don’t have time for all the swiping. And if you’re both signed up to a match maker you’re probably in it for a serious relationship. Good luck !!!

It’s one of those things you cannot force and also why would you want too?

OLD does work...it just takes time and effort unfortunately!

Having kissed too many frogs I gave up at 28. Decided to focus on my career and retire at 45 to a gingerbread cottage with a dog. I also joined a political party. Met DH within 12 months - it was instant.

Political party
Choir
Sailing Club
Golf Club
Rambling
London Walking Tours
Friend of the V&A
Scottish Dancing
Bridge

Actually do things you really want to do. Read, go to the theatre, travel, galleries. Enjoy stuff so even if you don't meet Mr Right you won't have wasted your life waiting for him. It will also mean you don't become a self obsessed bore.

If you're in your 30s, you might have to accept that any man you meet might already have children. They may or may not want more. So he's the perfect guy, but already have kids. Then what?

What sort of things are you into, hobbie wise?
Maybe don’t make your intentions clear from the get go, and keep your cards close to your chest. Desperation can turn a guy off.

Eh? Loads of men in thirties don’t have DC.

The men either lie or they just aren’t the ones

Do you have any links regarding match making services please?

Within 12 months, wow

That wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me

Can you have a child on your own?

Lots of women find marriage very lonely, if you can afford to have a child on your own without the constraint of a make partner, then go for it!

Otherwise, find someone who you can tolerate, but don't hold your breath - a great deal of men prove to be not up to the task when a baby comes along.

My advise would be to be as independent as possible. You can only rely on yourself.

Gonna give some tough love here. Having kids isn't relevant to you right now. It just isn't (Unless you change your mind about going it alone). If a man shows up who is suitable and you are together long enough for you to decide you want to have kids with him, great. Until then, you really need to ...well, get a grip!

Also, you should love that person first right? Not just see them as a baby daddy. How will you find a suitable partner if you are all consumed by the thought of babies. He'll run for the hills if he gets that sense from you straight off the bat! Because no one wants to be thought of as just a means to an end.

Also, sorry if this comes across as a bit patronising but, there are some women out there who desperately want kids for the sake of having kids. But there are also a lot who want them just because they think it is what they are 'suposed' to want or because they think it will somehow fix what is 'missing' in their lives. Be sure it is the former. Because some people just don't think about it until it's too late.

I'm sure you'll meet Mr right. But I think you need to address this baby fever. Nip it in the butt for now. Easier said than done of course but, you are a young woman with get whole life ahead and there is much more for you in this world than babies. All in good time!

OP you need to calm down. It you are desperate you will make potential suiters run a mile.

What activities and things do you like doing that you haven't done?

Btw gyms are dreadful for finding new partners as everyone stares at themselves in the mirror. The ones who don't tend to be coupled up. You are better of joining a sports club where both men and women participate, and there is a shortage of women.

Do you really need the man first?

You'll be much more successful if you relax a bit, because you'll seem happy and independent which are attractive qualities.

Is your work varied and interesting? Sometimes we meet our partner through work connections. Be open to any invitations but don't be too desperate.

(My gorgeous son is 40 next week and if things don't work out with his current girlfriend, I'll introduce you joke.)

I can afford to do it on my own but I’d prefer not to. I’m 33, if I get to 37 and there is no change then I’ll definitely explore that option

I want to marry first

Honestly explore the no man option now rather than later.
This will be a sufficient little trick to the universe to let it know you’re not desperately seeking a man!
And then one will come along

Ha ha

Much better to have a baby with a decent man who loves you and will be a good husband and father. I think you will meet someone.

Why do you want to marry first?
Family expectations ? Financial security? Romantic notions of what a perfect family looks like?

Ideally I don’t want children with different fathers

Also let friends and family know you are open to match making.