How can I position myself so my future husband can find me

[Homemaker86]

Hello all,

I’m in my early 30s and absolutely desperate to have children but I’m currently single.

I’ve tried online dating to no avail. I’ve joined a cookery class that starts next week so I’m socialising and mixing with more people. I’m going to the gym regularly, too.

Ideally and I hope I don’t offend anyone; I want to wait until I have a husband until I have children which is why I haven’t had a child yet.

Do you have any idea as to what I can do about meeting someone?

My desire to have children is so bad now. It can only be described as constantly needing to pee.

I get scared I’ll end up alone....

A lot of rugby and football clubs also have social women's netball teams. I know a few people who have met partners this way.

Join a couple male dominated hobbies

Cycling
Amatuuer radio hobby
Any computer meetup (network/cloud/devops)

A husband isn't the permissive step required in order to be a proper person OP and often subscribing to ideals such as these you'll rob yourself of potential happiness. Your husband might end up being a regret, might leave you, cheat on you or not provide for you- even more likely IMO if you plan to meet a guy and marry at haste in order to meet milestones. Waiting a lifetime for one doesn't mean you get a better quality of guy, it's not a reward where you have put your time in and 'the one' is sent to you by the universe.

37 is risky to only start contemplating freezing eggs or starting enquiries to have a child independently. If a child is such an important factor you'd ideally start that now and stop waiting for this fantasy husband to 'find you'. Life isn't a film in that respect and a lot of men the age you'd be looking at will already have been married or may have children.

Your preferences towards thinking you need a mans permission by existence in order to have what you want or feel happy don't 'offend'- it's your life, but they are totally alien to me and we're a similar age.

I'd reconsider fertility options and take the advice given about putting yourself out there and trying hobbies etc, if you'd like to meet someone. Not every relationship is going to end in marriage though and it takes years to ascertain if a partner is marriage material or not. Prioritise the child you want and have your fertility checked so you can arm yourself with the info needed to make a realistic plan to meet your own needs. Waiting/hoping for a cookie cutter husband to materialise isn't a plan, sadly.

To find a healthy relationship - which gets anywhere near marriage you need to actually focus on finding the right partner.

This desperate “I need to find someone, marry them and have children” isn’t really a healthy way to go about things. It’s a sure fire way to end up in a terrible relationship because you’re focused on the wrong thing (how many abusive men are the exact type to rush a woman into having children - more than a few).

You may find your perfect partner and have fertility troubles.

If it’s just about having children then you should perhaps explore that option on your own.

Your title — ‘how to position myself so my future husband finds me’ — makes you sound very passive, OP. You need to make the running here, because you’re the one who wants it. It can’t be a matter of waiting for Mr Right to fall into your lap, especially if you definitely want to marry before having a child. A man, even if he ultimately also wants marriage and children, doesn’t have a date stamp on his fertility in the same way.

You had four, wow.

I mean for me the marriage is important- I need to marry before I have a child. I must have been on about 50 dates with men I’ve met online. Some I met online as friends on regular social media and they didn’t work out as partners

There was a woman in America who wanted to find a husband , she said yes to every date found both online and in real life, within the year she was engaged. She said no if there were red flags.
I tried this and got quite a lot of dates, some on paper seem a perfect match but when I got there I couldn’t stand them. I did meet my man, on the face of it we appeared to be not a great match w very different interests but actually were very similar and it’s going great and we’ve got a dc.

A very insightful post

Desperation will run them off quicker than anything. Looking around me and in my family at how each of the couples met;
1 met in college
2 met through work
2 strangers in a bar
1 through running group
1 online dating
1 through friends

So it's more about networking with friends and colleagues and meeting them as friends of friends as well as online or hobby stuff.

Cooking isn't really a hobby that men will attend I think, you need to find a hobby that's got more of a likelyhood of male participants. Then there's things like volunteer groups but a lot of kid based ones you'd probably mostly encounter married dads which is no good to you.