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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Waiting for the "talk"

67 replies

Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:29

Dh just came back from the gym.
Yesterday he informed me he is done and we are doomed and just potponing the inevitable ( i have 2 kids that see him as a dad) .
Ive been a cryin mess all day. He has been normal. Told me earlier over text why was i crying. And said we will talk tonite. He is being chatty, and normal. Im so confused and dreadin the conversation. I know he wants out. Im about to jump out of my skin

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:37

He is happily eating the food i cooked him right next to me. I feel a twat sitting here awaiting my fate....

OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 17/10/2019 20:41

Take control, OP. Say to him "you wanted to talk - go ahead".

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 17/10/2019 20:44

What a twat. Keeping you hanging on like that. Though, after what he said to you - what exactly are you waiting for? He's pretty much told you all you need to know - he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

Not sure why you made him food either! Let him crack on with doing his own stuff if he doesn't want to be your partner anymore.

Sorry this has happened to you though, it's really shit.

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:45

I dont want to have this conversation.... i literally need to grow a good pair... chaos is going to ensue....
He just finished his dinner...

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 20:45

Why are you waiting?

Why did you cook him a meal?

Take control back.

BigbreastsBiggerbeard · 17/10/2019 20:45

Yes, as Lobster says - take control. Tell him how it's going to be now he's bailed out.

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:55

You know what? Yeah... this is the least empowering position ive ever found myself (countin splitin with my kids dad after 11 years of relationship... he ia watching "watch dog live" wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 20:58

He is literally waitin for me to say somethin. If he just gonna ignore yesterday?

OP posts:
PrincessRaven · 17/10/2019 21:00

Go on, turn the TV off and ask him what he wants to talk about

Yes its shit, but it would be worse to sit there all night, wondering

Come on! I'm right behind you!!Flowers

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 17/10/2019 21:02

Think i'd be inclined to go out....

readitandwept · 17/10/2019 21:08

Just say "So when will you be moving out?"

I'm obviously hoping it's your house in this scenario!

Hesafriendfromwork · 17/10/2019 21:13

OP you will kick yourself in years to come if you let him control this.

Dont cook for him. He said its over. You arent a couple. If he said it was over and going to pretend everything is fine, he is fucking with your head. When you get to a point where you thinks it's going to be ok and he is staying, he will do this again.

MeMyselfIcecream · 17/10/2019 21:17

You're worth more than that. Have some dignity and suggest he packs his bags. You will be fine - you have millions of mumsnetters standing right behind you and we will get you through this. You tell him to pack his bags sister!

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:18

Yeah.... it is my house.. . Houae i wont be able to keep if he leaves as although i pay rent and bills , he pays for any other expenditures.... now, commenting on watchdog. Im gonna bring it up. I was up at 4am today in a panic after yesterday anf have to be up at 6 for work. I cant have another day like today. F*ck that.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 17/10/2019 21:19

Tell him to fuck off out of your home. Get angry OP!

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:19

How the f*ck is he just sitting there?!?!?! When this mornin i was looking at flats and cryin on the tube (some woman asked her man to give me his handkerchief)

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 17/10/2019 21:24

Why the fuck are you letting him just watch the TV? Turn it off, stand in front of it, tell him you want him to tell you now what the bloody hell he’s playing at. Don’t give him the bloody satisfaction of keeping you hanging, what a tosser!

VioletCharlotte · 17/10/2019 21:27

I've been where you are OP, it's horrible ThanksAs others have said, the best thing you can do is take control of the situation. Don't let him keep you hanging, switch the TV and tell him he needs to start talking. And if he does want out, don't beg him to stay, you're worth so much more than that.

SugarAndSpice24 · 17/10/2019 21:28

What happened then?

msmith501 · 17/10/2019 21:33

Unless you really want him to stay... and it doesn't sound mutual... take control, pack him an overnight bag and walk him to the door. It'll hurt for a short while but you won't have someone playing mind games with you. He is expecting you to roll over, be submissive and be under his every whim. Don't do it.

Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:33

Fck all is happening. I swear im too tired to get into one now. Im not beggin either when it comes up. Im already comin to terms. Im not gonna lie.... its gonna be a btch but im not beggin for noone. He has grabbed his charger and seems ready to head to bed soon. I feel im lackin a backbone tonite... feel ashamed of myself for not having the balls to bring it up tonite.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Startingoveragain1 · 17/10/2019 21:35

He has not said a word and we're due to have hia little girl over for half term... what the f*ck was yesterday about. Im at a loss...

OP posts:
readitandwept · 17/10/2019 21:36

Stop asking us and ask him?

AutumnCrow · 17/10/2019 21:38

Sounds like you're still in a bit of shock there.

HeyNotInMyName · 17/10/2019 21:38

Who is looking after his Dd during the hols? Him or you?